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Am I overreaccting or is this truely disrespectful?

My husband is an all-around great guy, but one of my issues is thta he will go out and not even tell me! I have health issues and do not have anyone else around here in case of an emergency! I have told him how unresponsible and disrepectful I feel this is, over nasd over and over again, but it just does not sink in! When I confront him, he tells me i am overreactiong and tyhat I should call 9-1-1 if there is an emergency. Well, I am not stupid... I know that, but that is not the point. Once agin, he does not get it! AHH! What do you think? Who's right?

Posted 4 months ago

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silvrsurfr

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

You are not over reacting...
It is not enslavement to say..."where ya goin'"
If you care about someone...you worry....it's nice to have an approximate idea of their whereabouts or when you might expect them for dinner...

I'm not saying an exact itinerary with scheduled times....sure sometimes you might just want to get out for some air and you don't know where....then say so....Like this, "I'm going out for a walk honey...I just need some fresh air. Care to join me?"

And...one of the things I learned about successful relationships is accommodate the other when possible. OK he doesn't get it...but if it's really important to the person I love...what's the harm in saying I'm going to the store for an hour? Is he afraid that it will escalate to a tracking device.

Lastly, I'm going to talk out of both sides of my mouth. You see, I think we all draw the line somewhere. It's a control or power thing. For example, I love my wife but when she asked me to stop associating with a certain friend...I said no. My friend wasn't a terrorist or a drunkard. In fact, just a really nice respectable mother of 3. This was a person I had know through thick and thin since before my marriage. Was I wrong? who knows? But I drew the line...After10 years it is still a raw topic. I say sometimes you have to agree to disagree. Unfortunately, I am hit over the head with this one thing any time my wife wants to use a trump card in an argument.....Good for you to at least seek other points of view and for having ood things to say about your man....Right or wrong, up or down, control or consideration...Your doubt and search for other points of view is healthy and shows the honor you give to your husband...Peace

Posted 4 months ago

Other 14 Answers to Am I overreaccting or is this truely disrespectful?

Creamsicle	Posted Jul 18th, 2009 at 9:54PM Any couple, IMO - should let the other person know generally what they are doing. Could be "I'm going shopping, not sure when I'll be home" or "I'm meeting some friends for dinner and drinks, I'll be home by midnight". Doesn't have to be super specific but at least the other person knows why they're gone. Sounds like maybe getting cell phones is a good idea for you - if you have his number, it won't really matter where he is. He'll always be reachable as long as he has it on. I'd think that even if you called 911, he'd want to know something was up so he could get to you ASAP. Rated: +3Vote for this!
iluvmypup	Posted Jul 18th, 2009 at 9:54PM Every person needs 'me time'. If he has to be around you all the time, every day, maybe he needs his 'me time'. Don't take offense, just accept that he needs a break from it all. If he is just going out with friends or a baseball game or something, I would say that is okay. At least he isn't cheating on you or something. Now, if you are paralyzed or unable to take care of yourself, I can understand your frustration. In that case, maybe you should get some more help. Someone to help out when he needs a day off or whatever. Rated: +3Vote for this!
void00	Posted Jul 18th, 2009 at 5:47PM Maybe he thinks you're trying to control him. Try reassuring him that you just want to know when he's going out, you don't want to stop him going. If that doesn't work, I don't know. I don't think you're being unreasonable. Rated: +2Vote for this!
marthajeff1	Posted Jul 18th, 2009 at 5:47PM You are not over reacting. All you are asking is for a little bit of common courtesy. Rated: +2Vote for this!
Nyxie	Posted Jul 18th, 2009 at 8:28AM People who live together in a committed relationship owe each other the common courtesy of letting each other know when they will not be home so as to not worry the other person. IMO, your husband should at the very least let you know when he is going out and when he will be back. I'm sure he wouldn't do this to his boss at work, so why should it be OK for him to do it to you at home? Cell phones and a marriage counselor to get to the bottom of his lack of respect for you might be a good idea. Rated: +1Vote for this!
saltandpepper	Posted Jul 18th, 2009 at 8:38AM I don't think your over reacting. You feel the way you do for a reason. I don't think it a difficult thing for him to let you know he going out either. There must be a reason for his lack of communication. Was he always like this or only when you have been sick? Try to talk to him without the guilt or blame. Rated: +1Vote for this!
Duana	Posted Jul 18th, 2009 at 9:11AM Well a loving wife will not want to enslave her husband due to her own issues. I have issues but I do everything I can so my husband does not have to feel burdened by them- I feel guilty sometimes being married to him because he deserves a problem free life. You could always hire someone to be with you around the clock (ie home health care aid). I think if your health issues were as serious as you say they are the state would not only approve this, but also pay for it! I just need to talk to your DR. Summary: If your health care issues are so serious you need someone with you, your DR. would indicate this and you should get someone professional, not your husband. So your husband is right either way. Rated: +1Vote for this!
pinwheel	Posted Jul 18th, 2009 at 9:29AM He's your husband so no i do not think it's out of the question for him to tell you where he is going and you're right in thinking it's disrespcetful when he doesn't tell you a little comunication doesn't hurt regaurdless of your health issues you guys are a couple you're suppose to share things though in saying that i also let my bf walk over me and he constantly makes plans and goes out without telking me or tells me at the lats minute but iknow its wrong Rated: +1Vote for this!
Amadis	Posted Jul 18th, 2009 at 9:31AM bah. and again "let's judge the man, tho we are far from having enough infos, and ofc assume that the one who complains here is right, and the one that can't defend himself is wrong" , Isn't it easy ? i am not saying it is like this, i just want to give a different view on the matter, for a change: let's say he is a good husband, just tired taking care of his ill wife and having to face her nervous breaks. let's say he needs to go out of there once in a while, to recharge his batteries in order to be able to do that next day and next day and next day. let's just assume he tried to talk it at first, then just got tired. he may not be perfect, of course, no one is. but instead losing time in endless arguing and end up with a divorce, he chosed to run away for a little while everyday, but be there for his wife and his marriage 100% dedicated the rest of the time. is this impossible to imagine ? to understand? again, i am not saying it is like this. i am just signaling to those who always give credit to the one writing the "question" and blame the one that can't defend himself. this being said, i think he could throw a word while leaving the house, of make a call saying " i will be at X place for a hour or two, need to get out" . then again, if he say this, you tell him it's not right to do that since you are ill and want him to sit there with you all the time. ugly situation. i vote you are overreacting, and overreact to overreacting. Rated: +1Vote for this!
compuslo	Posted Jul 18th, 2009 at 9:56AM he is right make sure he has a wireless phone with text messaging and have him commit to responding whenever you need him then dont abuse the privelege. Good guys are hard to find dont blow it! Rated: +1Vote for this!
swoozie	Posted Jul 18th, 2009 at 9:57AM Well, i guess it depends on how serious your health issue is, if you depend on him for care he absolutely needs to tell you where he is and when he will be home. If its not that serious you may be over reacting. But I agree with most here, courtesy is very simple and important. Communication is key here, but it goes both ways. Ease up on him a bit, get him to be more considerate and Im sure its something you can work through. Is there a reason for him to be secretive and, perhaps if he tells you he worries you will make him feel guilty. Everyone needs their space, its important not to overcrowd eachother and not to be too demanding. Rated: +1Vote for this!
miguelote	Posted Jul 18th, 2009 at 5:54PM Maybe he does'nt tell you because he does'nt want to run extra errands. Sometimes I just wanna go to one place for one reason and return home quickly, but when I tell my wife I'm leaving, she sometimes adds places to go which I did'nt plan on. If I stay long enough there'll be a list of places to go and things to get. Rated: +1Vote for this!
braxtonag	Posted Jul 18th, 2009 at 9:56PM you are not overreacting, a basic respect is telling someone you love when you are leaving Rated: +1Vote for this!
pepto5	Posted Jul 19th, 2009 at 2:39AM sounds like he thinks you're using your illness to control him and this is his way of rebelling. you said you told him there would be no one else around in case of an emergency- he replied that you should call 911 but the you say " but that's not the point" sounds like he's a good guy but needs to assert himself in some ways, my advice- back off, let him know he's got his space, try and assert some independence- let him see this- with patience- you may find he says, " hey, i'm just off to the ........." small problem, don't let it ruin a marriage, he' s sticking by you, he's a good guy. Rated: +1Vote for this!

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