People have tried making me think I do and I have given it a lot of thought, I think about my actions, I think about theirs and I have come to the conclusion that no, I am fine. And only people with the right moral fibre would have the courage to question themselves without fear.
It does, I know people who've bullied me inhumanly, I know who they are and what they do. I've silently taken their tyranny and I sleep better than them and I am sure of that. I try to check my actions as much as possible and stay on the right path. I pray more often and hope I conduct myself properly.
I've learned a lot, it has been painful but I know who I should be.
I don't wonder, I know. I fantasise about being the depraved, wicked person who gropes people on public transport, pays for hoes, letches over little girls, bullies those smaller than me, and so on.<br />
And yet... so many times I've had the opportunity to be mean, to exploit people, and get away with it. And it wasn't fear of getting caught that prevented me, it was not even fear of hurting the people I'd do it to. So instead of being that delightfully depraved monster that I would love to be, I stand up for the underdog, against authority if it asks me to oppress them; I help anyone who asks and offer my help to those that don't; I accept friends as themselves rather than judge them or try to change them, even where all their other friends have deserted them because who they are is an ***-hat. Most importantly, even when the only person who'd know would be me, I've done the Right Thing. Like... I checked the mail at work and discovered a very delayed mail containing a thousand bucks of cash, which had already been written off as "lost in the mail". Another time, I found a roll of money on the floor, held with an elastic band - no identifying information. Both times, any sane person would say "hey, free money"; both times, I found the owner and returned it.<br />
For a long time, I thought it was just that my real self, my core of perversion and evil was hidden well inside me, clutched to my heart as my deepest secret. But instead, I have come to realize it's not who I am; my core is that "right moral fiber" person, and the darkness is just a safe cloak of fantasy that I hide in sometimes. My morality defines me, not my immorality.
When I self assessed, took my own "moral inventory" after feeling like I was not quite on the "Moral standards" of the masses, I declared myself completely and unequivocally...Sane. I came to this conclusion after realizing it is completely moronic on a high scale, for me to allow myself to be measured in any way by standards formed and created by society. My question stills exist for the masses, define "Moral"? When you do, enlighten me to when it was established and by whom? Then finally, explain to me why you follow?
Yea, I have ask that question many times in my life. There are so many pieces to that moral fiber. Experiences, intentions, knowledge, who our soul is, our current situation are all a part of what we are macked out of what we will become. I used to question everything.
No as deep as I used to. When Angel Gabriel come to me and told me that God knows me and loves me that stopped my questioning as far as if I was good enough. I had already done all I could do to make myself the best person I knew how to be at the time. And I saw that was good enough for God and Angel Gabriel so I accepted me as I am. I do try to keep on improving though. Always improving.
God feels the same with you too. He knows you and he cares for you too. You are good enough for God just the way you are. God knows we are not perfect and will make mistakes. He knows we have difficulties. And he loves us anyway.
That is the key right there. God in our lives and nothing can destroy our soul.
thats too deep..questionable content?? i didnt get it.
well i think a lot..if someone else in my place, must have gone crazy by now.
and that did not have a good result in the past few years, when i would delve too deep,that would make me really sad and i would feel everyone, including me, is living an purposeless life...so i would feel really bad. thats why i have now decided to not to think about those stuffs and do my job or else i will be doomed. (well going by those logic,it doesnt even matter. but i will think no more.) period. :p
and btw whats retirement for...i leave them here until then. then i will have plenty of time to think all rubbish. i jst hope i can catch up with where i left.. ;)