sounds heartbreaking. I value my marriage and love my husband.
I believe 100% in the power of healing and the power to transform your life in every way possible. I don't care where you've been, what you've done, or who you are. I believe that you are a beautiful work of art that is continually being created and shaped into a perfect specimen.
You would benefit from long-term counseling after all you have been through. You deserve to get through this and be supported.
Glad you are in therapy. Does he go with you? And you know that you can only change yourself, not him, right? Easier said than done.
Broken people attract each other. By that metric your affair has a 100% chance of failing.