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Sesi1990 Sesi1990 22-25, F 5 Answers Nov 25, 2012 in Community

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Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting, otherwise you are setting yourself up for another dose of whatever you forgave. It means setting a boundary so that it doesn't hurt you any longer and not to plot revenge.

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My dear, why hold on to resentment if you've forgiven?

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Remembering is not resentment if I've made peace

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It is. Can you remember without feeling resentment? Those that insist on saying they've forgiven are simply in denial. They're too ashamed to admit to themselves that they haven't really forgiven.

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Forgiveness doesn't mean becoming brain-dead. It means that although you won't forget, you are willing to let it go. As CherokeePatti said, if you forget the harm done, you will let it happen again.

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You don't have to remember the bad done to you in order to prevent it from happening in future, that happens automatically. Your subconscious immediately register that you should avoid that. You are fooling yourself if you think that by remembering you are forgiving, it isn't possible.

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Okay. You have your mind made up.

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Forgive but don't forget

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Then you haven't forgiven. To forgive means to let go of resentment towards. Is it possible to recall harm done to you without feeling resentment? If you can honestly answer "yes" to that question, then your refusal to forget is justified.

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Then you have not truly forgiven-you still harbor resentment- I haven't spoken to my mother in years b/c I can't let it go

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If you've ever forgiven someone who repeatedly takes it as a green light to try more evil things then you will know the difference between forgive and forget

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She views making peace as weakness- f her

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You see! I am glad you realize that.

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wish i learned it sooner

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You stop being their friend, the forgive and let go. Either that or keep forgiving or letting go. The very definition of forgiveness is letting go of resentment towards, and if you haven't let go of resentment, how can you claim you've forgiven? The very reason that you decide to hold on to that resentment is to bring it up in future, and that defeats the purpose of forgiveness.

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Yes, it never ceases to amaze me how people can feel that way. I'm not perfect, but I don't delude myself about forgiveness.

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I never claimed to have forgiven her

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And you're wise for doing so. Forgive in your own time, but don't lie to yourself and say you've forgiven when the resentment still remains.

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my mother is an endless well of resentable offenses

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8 More Responses

Resentment doesn't mean you haven't the ability to forgive. <br />
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I resent not having a chance to have normal life style .....but still, I have forgiven.

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It does. How can you recall something bad done to you without feeling resentment?

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Yeah. Remember forgiving it back nicely.

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What do you mean?

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