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My 13 year old step daughter lives with us full time. She abuses US. She steals from us , from money, jewelery to petty things for the sake of taking something. She punches holes in walls and does things to herself and tells people that we did it. She back talks and is a compulsive liar. She even makes up stories to lie.Her friends all quit talking to her because they figured it out that she was always telling lies. I've seen the notes they wrote her and they were shaming her for what she does. This is kids her age and they even know but yet she can twist adults into feeling sorry for her. She was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder and they are suspecting personality disorders. She has temper tantrums that last for hours at a time. She was admitted to a mental hospital after a 5 hour tantrum while she pulled her hair and scratched into her body. My other kids are literally holding their ears to tune her out. I'm in tears over this. Is there any help for me an my husband?
Robin032874 Robin032874 36-40, F 5 Answers May 18, 2012

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It is sad to say, but in my opinion, for the safety and peace of mind for the rest of the family, she needs to be removed from the home and placed in a safe place, for treatment. Are there drugs involved?

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No she doesn't do drugs. The abuse is like a drug to her. Her grandmothers on both sides think the same thing, that she should be removed but there isn't anywhere for her to go. Her real mom hasn't been in the picture since she was 3 so that isn't an option either.

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No, even another parent or relative wouldn't do. This girl needs PROFESSIONAL help. A group home where thy are trained to deal with this kind of behavior. Proper counseling and therapy. Perhaps medication. I don't know. I hate the idea of medicating kids, but for some, there is no other way. It is even possible that this whole behavior problem is an allergic reaction to some food she eats. There is simply no way to know. (I know the alleric reaction is highly unlikely, but I did know someone who was exhibiting bizarre behavior, and it turned out she was allergic to something (I don't recall what it was) As soon as they altered her diet, she was totally different. I can also tell you of a few other people who had kids with bizarre behavior problems and what they did to get it handled.............without removing the kids from the home, and without medication. www.visiontherapysolutions.net/ This has worked for a couple of kids I know personally. One with Asperger's and one with just bad behavior. Both settled down soon after beginning this therapy. It is a computer program you install and they do the vision exercises each day, and in a short time their behavior is much more settled.

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No, even another parent or relative wouldn't do. This girl needs PROFESSIONAL help. A group home where thy are trained to deal with this kind of behavior. Proper counseling and therapy. Perhaps medication. I don't know. I hate the idea of medicating kids, but for some, there is no other way. It is even possible that this whole behavior problem is an allergic reaction to some food she eats. There is simply no way to know. (I know the alleric reaction is highly unlikely, but I did know someone who was exhibiting bizarre behavior, and it turned out she was allergic to something (I don't recall what it was) As soon as they altered her diet, she was totally different.

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I can also tell you of a few other people who had kids with bizarre behavior problems and what they did to get it handled.............without removing the kids from the home, and without medication. www.visiontherapysolutions.net/ This has worked for a couple of kids I know personally. One with Asperger's and one with just bad behavior. Both settled down soon after beginning this therapy. It is a computer program you install and they do the vision exercises each day, and in a short time their behavior is much more settled.

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I would try all other opts before putting her in a group home, she could come out worse then when she went in rap is common place in some of these places and if something like that were to happen noone would believe her

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Is there a place where she can be admitted for full time, intensive help? I'm not suggesting a mental institution. Sometimes there are facilities that provide a more home-like living environment for disturbed teens, along with therapy, meds, etc. If you keep her at home, the situation is only going to get worse.<br />
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It's not healthy for your other children or you and your husband to have this going on in your lives. And it sounds as if this girl needs immediate and intensive help, if she's ever going to have any kind of a normal life.

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I fully agree but that's where we are finding dead ends.

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Nothing in you letter states that you saught help other than a brief hospital stay. Sounds Trolly

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That's because I only had so much space to type. There has been a hospital stay, several visits to that hospital since, the entire family is in therapy as a group and as individuals, the school has stayed in touch and we even called the police several times to help us with her. They even put her in their car one time but it didn't do any good at all. There is a youth center here but they won't keep her. The police told us that if we sent her there we would have to take her back home within an hour and then face a ton of court costs with no results.

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Thats a tough one just keep in mind that if she has a mental disorder its not really her failt. I would say meds but the way it sounds she would refuse to take them I wish i had more help to offer but i really don't know,,13 is a rough age anyway with out mood and personality disorders i wish you luck

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The doctor tried her on Prozac but it didn't help at all so he took her off of it. She bragged about the meds to everyone at school and totally embarrassed her 15 year old brother by telling everything at the bus stop about her stay in the hospital. She actually bragged about it.

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so are you her step mom?

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Yes, but I claim her as my own daughter. I've had her since she was barely 3 years old. She's always called me mom. Everyone is always shocked when I have to mention that she is actually my step daughter, like at school for paperwork, because we don't acknowledge the "step" word any other time. I love her as if she were my own. We have 3 other children as well. I have a step son, my biological daughter and we have a son together.

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