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I've been married for 6 years to a basically a good dependable man but because of his lack of interest in sex, letting himself go and the laziest person I've ever known, I lost complete desire for him. I tried talking to him and even though he's body is in front of me, he's mind is in outer space. He never respond to anything I say. He just says he doesn't know. Not sure why he married me, I'm guessing purely for my looks and my big heart. I married him because of his calm personality which attracted me tremendously due to coming out of violent relationship when I met him. For last 4 years, we had sex maybe 5 times a year. I'm starting to belive that he has asperger disease. All my life I had an opposite problem where men would get too attached. I keep my self in pretty good shape and I do get hit on all the time. It's getting harder and harder to not stray. I don't want to end the marriage because we have a 4 year old but I'm not sure if this is how most of marriages are after so many years. I'm 44 and only thing keeps me going is my kids and I'm afraid after they are gone, I will be completely alone. There's an Asian saying that "cripple husband is better than none" and my caucasian friends say "better to be lonely when you are alone than lonely in a marriage." Not sure what is wiser or do I just need an attitude makeover.
passionless passionless 41-45, F 35 Answers May 28, 2009

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It can survive, but I cannot guarantee you will like your life if it does.

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Men AND women require love and respect and passion. Without these things you do not have a relationship of any sort. Why would anyone want to perpetuate this misery for themselves or their partner? Please, decide now to end it.

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Sure and they're some of the oldest, most bitter people I know.

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Yes, but it will be damn miserable. I'm sorry you've even had to ask this question. *hug*

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Straight up NO. What is the point? For two people to have no passion no chemistry and no respect it would be a waste of time. It will lead to very damaging consequences eg an affair. Both parties need to feel these emotions.

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I feel that I'm in an uncommon situation, because I'm a GUY who meets all of those criteria that the woman usually is in... meaning I'M the one who married a passion-less, lazy, not-very-bright,not physically active, not interested in her appearance, stubborn woman. Usually it's the other way around, as I understand it. I actually did a research paper for grad school rating the strength and predictable success of relationships ba<x>sed on whether or not both people enjoy spending leisure time together in mutually-enjoyable actvities. The research strongly correlated the one with the other (though direction of causality was hard to establish!). So, I basically knew better than getting together with this person, especially since our first counselor said he did not detect any passion between us. I was going for "safe" and "stable", since I had been told by other women that I needed to settle down & quit being such a casanova. I THOUGHT I was doing the right thing, or the 'noble' thing... but pairing up with someone who thinks, feels, and acts in complete OPPOSITE ways as I do was a VERY bad move. Looking back on my diary pages from 2, 3, 4 years into the marriage (we're at the 12 year mark now), I see no change in her nor in the way I feel about her. And she is NOT open to changing herself to make the relationship better. And the pastor supports her, makng it even LESS likely that she'd ever change or consider doing things to please me just a little. You can make a bad relationship into a good one - if both people are willing to work on it (meaning CHANGE some things about their self - that's what working on a relationship means, but my spouse definitely does not get that!!!!). I actually filed for divorce, but then the trap door flew open, and she announced that she has cancer. To leave then would have looked real bad to our son, and to the rest of the world that knows us. BOTTOM LINE: DO NOT GET PAIRED UP WITH SOMEONE WITH WHOM YOU DO NOT HAVE SHARED PASSION - NOT ONLY FOR EACH OTHER, BUT ALSO FOR SOME THINGS OR CAUSES OR HOBBIES WHICH YOU SHARE A COMMON LOVE FOR.

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No, it can not survive.....not and be healthy.....

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No it can't. I don't see the reason to have yourself stranded in a dying marriage. If you are unhappy your children will pick up on this and it will affect them. I think it would be better for them to have their parents separated but happy then together but distant and miserable. You need to really think, is this what you want for the next 5, 10, 15 years? Maybe speak with your husban and give him a chance to see just how much this is affecting you. I would say give yourself a time limit (a year or something) and if there is no change and you are still unhappy then end the relationship.<br />
This is just my opinion though. I myself am in a sexless marriage after nearly 8 years together and would like to leave, but I still haven't managed to take that final step yet.

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Mine hasn't.<br />
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I am still living in the same house with him whilst we both get to grips with the situation.He has told me he doesn't love me or respect me, and there is certainly no passion or chemistry left after that......and yes it led me to stray, I was so hungry for love!<br />
Like you I am suspecting my H of Asperger's, which is interesting.

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Passion is so huge!! I even stayed with a man who cheated on me merly because the passion was so deap. U can always work for it to come back but frankly I dont know if its worth fighting for if it wasnt there to start..

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hi its hard im the same wife not interrested fo r a few years. dont want to end my marriage but now going to look after myslf by looking for someone who wants to meet up im a good looking guy late 40s and genuine though that does not sound right but i think there being selfish

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From what I've seen, men who have sex about once a year are usually in the closet.

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I have a simular problem my wife and l are both turning 54 this year.<br />
I have had a fair amount of health problems since i was in my late 20's<br />
which has never been a problem in our marriage.<br />
But the passion is gone if l am lucky we can lay down cuddle no expectations maybe 1-2 times every 2-3 months.<br />
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My wife goes to work comes home maybe 20 min to talk then she makes eats super then watches tv for 4-5 hours then goes to bed weekends not any better.<br />
I am lonely, sad, need passion been 10-12 years since much of anything has happened.<br />
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I asked if she had another man in her life she no but in back of my mind l wonder.<br />
I understand your feeling lonely, rejected ignored her and my son every night watch same old tv shows odd time l get 20 min with her before bedtime hope life inproves for you

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Without passion and chemisty maybe, without respect no!

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When relationships call for passion, chemistry, respect, love, honesty, and openness, what do marriage call for? What is the real purpose behind marriage?<br />
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If you're in a marriage without those things you listed - the passion, chemistry, and respect - and you are happy within it, maybe that's what it takes for it to survive. To be happy and/or comfortable within it whatever kind of marriage it is.<br />
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I think if you are really unhappy with it, I'd say that marriage won't survive.

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the respect is important

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Very doubtful. You could probably get by without passion and chemistry (not sure why you would want to), but respect is a must. You owe yourself that much.<br />
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Take ten minutes and read "I Have One Question" available at http://tinyurl.com/ohk5oa<br />
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It describes a conversation that were you to have it with your partner would identify for you opportunities to kindle respect. When respect exists between two people, you'd be surprised how quickly passion and chemistry can follow.<br />
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Read the book...have the conversation...and see if there's a basis for respect between the two of you.

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You need to be straight up with him and tell him exactly how you are feeling...just lay it out there. If you already have and you think the marriage is worth it then you should maybe consider counseling. You married each other for a reason because you both loved each other. One person has to be the flame under the butt and wake him up...and that person is you.

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not with out respect.not if u want to be mentaly healthy

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Write a list of his good points and another of his bad points and evaluate if the marriage is worth keeping....there is always a solution to every relationship problem....<br />
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Example: If sex is the only problem and there is no solution to that within the relationship but he is wroth keeping the marriage together for...then you may discuss getting sex outside of your marriage with his approval...much better and happier than divorce...not to mention cheaper...could satisfy both parties and maintain satisfaction with both parties happy...

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