Went through that from both sides for years and the heartache is bad at either angle
I know the feeling , or knew the feeling until I decided "no more" . Took a while to cope with the loss but now I'm in a much healthier relationship and the years of circles are at an end
I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. He probably blew up at you because he cared so much, and then forgave you because he loves you silly. Work on your problems, he will support you and you will be strong forever!