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so i tried finding someone i can always obey... and never found one... cuz they all had faults... i dont get it... how can i obey someone who i find faulty? and if i obey someone who i dont beleive in... isnt it like being untrue to urself? i wonder if i ever will find a man ill find worth trusting, obeying and beleiving!!!
Watslifeallabout Watslifeallabout 31-35 24 Answers Nov 23, 2012 in Marriage

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Pardon me, I do not mean to offend you or your culture. Here is the US, and of a different religion, this is the ideal I grew to cherish-



Every human being is deserving of dignity and respect. Nothing in a romantic relationship should take that away from you, nor has the right to take that away from you. You are a beautiful human being and soul, and you are to be treated as such.



No one can be "in charge" if a relationship is to work. Both people need to put in an equal amount of work and love. If disagreements are to arise, compromise is your best friend, but also letting either the man or woman have their way (as long as it doesn't hurt the other person) every so often isn't bad either. As long as there is an even give and take between both people.



If any man ever thinks that he is "above" a woman- any better, any stronger, any wiser- he should remember that a Woman gave him life, and it was the most painful experience any human being can go through physically. He should remember that he is who he is because both woman and man shaped him and this world he lives in.

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FALSE! Islam doesn't ask to "always" obey you r husband, give me sources that say a woman must always obey her husband.

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i can quote u a story. a woman was married to a man. the man had asked her not to leave the house without tlling him. it so happened... that women fathr passed away... and she so wanted to go to her fathers place... but as per her husbands desire... she stayed back and waited... her husband returned... and saw her crying he asked wat happened... she said her father died... the husband felt greived...the matter went to rasulallah, who send prayers and wishes to the woman and man...and told the woman she has got a great reward in the akhirat for not going against her husbands wish... now i know no man in these times can expect that from her woman... and i wud be mad at him telling me to stop me from going out... infact i wud reason to him... and win him over... but u asked for a source so here is one... rasulallh does emphasise on a woman listening to her husband... and if its impossible to do so... that is when that man is going against faith or asking for something thats not righteous... she has a right to reason... but not cuz she doesnt want to... or doesnt feel like... thats wat my point is!

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First of all, "source" means Quran or "Hadith" not a story on a behaviour of a woman!! I know that is supposed to be a Hadith but it is a Haditht hat is telling a story, it is not an order by the prophet. Secondly, even if you look in the story, the prophet did not say a woman must always obey her husband, of course it is encouraged in Islam for a woman to respect and listen to her husband (and VICE VERSA) so that's why the prophet praised her, but where did he say that a woman must always obey a husband? You are quoting me a story, if that woman chose to react this way, that doesn't mean that Islam says so, does it? Actually the exact opposite is said, have you ever heard about this Hadith (No obedience to a creature in disobedience to the Creator)? So how are you saying that Islam says a woman must always obeys her husband, it contradicts the mentioned Hadith, please get your information right before spreading things about our belief, you always have to have a clear verse of the Quran or Hadith to support your claims and note that I said "clear" not a story that can be interpreted in different ways and does not have a clear statement of what you are claiming!

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i mentioned that in other comment... u r right... in faith u wudnt listn to anyone... but the truth is... when u marry and u end up with a wrong person... divorce is a way... but i find it a hopeless place to be... why shudnt i get the person i wudnt have to worry getting divorced or divorcing!!! and so i need the person i can obey and listen to and respect... and cud look up to!!! not someone who i can fear may ask me to do soemthing i cannot or shudnt! i get ur point though ... and i wud like to find someone i can obey... most of the time... and not some of the times!

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I hope you will find him and I am sure you will if you choose wisely and leave it to God and ask him to choose for you.
I am sorry if you have to go through a divorce, it could be the right thing to do, good luck.

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i'd check out the potential husbands parents........see how the dad treats the mom.......this will give you a good indication of whether he can combine common sense & religion

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I'm sorry. It's the religion you chose. I think the word "obey" should be replaced in the marriage vows, perhaps, "respect" would be a better word for both the man and wife.

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yes obedience is not a bad or wrong word... it just means to lsiten and do as per dictates of someone u love and trust... for example God! and to never heed satan!

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Mmmm. I think it's best you don't reflect on that aspect of your spirituality right now. In Christianity, many men quote a verse written by St. Paul in which it says that wives should obey their husbands. But the Bible is a huge book. It would be just as easy to read the verse adjacent that tells husbands how to love their wives properly.



My thought (not advice) is that their may be other aspects of your spiritual life to work on, rather than driving yourself crazy with this one.



Rahimakallah

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From what I've read and heard about Islam, it doesn't seem to offer women any respect or rights as a human being. I can't believe that - in the 21st century - women would still allow themselves to be treated like their husband's property.



It's just wrong. You deserve better.

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does my post even give u a hint of me being pressure to be married against my will... i know the law...infact n islam... marriage cannot happen if all agree but the girl... if she says no... nothing can happen... yet there are ppl who force girls... to go against their will for their own reasons and benefits... if u seek proper islamic law... a woman only has to obey two ppl. one God himself... and other she himself choses to obey. no one else.

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I also read your question (like lostinchicago) thinking that you were already in a marriage that you weren't happy with. It's a bit confusing.

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Well I can understand the respect part, it should be given, as he should show you respect as well, but the disobey I don't get, you're his wife, not his child.

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being a woman i know myself pretty well... i know how i get into a place cuz of my ego where it harms me...when i give reign to a just master... which i chose myself... i can use his wisdom and be relaxed. a mind is a dangerous master. if u only can understand wat i am talking abt. women need someone to help them rule them over... atleast i think i wud like that... but not by any tom **** and harry someone i take pride in following.:)

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Rule over you??!! Master??!! That's just ridiculous! To each their own but how about ruling over yourself and become the master of your own world, muslim or not because you're a woman!!

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That's all bullshit. Islam does NOT say that at all! As a muslim, i know what it says in islam. There are actually many hadiths that say that men should respect and care for their wives. I hate people like you. NONE of that **** americans think is true! NONE! We are ordinary people.

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ok u need to read through all my comment to get a picture!!!
obedience to a husband is important!!! ofcourse when he deserves it!

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It's called respect NOT obedience. Thank you for making muslims look like ****. Please look at the definition of "obedience" and the word "ignorant" while you're at it.

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I live in the most liberal values country in whole America and we do not bend like this to men. Actually it is women who seem to make rules and more men loves to be dominated....girl u brainwashed and dont know about it

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a man who dont know how to live wud definitely make a woman his direction! real man know where they are heading and its nothing bad if majority arent wise.

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see...I rest my case: u deeply brainwash

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u need to see the world too. u seem to be living in a shell! i rest my case

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You dont need to 'obey' anyone. You should be equal, you respect him, he respects you.



Im not Muslim btw.

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yes respect is mutual! a kid is asked to listen to his parrent... it doesnt mean the kid is not being respected... or a mother is not his equal... its abt the knowledge... the more knowledge u have the more wiser u r and two ppl with unequal degree of wisdom cant be equal now can they? respect is soemthing u shud give to everyone!

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The same falacy exists in traditional Christian doctrine about marriage. I may be Christian, but I think those old ideas like "must obey the man" need to go out the window.



Find yourself a man who will respect you and consider you a partner, not a servant. I'm sure I must be breaking some Sharia law by suggesting this, but you are better off alone than being in a lopsided marriage.

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I feel more empowered as a Christian when I read the New Testament, particularly when Jesus is speaking to women. A priest took the time to make one of my classes blatantly aware of how differently Jesus treated women, as compared to how they were "supposed" to be treated back then. It's very interesting actually, if you go back to the many Jewish traditions he was defying through his teachings!

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When he said he came to overturn, he was not joking.

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Indeed.

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all i am hoping is to find the right man... i dont have to leave after marrying cuz he ended up being a fool! like so many woman do these days...

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Be careful, whatever you choose.

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2 More Responses

What a beautiful insight. You're a smart woman.. I love your thinking

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dont pamper me... u know how we start flying in the air when someone says we are great::) i know i am flawed and so is my thinking... but thanx for the compliment if it was genuine!

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It was nothing less. You've certainly got yer head screwed on the right way- maybe you don't know it. I dunno.

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So, what does a husband do for you?

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i am still working on it... wat i really need and if its een fair to demand that!

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Marriage is a partnership, among other things. There should be mutual respect. And as much unconditional love as possible on both sides.

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i wish unconditional love part was true.... trust me its not... if i unconditionally love my guy i wud be happy to see him happy with anyother girl... but i cant... its the truth... so our needs and desires do come in play. and we both shud respect that.

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But by the same token he wouldn't be with another girl because he loves you. If you're not willing to share he should respect that. He should honor you above all others.

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Noone is perfect. You will either choose to obey to an imperfect man or you won't obey to any man.

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then thats my problem... i cant obey man!

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