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I met her my freshman year of college. we decided communication was key, so we promised each other we would do anything to help the other hide nothing. later, she agreed to marry me although it would probably be a long way off. She told me she would stay by my side forever. Nearing the end of the year, I started having cycles of deep depression mixed with many other emotions. She stayed by me and cared for me though. She loved me so much. but all this stress was getting to her.. I had later found out that I had bipolar disorder. She wanted to live through it with me, but she started to change. She started getting angry, and went into these states of irrational thinking, self-doubt, and depression. Once in awhile she would come out of it and be her old self, asking me to help her stay with me. I've been holding onto that promise for over a year now. She stopped sharing her thoughts with me. but today I thought she finally came back! telling me everything! I was wrong. What should I do?
irdumb irdumb 18-21, M 5 Answers May 21, 2012

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thank you.
I found this place cause I really needed to ask someone about this.
Today I had all the emotion i had left driven out of me.

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Move on. I'm bipolar also. It is hard for others to tolerate our mood swings. They try to get along and make us happy but they can't. It is chemical and doesn't have to do with them. Until they educate themselves about the disorder they won't understand. Get stable on your medication. Sometimes it takes a few years. It gets better.

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I'm fine with my bipolar, except for some educational stumbles.
I've been able to get a grip on my bipolar since after my freshman year episodes. It's just left my.. it's just left her scarred. I feel like it's my fault. I should have pushed her away.. or something.. before it was too late..

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I don't really get what your question is.

You want her to be happy. She undoubtedly wants you to be happy.



If you've make a decision to be together, then that means through the good times and the bad.



If things get rough, you do what you have to in order to ride it out together. There's no doubt that your condition will affect her if you're down for extended periods of time.



The best thing you can do for the both of you is to lean on your support network of friends and family when either of you are struggling.

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we made that decision and I will stand by it as long as that's what will make her happy. I'm just not sure what she really wants anymore though. When she's in those states, she keeps telling me things like "I don't want to be with you anymore", "what if i lied to you from the beginning?", and "I never loved you". She's really convincing sometimes, like today. I'm just confused and don't know what to do.

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Well, if it were me, I would have to talk it out with her until we knew where we were both standing. If she is only saying these things in moments of extreme irritation, then you wait until you're both calm and discuss it then. Personally, I don't care what "state" your loved one is in... there's no excuse for saying hurtful things like that unless they mean it. You teach people how to treat you.

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I've tried for over a year to have a logical talk to try and find out what's been happening. but every time I brought up anything deeper than "how was your day today", she would break down. What confuses me the most is that every so often she comes out like she has been trapped in her mind. she comes out and pleads with me to help her stay with me.
I don't know what's happening to her. I just want her to be happy.

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She would "break down"? Dude, it sounds like she needs professional help. Have you talked to her about talking to her doctor?

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a couple days ago when she started talking to me again, we decided to go see a psychologist. Today though, she kinda lost it again. I'm hoping we'll be together long enough for me to bring her to one.

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by the way, thank you for all your thoughtful answers. you and everyone else here are really helping me get my head straight after tonight's built up hope and let down.

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That's okay. I lived with my best friend when she developed depression :( She got help and I helped her move interstate to be near her family again. I also hit rock bottom (we worked under a psychopath... she had the sense to leave sooner) but I had a partner help me through. Keep in mind that therapy takes time, and that there's no shortcut... she's going to have to go through it to get to the other side.

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is she bipolar, or is she responding to your cycles? are you on meds? meds are not a magic cure-all for everyone, but for some people it makes a world of difference. you should both be getting professional help if you are not. good luck!

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I don't know if she is or not. when she started talking to me again a couple days ago, we decided to go to a psychologist together. I just hope we'll be together long enough so that I can take her. She won't go by herself. I used to take meds, but they made me a zombie. I am dealing fine with my bipolar. I take the pain as a learning experience.
I'm just worried about her.
I just want her to be happy.
thanks you for taking the time to answer my question

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sounds like a good plan! you might want to describe your side-effects and see if there's a different med. i know i sound overly pro-med, but i have a friend who was functional on them and without them she's not. and because people have different metabolisms, different ones work for different people. see if you or the therapist can find out what changed around the time she started feeling differently. hang in there!

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thank you.
I guess i'll keep holding onto that promise. hopefully the psychologist can help us out.
I've been doing fine with the emotions of bipolar ever since my "happy depression" realization.
I do still have some educational problems as a side effect of bipolar though. I'm open to try meds as long as the psychologist is open to listening to me. Heck if they can help her, I'll take all the meds they want to give me.

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