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you? Do you want to disown them too?
TheBlessedOne TheBlessedOne 51-55, F 15 Answers Mar 15, 2014 in Parenting & Family

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I have disowned my family; I am not okay with the way I have been treated, overlooked, ignored, cast as this mental freak, or otherwise never even given the courtesy of a conversation and any lasting concern for what's right for me. I determine that, not my family. Furthermore, the lack of communication, the times where i really needed support and I was left on my own, being homeless and nearly suffering a heat stroke, no, those are not things that a real caring family would ever let you endear; a caring family would not withhold the truth from you, and would listen to your truths without being called this delusional confused demented person. I am so disgusted with my family, so horribly disgusted with them, I never want to see them, hear them, or have any form of communication with them ever again. They are not protecting me from any truth; they are harming me greatly from not getting any honest answers. They t hink my brain is too far gone, too damaged, that there is little to zero hope of me ever functioning properly (according to them, not me).

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You understand what it is all about. It is sad that family can't be there to help and support us. They are missing out on our help and support as well. We need to build a family of us orphaned adults.

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Being so utterly rejected by the ones who are supposed to care for you no matter what is absolutely heartbreaking. I have such empathy for you. I hope you manage to put some space between you and them so you can heal and do better in your own life. I wish you every happiness xx

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Thank you. I have put those people out of my life completely for long time now. My life is so peaceful without them. I did not realize how good it would be without them. I hope you can find happiness too. One really has no need for the abuse family gives out.

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my family is very loving...

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WOW, that must be a good experience. I am happy for you. I never had that.

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I detached from my mother's side over a period of years after realising they had no emotional investment in me as a person: there was no love, not even a passing interest. I was grown by this time: living on my own so it was easy to say I was 'busy' when an invite to a family occasion came my way. I haven't seen or heard from some of them for many years. I feel more at peace being away from people who don't care for me- regardless of their blood connection. I am still in touch with both parents; my father puts enormous pressure on me to facilitate his life (am managing his current house move entirely) & my mother is completely emotionally withholding; she can sit & watch me cry without flinching. In fact; my tears seem to make her angry. In my family- there is no love. I'm better off without them for the most part & just fulfil my duty to my parents because I'm a moral person. It's sad & dysfunctional & I feel I was born into the wrong family.

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That sounds like my family. They could care less about me. Now they lost me forever.

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I've tried my whole life to have a relationship with my mother but it always ends in tears- literally. Mine not hers. Both parents are survivors of child sex abuse & I think severely emotionally damaged as a result. Neither seem to be able to deal with someone else being emotional or upset; they try to block it out by ignoring it- or in my mother's case by getting angry and screaming at you. Hence I was not allowed to have feelings growing up. I became so detached as a teenager I used to feel as though I was literally on a different planet to everyone else; totally alone. I worked hard to overcome the resulting social awkwardness & made a lot of personal progress. But whenever I'm around them I'm pulled back into the same dysfunctional cycle; given my role to play & not allowed to be who I really am. I have parented my parents my entire life; I raised myself emotionally (& put myself through private therapy for several months as an adult). The rejection is by far the most hurtful thing. I'm trying to have my own child & it really bothers me that their blood relatives are such let-downs. It doesn't seem fair. I sometimes wonder if I should have a child - or if I should just let this dysfunctional family die with me. Is it even fair to bring a pure soul into this circus...

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Have your child. You will treat that child so differently that the child not experience what you have experienced. Your parents have never healed their past abuse. They never overcame their own pain and only shut down. My older sisters are like that. We all went through child sex abuse and they never healed. They never overcame all that pain and never grew up past a mental child. That is a bad environment to grow up in. I have nieces and nephews that are going through the same thing you are going through. It is a hard life to live. It sounds like you would be better off without them.

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I am going to try to have a child - but these are the things that worry me. Because I only want the best for them. I've thought since I was 12 or so - I could & will do a better job at parenting than them. That wouldn't be hard! But I do suffer from insecurity of the self-doubt kind- because I haven't been nurtured at all. The opposite in fact- emotionally stunted on purpose & bullied by my mother when she was at her worst after my parents divorced & she got custody. She needed someone to vent her anger on- & I was the only one left. I've survived a lot in my adult life; divorce, bankruptcy, domestic violence, miscarriage- being the larger traumas. But I still wonder if I'm strong enough to bring a child into my world- when they do their best to make it as dysfunctional as possible. I wonder- am I good enough? Which is the thought you're left with when your parents reject you & don't give you proper parental guidance or support. No matter how well I do or what herculean struggles I overcome on my own- I can never seem to shake that nagging feeling of 'am I good enough?'. As for being better off without them; my morals wouldn't allow me to turn my back on my father as he is 73 with a brain tumour. My mother although younger also has a debilitating illness. My problem is- I forget they are selfish & withholding as I project myself onto them & fool myself into thinking they love me when really it's just the reflection of my own love I see.

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You do have morals and that is good. You will be the one that will care for your parents in their old age. I was like that too. I tried to care for my mother. Once she was gone the rest of the family go to hell for all I care.

YOu are good enough to have a child and raise it right. You may feel like you are lacking but you are not. The fact that you are aware of what you did not get will be what will motivate you to give your child what you did not get. That will make you a great parent. You have been through traumas that have made you strong. That strength will also make you a better parent. Have your child and give it all the love you wanted and you will do fine as a parent. I think you will be the best parent ever.

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Thank you xx I'm the same- fulfilling my duty to my parents but am estranged from everyone else in the family. My mother doesn't help; she emails me photos of cousins, of my sister who I no longer speak to after she told me I wasn't her 'real' family (she's my half sister & has a different dad). We had an argument last night in which I said stop sending me pictures & updates about people I don't want to hear about. Her response was 'so I can't talk about my family?' - she persists in talking about them to me when she knows it upsets me. So selfish. Yet she won't tolerate a word- or a tear- from me. I have a tattoo on my back that says 'Freedom' which means freedom to be yourself- a thing denied to us all from the moment we are born. I've fought tooth & nail to be myself my whole life; to have my own identity not just the crappy labels given to me by these people I'm blood-tied to: 'the strong one', 'the scapegoat', 'the one who needs no help or love'. I will love my child fiercely & 'grow' them properly emotionally. I'm not the sort of person who 'wishes'; I'm proactive & I make things happen. But I do 'wish' it wasn't so hard :)

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3 More Responses

I already have !

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You too. Mine don't deserve me in their life.

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My blood family all have died except for my older brother. He is pretty set in his ways, but he treats me much better now than he did when we were younger. <br />
I'm sorry that you have been abused by your blood family , BlessedOne. No one deserves that kind of treatment especially from their own flesh and blood family members. Nothing hurts worse than that!!! Sometimes people don't realize what they have until they lose it.

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They have lost me and this time for good.

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You can pick your friends but family is a life sentence.

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"To thine own self be true". My blood relatives are not going to be a penny richer when my estate settles. Treat ME that way, huh?

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So you understand. I agree with you.

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I have nothing to do with any of them. Granted, most died early in life.

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My father disowned me...then died taking the answers as to why he felt I deserved this! I didn't disown my sister; I love her, but I did distance myself from her completely because of her betrayal and cruelty to me; not to punish her, but to protect myself...No one deserves abuse, so distance might be best for you as well.

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My family is a tight unit, if any of us have a problem we talk it out and put it behind us never harbor or hold grudges. If i did have such problems as you are experiencing i would tell them exactly how i felt and keep them at a distance disowning them is a strong word because they are still family no matter what.

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My family is awesome, we are all very close.

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Actually, it's a wonder they put up with me. They're all really nice. :)

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I have definitely kept my distance from some of my siblings.

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It seems like it is the only way. At my age and their age they should know better. I am age 50 and I think I have given them enough years to be good to me. They do not deserve me.

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how do they abuse you?

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Always calling me crazy or lazy. And they act like teenagers in how they do that to me. I am cutting them off as of today. It all happened when one of my sisters as me what kind of work I am doing now. It was her birthday and I said happy birthday. I make more money than they do and now they are posing nasty things on facebook. 60 years olds acting like 16 year olds. lol

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