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My boyfriend of one year was nothing but wonderful to me. One of his female friends (who has vocalized her crush on him) has been gossiping about me for the duration of our relationship, and he and I both agreed that it seems as though she says things to him to break us apart. At first, I thought it was pathetic and took it in stride... but a month ago we got into a major fight over things she told him about me, and he's been distant ever since. Now they hang out fairly often, whereas before he never did. Despite feeling as though I have no right to tell him who to be friends with, I feel like all she's done is try to break us apart, and lately, IT'S WORKING. I told him to choose between his relationship with me or his friendship with her, and it sparked a new fight. I'm starting to feel as though something might be going on between them (which he denies). What do you think is going on? Do I have a right to feel as though she is a major problem in our relationship?
sammielynn sammielynn 22-25, F 17 Answers Nov 9, 2012 in Broken Hearts & Betrayal

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you are exactly right. i have lived 41 years and been cheated on during that time and they always act this way. personally i`d dump him and find someone else. he IS cheating with her. don`t put up with it. guys are not worth the fight! there`s always another one just around the corner!

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This should have been squashed by him for good the 2nd time that it happened inthe relationship. The first time may have been a misunderstanding. I am perplexed as why it has carried in for a year. Your so called relationship has been in limbo for a while. Time is short... Cash it un and move on.

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Yes you most certainly do. I would say his choice is obvious to all but you at this point. By the way you do have a right to voice yourself when it comes to a partners friendship with someone else just as they have the right to listen to you or not. Thier choice. Sorry to hear.

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If he's your boyfriend, you have a right to expect his loyalty to you and your relationship and to respect your feelings. He is not doing that.<br />
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Remember .. it takes 2 to break up a relationship ... your boyfriend is just as guilty as she is by allowing this to happen.<br />
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I would move on and find someone who doesn't play games like this. It doesn't sound like you would be the loser in all of this ... better to know this and not waste anymore time with the guy.

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Absolutely you have a right! You granted him access to your heart, possibly your temple. You have every right to inquire. Just as he has the right of refusal. I wish you well...

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Yeah you should be upset and you should believe that something is going on, it sure sounds that way. I feel bad for you, don't settle for someone like that, if he truly loved you, that girl would not be in his life, since she is making it apparent she wants him.

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Break up with him and don't contact him at all,if he really want you over her he will come running back but by then you have found someone new which is almost always the case.

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This girl's behaviour is creating a problem in your relationship but the real problem is your partner. He is the one allowing her to do this and it is with him you should take issue. If your partner loves you as he should why would he risk losing you over his friendship with a girl who is obviously intent on causing a problem? If you had a male friend who was trying to get you for himself and you spent time with would your husband be okay with that? You could try that kind of reasoning with him in a calm manner to see if he just isn't understanding how much this hurts you but, if you can't resolve this, I would conclude he isn't truly committed to you. I hate to say this but is he worth having? If you feel you deserve better then you probably do.

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I've tried everything... It seems to me like the best option at this point is to gracefully bow out. I hate fighting, and if this is someone he plans on keeping around, there will be nothing but issues in the future. It shouldn't be this way. Thank you all for your help :)

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Obviously-YES! There's something there that she started, despite his denials. Best to look out for yourself in this situation....:-(

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He probly hung out with her fairly often BEFORE ,& u just never KNEW it ... Soundz like he was LOOKING for a reason to end it with u ...& he FOUND it ,..not saying yur wrong , but in HIS mind, u ran yur MOUTH too much ..& is using THAT as an excuse

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Ok i have experienced something similar and i found the moment i stopped making it out to be something it wasn't was the moment it stopped being such an issue until eventually the other person became boring and they chat very rarely now. My partner really could not see my problem with his friend even though they had been obviously flirting with each other previous to our relationship and she continued to be quite suggestive in things she would say. This women was tall slim beautiful had been a model in her younger years (everything I believed i wasnt) To me she was a threat when in reality i was the threat for letting my mind run away with me and pushing him towards her with my distrust.

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Relationships are built on trust.<br />
Do you trust him?

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Of course he's wrong, but that doesn't change anything. This is no longer repairable.

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i think this situation could have been handles much more maturly. To tell the truth you drove him away by telling him to choose. I get the feeling that both of you are over reacting. But this chick is trying to drive you two apart, and the only reaeson its working is because of you two fighting over what she says.

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how can they not fight over it? another solution?

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I agree with you- the only reason it's working is because we're fighting about it. The first time we ever fought in the year we've been together was about a month ago when he actually believed something she said about me. At that point, it was clear that her pathetic attempts to sabotage things were working.

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word of advice. dont get mad at her. the best way to get back at a chick like that is to just be nice. no matter how hard it is. dont start a fight, dont go after her exept to tell her nicelly and politely that you dont apprechite what she did. then no one can turn against you because you did nothing wrong

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of course you have a right to see her as a major problem seems like she isn't a very good friend of your boyfriends if she slags you to him, personally id dump him if my boyfriends friend was talking about me all the time id be insulted if he was still friends with them you don't do that to friends leave him you deserve better :)

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