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veronica4ever veronica4ever 26-30, F 13 Answers Nov 17, 2010

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Changing their focus of attention doesn't work with a narcissist. I grew up in a house with one, she's in her 70's and still no change. They don't see what others see in their behavior, it's a mental disorder and they need therapy. Problem is they won't admit to being a narcissist and rarely get help.

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According to narcissistic literature, yes, if he/she accepts his/her diagnosis and wants to change. Such a diagnosis should not be given by a family member, due to their narcissistic thinking, the family member will be considered wrong. He/she must hear this from a doctor. Now getting him/her to the doctor for such is challenging. Pray!<br />
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I would like to add: My sister's husband is a narcissist. She found an excellent counselor (older and wiser btw) and has learned techniques in how to handle her husband. They no longer have marital problems, due to her behavior changes. Hmmm.

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so he hasn't changed?

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Only if they accept that they are narcissistic, and try to change, both of which which narcissists are rarely wont to do.

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I've been married to a narcissist for 35 years and have finally admitted that he will never change, because he doesn't believe there is anything wrong with him. I have finally decided to leave the relationship, and I am in the process of doing this. It is incredibly difficult and painful after so much time together, but I believe I have no choice. Would love to hear from anyone who has ended a long-term relationship with a N.

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i admire your courage. i am working on getting a divorce myself but not with a partner. with my mother. i refer to it as a divorce because i am ending our relationship as daughter and mother. possibly my family will side with her but i don't care. i can't do it anymore. we don't deserve to be anybody's emotional punching bag. i'm sure God didn't create us to be another human being's punching bag. you are doing the right thing akexpat. it's hard to move from our comfort zone and into the unknown even when our "home" is filled with abuse but it's worth it. best wishes to you. inbox me if you ever want to talk.

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I was in a relationship with a women I NOW know is a narcaccist. She came into my life like a worldwind, I thought I had hit the jackpot. It was amazing in fact "too good to be true" because it was. She kept up her act for the first 3 months then lowered her veil. i am still spinning from the change, she switched from being caring understanding and attentive to distant, rude, cruel and abusive. The crititsm first, then control and dictatorship which in her words "I needed to be trained".When I obliged all was well but when I disagreed or did not "do as I was told" she would go into one of her rages........nasty and scary experiance.<br />
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She never apologised and was always right, it was always a no win situation with her I was too sensitive or just blantenly wrong and had no understanding. I stopped feeding her ego and withdrew my affection and time until she got tired or "drained" as she put it. I challenged her behaviour and this exhausted her because I refused to be controlled or used. She ended the relationship a month ago with an assortment or reasons and excuses with her the victim of course. That was fine because I know the truth I know that she ended things because she could see what was coming. She knew that I had woken up from my dreamy love state and could see her for what and who she is. I also know now that she has a history of romantising, using then dumping others. She is in ler late 40s and has no change to change ever. The love she professed for me was fake, narcaccists are fake in a world of their own. Best advise leave well alone, get out and have no contact. She has been in touch, she called to see how I am doing hoping to hear how crushed I am but I didn't give her the satisfaction. NO a narcaccist cannot change and even if therapy can help they bel;ieve they are above the wisdom and expertise of those who may be able to help.

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thank God you woke up early on. my male cousin has recently woken up after being married for ten years to a narc. she did horrible things to him, abused him emotionally, cheated on him, humiliated him infront of his friends and fam. years later he became fed up and is divorcing her. my mother is also a narc. she is in her early 50s and so far seems to be getting worse with age. i plan to go no contact. it's good that you didn't tell her anything bad. narcs love to hear that you are doing bad. that gives them narcissistic supply. my mother has always told me that without her i will be a homeless person in the street. she has been telling me this since i was 15 years old. narcs always want to believe that you can't make it without them. best of luck to you

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My husband does not have NPD(narcissistic personality disorder) however, our counseler says he has traits and characteristics of one. Our counseler said it is possible for him to change. What I have had to do at home is when I catch him doing something narcissistic I tell him immediatly that he cannot do that behavior again and I set a boundry ie: he likes to talk down about others to make himself look superior so when he talks bad about somebody I tell him, I dont like that please never do it again. I dont go any further than that or it will engage an argument. He cant handle critisizm either, or empathize with me for anything I am going through so I have to stay in counseling as well for emotional support. My husband will never be my best friend and it hurts when I see all my friends with amazing husbands but we have a child and I cant walk away until ive tried to make it work as long as I can. We have a strong faith in God and Im praying God will deliver him form this label he is marked with.

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when you say "this label that he is marked with" i feel your implying he is almost a victim. narcissist from what i've read are very well aware between right and wrong. if you weren't implying that i'm sorry:) dismiss what i just said. as for the way you are handleling things that's great! you are not being an enabler and that's excellent. another thing i read was a narcissist can't exist without enablers, so you are really helping him out. about the criticism, i know what you mean, narcissistic rage is the worst, it truely is emotionally draining. i have a narcissistic mother and i can honestly say it's not fun being raised by a narcissist. narcissist do not make good parents on the contrary they make bad parents so if you are staying because you think you are doing your child a favor, think again. you can do research on the consequences of being raised by a narcissistic parent. you deserve to be happy, i hope one day you think so too. best wishes xoxo God bless

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No. I just found out my boyfriend was narcissistic. I was reading something on the computer and came across the word narcissistic and it explained the meaning of it so, I really started looking into it. It explains him all the way. Its so sad that someone can be this way that has 5 children :( ( all by different women) All children should come first but not his "its all about him" But he says nothings wrong with him. lol

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A confimed narcissist will probably NOT change. There is no drug to treat narcissism...and getting a narc to commit to long-term treatment (lifetime treatment is actually required) is highly unlikely. What must change is the behavior of the people who are in the narc's "orbit" and who are the narc's unfortunate victims. Willing victims are the narc's blood supply. Informed victims who know what they're dealing with have two choices: (1) Get out and STAY out of the narc's orbit. Or, (2) Lay down strict, unbendable rules of behavior the narc must adhere to, or else. (Example: "If you commit another act of manipulation against, or lie about or to another member of our family, you are excluded from any future family events. If you show up anyway, law enforcement will be summoned to remove you from the premises." ) Then stick to it. <br />
If you "starve the vampire," he or she will eventually alter their behavior toward you ...and probably seek happier hunting grounds elsewhere.

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No,the narcissist is very special,the whole world should change because the whole world revolves around them...

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Sure. Just change their mirror for them,..like if they find someone special in their lives, or have children - someone to take all the attention off themselves

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Yes, but as others have pointed out, it is unlikely as generally from their own perspective there is nothing wrong with them, so why should they change?

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Not likely

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I really don't know. I just know it would be very hard to live with.

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