It has it's ups and downs, it's all about being positive, never giving up and having faith it will get better. I haven't had any contact with any part of my family in 3 years, I have no friends, no husband, no boyfriend and I work from home I'm 100% all alone. I've become a very strong person and I know I can handle just about anything, but it's been very rough.<br />
If I had or have any type of emergency I must deal with it myself and it's scary. I have days sometimes weeks when I'm sad and depressed and cry out to G_d that I can't take much more. I have to pick myself up and move on since I have no one else to depend on or talk to.<br />
I get annoyed when I read answers above from people who have someone in their life so they don't have to cope with things alone
yeah - pick me .....right now i'm not coping too well, so i can't offer any advice....
I can totally relate...You have to be your own counselor, friend, mommy & daddy, teacher, and not make mistakes more than once...
Yes, my family completely ignores me . I don't know how I cope. I lived this way all my life since I was 14. I guess I've just gotten use to it. However, it's really hard somes days especially holidays.<br />
This is the way my family is , If you screw-up your out of the circle. believe me when I say this It's extremely hard to get back in!<br />
I will not expose my kids to this kind of life due the fact we are not perfect and we ALL make mistakes. You don't love the child one minute then treat them like trash and throw them away for good.
I have been on my own for years. I don't have a good family and haven't talked to them for a total of 21 years and believe me when I say I'm not missing anything that would be considered as valued. Being on my own and not having any one to support me has made me a much stronger person because I've had to deal with a lot. I've had bad times with my grown children and I recently had my fill of that and I have broken the maternal bond with them finally and I feel nothing about it. The thing is the more that's thrown at you to the more you can deal with. In time you get that sense of independence and assurance and you know that nothing will break you just because you stand alone. Give it time to happen to you and accept what you can't<br />
change as long as it's not harmful to yourself or to others otherwise fight it and keep fighting. That too will make you a stronger person and able to handle being on your own.
It can sometimes be difficult, when everyone else has ''perfect'' families and your are on the outside watching them, with none of your own. I've always had difficulties with my family. I think it is because they all have Aspergers and find it difficult to communicate. My mother hugged me for the first time in my life last year and that was forced! I don't see my family for several years at a time. The last time I spoke with my dad, five years ago, he said he didn't want to see me any more. He now lives like a hermit. I have got to respect his wishes. I have learnt to move on from this by educating myself using self help books. I have been able to reprogramme myself to see things differently. You can not make other people change,but you can change yourself. This is the best course of action. Try to see your ''cup as half full, instead of half empty'. Think of all the positive things in your life. If you are alone you can travel wherever you like, without missing people. You have more freedom to do what you want to do. There is a whole, big world out there with lots of fun to be had in it! Please also remember that you never really know if people you see have the 'perfect' family. Alot of families hold dark secrets but put on a public facade of happiness. You can't do anything about the past. It has gone. Live in the present moment and make goals for the future. We are conditioned into believing that we must fit into the family stereotype, but there are various other ways of living. Good friends can be equally important as your family. You can choose a new family of friends who will love you for who you are. You can also have a family of your own or live as a couple. It is likely that if you don't have children you will have less responsibility and more available money and can do more exciting things with your life. Writing a diary, chatting on line, attending classes are all good ways to counter act loneliness and help you to resolve problems. Each one of us is ultimately alone but really we are all one, with the same hopes and fears. Good luck on your journey.<br />
Love and peace Artistaeli.
I have one brother and we talk maybe twice a month. He's got his own stuff to deal with so I always try and keep it light. How do I cope? I just do...what other choice is there?
I do a lot of talking to God for one thing. Just to get stuff off my mind.<br />
Besides that, I try to keep my priorities in order. Keeping the things that directly affect me and need immediate attention separate from the things that I have no control over. And probably can't change anyway.<br />
Discipline would be a good term for it. Pick and choose what's important and what isn't. And don't bounce all over the place trying to solve everything at the same time. Or make mountains out of mole hills.<br />
Just like the weather, if you wait 5 minutes, some things may change and take care of themselves. The key is not to panic or let it overwhelm you.
My mother was addicted to crack cocaine and left me in an abandoned building when I was a few months old. My father is an alcoholic and pretty much an intolerable psychotic. I have no relationship at all with my family and I have always felt like I was a mistake. Well actually more like an accident since my father was married to another woman the day him and my mother conceived me. I have little to no relationship with my parents or my half siblings, who despise me because my birth disrupted their "perfect family". <br />
I cry a lot, I'm sad and I often ask god "why am I still here?" I have no one to talk to and I feel absolutely alone in this world. The only reason I am alive is because I have hope; hope that this nightmare will get better. Hope that for once in my life someone will love me. Hope that there really is a silver lining at the end of the tunnel.
i am 19 years old and both of my parents are dead i have nobody to talk to or depend on i have friends but no family it is awful to have no parents to introduce my boyfriend to and I'm hurt and asghamed* i long to find a mother figure toi care for and suppoirt me if anyone is having similar pain please email me x
As a child who grew up in an unconventional living situation, I learned early on to do what was necessary whether it be getting the best grades in my class, being the best soccer pla<x>yer at recess, learning how to make your own dinner, or how to behave in normal situations. I had to figure out how to access situations and behavior and recreate it. I learned that looking for the best in my life (even though it was painfully embarrassing and horrible compared to other kids I knew) was the only way I'd swallow reality- so I did, and this became my glorified coping mechanism for years to come.<br />
I was raised by my single grandmother who was in the process of mourning for her husband who had died of cancer the same year I was born. Simultaneously, she was also taking care of her son who was a schizophrenic (medicated, but still not capable of living independently), working full time, taking care of me. I never stopped feeling guilty about this to this day, regardless of how irrational it may be.<br />
My mother, a reckless alcoholic, would pop in and out of my life every year or two, to show up with promises and a new boyfriend for a month or two when they needed a place to rebuild their new sober life. I never was hurt by this, it was what I expected. I never held hopes, so I never were broken. I never met my father, or knew anything about him. I learned his name when I was 20.<br />
When I was 8, my 5 year old half-sister that I didn't know well moved in with us. She was misbehaved, rowdy, and took the last ounce of attention that was still available for me. At this time, I convinced myself I didn't want attention and that achievement was for intrinsic reasons (although it's apparent and unfortunate, this was just a 10 year old's unconscious self-constructed coping mechanism). Meanwhile, I was riddled with the need to achieve, yet painfully shy. I would spend hours reading any books we had in the house. For a long time, this was copies of the Baby-Sitters Club or excerpts from the 1990 encyclopedia, and even my reading book from school. I moved on to getting recommendations from the librarian, and continued to seek out literature for comfort and understanding. And in-between these moments of triumph and distraction, I actualized my feelings regarding the situation of feeling overlooked, by sitting near my window and reciting extemporaneous spoken word. With my experiences and the wisdom I gained from these stories, I learned self-pity would never be the answer, nor would being bitter. What I didn't learn is that secret sadness never dissipates.<br />
I'm in my 20s now, I don't talk to any of my family except my grandmother who is in her 70s, retired, and playing caretaker to my mentally ill uncle, and sister who was later diagnosed with autism. I'm on the outskirts. My life looks much different now, happier, richer, less isolated. Positivity has an expiration date. Eventually, I found myself aware of my loss and need for an idealized family. It'
I have no family and find it exhausting and very lonely. But I cope as I have no choice. The worst thing is feeling all the time that I don't matter to anyone.
yes, i am. i just remember that God loves EVERYBODY, even me, and problems will pass. they always have.
I only see my brother and his family every few months at most.. I mostly don't cope; but I have my friends here and they really help me a lot. :)
I have had little support throughout my life. The way I cope is to find solutions - not focus on problems. I also read the Bible - I fell less alone after reading scripture.
Nice avatar, lostspirit. Would like to know more about it. As for your question, I do have family yet I have to deal with everything on my own anyway. I certainly don't know the background to your question but just because family is absent in one's life, ultimately, that absence is not a scapegoat/reason/excuse, etc. Even with family around, it's reasonable and healthy for an adult to be capable of handling things on his/her own. There is approx. 6.7 billion people on the planet; even in your vicinity there are people and we're here on EP too, right? I honestly believe there will be at least one person who can and will help another deal with things, whatever they may be.
Yes. My small family such as it is causes much grief. I have a few close friends instead. Also I pick up a lot of ideas from EP and the net generally. I guess I have mentors as well. It gets lonely.
How do I cope? I know I am the only responsible for me and my future. I have a son but we are not close and I wouldn't consider him someone I would go to. <br />
It used to be different, when my parents, aunts, grandmother, etc. were alive. But they are dead. <br />
I feel sad and alone much of the time. But I don't really envy those with families. They have their own dramas to deal with.
I have a toddler son and my dad passed away before he was born and my mom passed away a year later. I have no more family in the state I live in and the father of my son is a deadbeat dad. And all I can say is this is so very difficult.
I have got divorced parents and feel distant from them. So, I deal with my problems on my own all the time. However, I am not coping well. I often feel like losing control.