It has it's ups and downs, it's all about being positive, never giving up and having faith it will get better. I haven't had any contact with any part of my family in 3 years, I have no friends, no husband, no boyfriend and I work from home I'm 100% all alone. I've become a very strong person and I know I can handle just about anything, but it's been very rough.<br />
If I had or have any type of emergency I must deal with it myself and it's scary. I have days sometimes weeks when I'm sad and depressed and cry out to G_d that I can't take much more. I have to pick myself up and move on since I have no one else to depend on or talk to.<br />
I get annoyed when I read answers above from people who have someone in their life so they don't have to cope with things alone
I have been like this for years... I really don't know how to cope with it... Depression has been with me for years... I just don't know how to deal with it... :(
I have no family and find it exhausting and very lonely. But I cope as I have no choice. The worst thing is feeling all the time that I don't matter to anyone.
yeah - pick me .....right now i'm not coping too well, so i can't offer any advice....
I can totally relate...You have to be your own counselor, friend, mommy & daddy, teacher, and not make mistakes more than once...
i am 19 years old and both of my parents are dead i have nobody to talk to or depend on i have friends but no family it is awful to have no parents to introduce my boyfriend to and I'm hurt and asghamed* i long to find a mother figure toi care for and suppoirt me if anyone is having similar pain please email me x
Yes, my family completely ignores me . I don't know how I cope. I lived this way all my life since I was 14. I guess I've just gotten use to it. However, it's really hard somes days especially holidays.<br />
This is the way my family is , If you screw-up your out of the circle. believe me when I say this It's extremely hard to get back in!<br />
I will not expose my kids to this kind of life due the fact we are not perfect and we ALL make mistakes. You don't love the child one minute then treat them like trash and throw them away for good.
I have been on my own for years. I don't have a good family and haven't talked to them for a total of 21 years and believe me when I say I'm not missing anything that would be considered as valued. Being on my own and not having any one to support me has made me a much stronger person because I've had to deal with a lot. I've had bad times with my grown children and I recently had my fill of that and I have broken the maternal bond with them finally and I feel nothing about it. The thing is the more that's thrown at you to the more you can deal with. In time you get that sense of independence and assurance and you know that nothing will break you just because you stand alone. Give it time to happen to you and accept what you can't<br />
change as long as it's not harmful to yourself or to others otherwise fight it and keep fighting. That too will make you a stronger person and able to handle being on your own.
I have one brother and we talk maybe twice a month. He's got his own stuff to deal with so I always try and keep it light. How do I cope? I just do...what other choice is there?
I do a lot of talking to God for one thing. Just to get stuff off my mind.<br />
Besides that, I try to keep my priorities in order. Keeping the things that directly affect me and need immediate attention separate from the things that I have no control over. And probably can't change anyway.<br />
Discipline would be a good term for it. Pick and choose what's important and what isn't. And don't bounce all over the place trying to solve everything at the same time. Or make mountains out of mole hills.<br />
Just like the weather, if you wait 5 minutes, some things may change and take care of themselves. The key is not to panic or let it overwhelm you.
My mother was addicted to crack cocaine and left me in an abandoned building when I was a few months old. My father is an alcoholic and pretty much an intolerable psychotic. I have no relationship at all with my family and I have always felt like I was a mistake. Well actually more like an accident since my father was married to another woman the day him and my mother conceived me. I have little to no relationship with my parents or my half siblings, who despise me because my birth disrupted their "perfect family". <br />
I cry a lot, I'm sad and I often ask god "why am I still here?" I have no one to talk to and I feel absolutely alone in this world. The only reason I am alive is because I have hope; hope that this nightmare will get better. Hope that for once in my life someone will love me. Hope that there really is a silver lining at the end of the tunnel.
As a child who grew up in an unconventional living situation, I learned early on to do what was necessary whether it be getting the best grades in my class, being the best soccer pla<x>yer at recess, learning how to make your own dinner, or how to behave in normal situations. I had to figure out how to access situations and behavior and recreate it. I learned that looking for the best in my life (even though it was painfully embarrassing and horrible compared to other kids I knew) was the only way I'd swallow reality- so I did, and this became my glorified coping mechanism for years to come.<br />
I was raised by my single grandmother who was in the process of mourning for her husband who had died of cancer the same year I was born. Simultaneously, she was also taking care of her son who was a schizophrenic (medicated, but still not capable of living independently), working full time, taking care of me. I never stopped feeling guilty about this to this day, regardless of how irrational it may be.<br />
My mother, a reckless alcoholic, would pop in and out of my life every year or two, to show up with promises and a new boyfriend for a month or two when they needed a place to rebuild their new sober life. I never was hurt by this, it was what I expected. I never held hopes, so I never were broken. I never met my father, or knew anything about him. I learned his name when I was 20.<br />
When I was 8, my 5 year old half-sister that I didn't know well moved in with us. She was misbehaved, rowdy, and took the last ounce of attention that was still available for me. At this time, I convinced myself I didn't want attention and that achievement was for intrinsic reasons (although it's apparent and unfortunate, this was just a 10 year old's unconscious self-constructed coping mechanism). Meanwhile, I was riddled with the need to achieve, yet painfully shy. I would spend hours reading any books we had in the house. For a long time, this was copies of the Baby-Sitters Club or excerpts from the 1990 encyclopedia, and even my reading book from school. I moved on to getting recommendations from the librarian, and continued to seek out literature for comfort and understanding. And in-between these moments of triumph and distraction, I actualized my feelings regarding the situation of feeling overlooked, by sitting near my window and reciting extemporaneous spoken word. With my experiences and the wisdom I gained from these stories, I learned self-pity would never be the answer, nor would being bitter. What I didn't learn is that secret sadness never dissipates.<br />
I'm in my 20s now, I don't talk to any of my family except my grandmother who is in her 70s, retired, and playing caretaker to my mentally ill uncle, and sister who was later diagnosed with autism. I'm on the outskirts. My life looks much different now, happier, richer, less isolated. Positivity has an expiration date. Eventually, I found myself aware of my loss and need for an idealized family. It'
yes, i am. i just remember that God loves EVERYBODY, even me, and problems will pass. they always have.
I only see my brother and his family every few months at most.. I mostly don't cope; but I have my friends here and they really help me a lot. :)
I have had little support throughout my life. The way I cope is to find solutions - not focus on problems. I also read the Bible - I fell less alone after reading scripture.
Nice avatar, lostspirit. Would like to know more about it. As for your question, I do have family yet I have to deal with everything on my own anyway. I certainly don't know the background to your question but just because family is absent in one's life, ultimately, that absence is not a scapegoat/reason/excuse, etc. Even with family around, it's reasonable and healthy for an adult to be capable of handling things on his/her own. There is approx. 6.7 billion people on the planet; even in your vicinity there are people and we're here on EP too, right? I honestly believe there will be at least one person who can and will help another deal with things, whatever they may be.
Yes. My small family such as it is causes much grief. I have a few close friends instead. Also I pick up a lot of ideas from EP and the net generally. I guess I have mentors as well. It gets lonely.
I was talking to someone about this the other day and I would really like to offer support to anyone who feels this way. You will find that people who have family won't understand you because people who have family can never truly understand how this feels. It will sometimes feel incredibly lonely, so here are some of the thoughts that have helped me cope over the years, I hope they help:
Make your own family - with friends. They won't always be there for you but neither are family all the time! People will come and go throughout your life but there should be a few people you pick up in your life that are always there (these include people you don't see all the time but you can "pick up where you left off" and you always feel comfortable around them). Remember that family are not always there all the time, so neither will friends be there all the time. I find this a small comfort.
Get a pet - I know it sounds sad but I find great comfort in my pets love. The relationship that I build with my pets fill some of my love tanks. If you live alone it also helps that you have someone to come home to! This will obviously only apply to people who like animals!
Talk to yourself - tell yourself what you like about you, talk to yourself about your problems. Speak the words out-loud or write it down. Be your own family! I know it sounds weird to say "talk to yourself out-loud" but it helps to make yourself your own best friend, it makes you stronger. I sometimes use the method of talking to my inner child...it sounds really hippy right? but I thought that until I tried it! When I'm upset or need comfort I envision myself at 9 years old (a point in my life which caused the most hurt and the loss of my family). I talk to 9 year old me and I tell her that she's going to be ok because I'm here to put her needs first.
If your family rejected you or you feel rejected by your family remember that doesn't mean you are not loved or likeable. Family can be mean, family can say awful things about their members. Think of all the problems you hear about from other people's lives, the stories about mother-in-laws being crazy, the mothers and fathers who have given up children to Social Care Services. Remind yourself that other people also have crazy families so you are not alone!
If you have lost your family due to unforeseen circumstances like death or unwanted separation remember that you are not alone. Think of all the orphaned children in the world. Remember that life is incredibly hard and unfair...I've never met a person who said that their life is easy and fair! Life is a ***** and you have survived, remember above everything that your family would have wanted you to be happy and that they still love you. Carry that love in your heart remember that we don't know what happens after this life but we can remember the love we have received in this life.
These thoughts above I find are only small comforts but any small comfort is better than nothing! If you don't have a family remember that there are people here that sympathise with you, it's hard to cope with having no family, having no one to turn to when things get tough and I'm not going to lie this feeling, it will last your whole life...well at least until your old and saggy in an old people's home. Remember at that point everyone else would have lost their family too!
How do I cope? I know I am the only responsible for me and my future. I have a son but we are not close and I wouldn't consider him someone I would go to. <br />
It used to be different, when my parents, aunts, grandmother, etc. were alive. But they are dead. <br />
I feel sad and alone much of the time. But I don't really envy those with families. They have their own dramas to deal with.
I have a toddler son and my dad passed away before he was born and my mom passed away a year later. I have no more family in the state I live in and the father of my son is a deadbeat dad. And all I can say is this is so very difficult.
I have got divorced parents and feel distant from them. So, I deal with my problems on my own all the time. However, I am not coping well. I often feel like losing control.