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The "boyfriend" choked her to the point she had bruises on her neck. I believe it was their 2 year old son who saved her life, by begging his dad to stop. They broke up, and now apparently are back together. She is coming to visit me from out of town with my 4 nieces and nephews. Out of the blue she asked if it was ok if she also brings along the "boyfriends" 2 daughters as well. I told her she could if she had to, but that I felt really uncomfortable with it. Now she is mad at me and doesn't want to come at all. I know it's not the kids fault, but I don't want to pretend like I am okay with her having a relationship with this guy. Should I have just said it was okay for her to bring them along as if they were part of my family? I adore my sis and her kids...do I have to adore his kids too? Am I just being a jerk? Thanks for any input.
nasparkles nasparkles 36-40 10 Answers Jan 14, 2013 in Family Struggles

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I don't see a problem with her bringing the kids..by your own story..you think one of them saved her life. They have nothing to do with their father being a vile human being and could likely use a bit of care and kindness with that sort of father. I could see if you had something against the kids or a lack of space as the issue. and clearly...you don't have to allow him in your home.

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The one that saved her life is actually her son, my nephew. The 2 in question aren't related to me. But...I do agree with you that the girls could use the care and kindness. But...caring for his girls isn't going to save my sister the next time he decides to kick her ***.

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but he's not coming...so You can allow them...so she can come with them if she wants to show them inclusion too...without saying that you are okay with him. People shouldn't be treated badly because their parent is a jerk. It's still okay to have a real conversation about your concern for her and the dangerous choice she has made. It makes since that she might want to bring them...they are siblings if she has a son that is their brother.

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Not to mention, that he is bringing harm to my actual nieces and nephews when he abuses her in front of them. Had my 15 year old nephew been there when he attacked her, I'm certain he would have tried to defend his mother, and who knows what would have happened in that scenario. I don't even want to think about it.

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Yes, that's true. And I guess that was what I was trying to do by telling her she could bring them if she had to, but that I was uncomfortable with it. I'm not uncomfortable with the kids, just the situation. So I should have worded it differently. I was hoping to open up a dialouge with her, but she just never responded to me. I appreciate your input, thanks!

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Nah you arent, you just arent supporting her abusive relationship which i completely admire as hard as it might be.

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I appreciate that, thanks :)

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You're not being wrong at all. It's your house. She's lucky that you're even letting her jack *** boyfriend step foot in your house. If my sisters boyfriend did that to her, I'd let him in my house alright...So I could put a bullet right between his eyes. But that's just lil' old me :3

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Oh...he's not coming to my house!! She just wants to bring his kids. But I guess that is what made me feel uncomfortable about it...if I let his kids come, I feel like I am approving of her relationship with him.

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Understandable. Did you ever just tell her that you don't approve of him? You could always go old school and just kick his *** for laying a hand on your sister ;) I do not approve of spousal abuse. (or in this case girlfriend/boyfriend abuse)

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She knows I don't like him, I mean...he almost killed her. I was compelled to hurt him for what he did to my sis, but I won't jeapordize my life (I have my own son to think of) to try and save someone who don't want to be saved. What would likely happen...I go to jail or worse, and she goes straight back to him anyways. That's usually what happens in those cases, right?

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Unfortunately you're right that's usually the case. It's a shame. Some people are willing to risk everything including their family, kids, and their own lives just to stay with someone. I can't imagine what they see in someone who's willing to do physical harm to them. I hope things go ok for you. Feel free to message me if you need to vent or something. Good luck to you and your sister.

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Thanks, I appreciate your letting me vent!

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Not at all. As you both live there, who you have to stay should be a joint decision as it affects both of you.

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No, you are not wrong for ex<x>pression your discomfort.

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