How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!' :D
Comedy is harder than tragedy. Nobody walks up to a drama writer and says, "Now make me cry."
Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a super models conference in Paris, when the captain of the plane announces: "We have just lost power to the engines and are going to make an emergency crash landing - assume the brace position immediately!" <br />
Immediately the three models start preparing for the worst. Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts fixing her face.<br />
Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask: "What in the hell are you doing fixing your make-up when we are about to freaking crash!" <br />
Claudia responds: I know for a fact the rescue workers will search for, and save first, the ones who have the best looking faces- which is why I am putting on my make-up." <br />
Cindy Crawford rips open her blouse to expose two beautiful mounds of flesh which inexplicably defy the law of gravity. Totally confused, Naomi and Claudia shout: "Cindy, have you lost your senses? Why are you baring your breasts for everyone to see when we are about to die!" Cindy responds: "I have it on good authority in plane crashes, the rescue workers look to save first the women with big beautiful breasts- which is why I am exposing my ****!" <br />
Not hesitating, Naomi Campbell pulls down her skirt and panties to expose her "love triangle." Freaking out, Claudia and Cindy yell: "Naomi - Are you crazy?? Why are you exposing your crotch for everyone to see??" Calmly, Naomi responds: "******* PLEASE! I know for a fact the first thing the rescue workers look for in plane crashes is a black box!!"
One day, Chipmunkernie and his friends were walking across the road, to a science lab for spontaneous human combustion nerds. Chipmunkernie went in and he saw a hoarder of SHC victim pictures and his name was Jacky Turd. Jacky Turd started insulting the wick effect (a theory that suggests the fat person sets itself on fire, like a fatty candle) and Chipmunkernie got so p*ssed off, that he ripped a big one and gased out the science lab, gassing out Jacky Turd. Jacky Turd then insulted Chipmunkernie because he has a big @ss and no one likes a big @ss, come on! "You are fucin pathetic, go shagg your wife...oh wait, you don't have one!" Chipmunkernie laughed and then kicked Jacky Turd in the balls, which then ripped a hole in his trousers and he wasn't wearing underwear, so out-popped his 1-inch wonder, sticking through the hole. So Chipmunkernie cut it off. The end.