She had the option to choose to leave you and instead she chose to hurt you. Cheating shows she does not care, has no moral values in the area of love, no respect, self-respect, consideration and broke your trust which will be next to impossible to repair by itself. So you tell me?
I agree she had the choice... But with everything you have said I also feel you do not know the whole story behind why she may have done this. Its not the best choice to make. But maybe she had her reasons.... in a relationship there is always two sides to every story. *always*
I am not taking up for her I am just saying we don't know the whole story here, only what the male part has laid out for us.
She may love him so dearly but there could be something missing that doesn't make their relationship whole. Again I am not saying it is right what she did. But it isn't always the "end" just because this happened.
True anyone would be hurt to know that the other was cheated on. To feel like the fool in the relationship is never the best place to be in. But this is a time they can work on what may be lacking in this relationship and they do have a chance to build it again if they choose to. And it can even become a stronger relationship if they let it grow after the trust is reestablished. The couples I would never advise to work on it are the ones that can never find forgiveness in themself for someone. That could cause a relationship to become very violent.
Deception contain broken trust. A trust that I stated as unrepairable. Mainly due to the fact that, in order for that person to prove they wouldn't do something, they would have to show it to the other when the situation arises. And that can't happen if they're cheating (should be self-explanatory). Ultimately, they'll have this trust just hanging there, never knowing when to give it. That itself is enough to drive a relationship into a torture house. I am answering what is stated though and so my answer is based off that as I do not know more. A common sense factor, really, but either way, if someone cheated in the relationship, its pretty much done for unless you're an emotional masochist. Without trust, the relationship will just fall apart or transform into something that stresses the other out daily. Doesn't sound like anyone would want a part in that. I'm not making stuff up. I'm only saying what I've witnessed, personally, throughout my life. I never said they should do anything. I just left the choice up to them.
Trust me I know where you are coming from. My husband and I have friends that went thru this. The man could not trust his wife and it ate at him he refused to even feel he could ever trust her again. In turn it became very violent. Later in our lives another set of friends went thru this and they found they could get past it all. They have the best marriage ever, because they found a way to repair it. So you cannot tell me something like this is un repairable. Because I know it is. Their whole marriage is really the best relationship I have seen between two people and they have been together 26 yrs. If you want it to work out you will find a way and you will find that forgiveness. I see you are about 22-25 yrs old. And you may feel that the only way to settle it is to move on and get out. just like you see in so many relationships and marriages today. But when something's are worth it, especially a marriage to someone you love its worth working on it. And believe me marriage is work.... Relationships are work after you get past all the tingly tangly fairytale feelings.
Just from reading this I can see and understand that at this point in your life or maybe all your life you yourself would have a hard time finding that forgiveness and it would be best for you to let that woman go if something ever happened to you like this.
I have had 3 relationships in my life time. One of which involved a cheating girlfriend. The majority of the time, the one who cheats didn't care at that moment. It is possible to repair it but only if you are full and willing to drop it completely. Many do not know how to do this. I am going off of the example of the world making the best answer I can based off of my experiences and observations. Cheating though.....its a choice. And a heavy one at that. You cannot say "they didn't know better". They knew exactly what they were doing the moment it happened. I understand how much work a relationship is and I just don't treat it lightly. I may be in that age range but that's close enough to half of my expected lifespan to not spend years working on something that is so fragile due to the other one's ignorance of being in a relationship. They made a choice, they live with it. When I make a standard for myself, I stick to it. Simple as that. I don't make exceptions. You may see it as cold and unforgiving. But honestly, it's not. It's self-respect.
Oh I've seen the ones that don't care and do what they want because they honesty just don't care.
I know as well from the experience in my lifetime that it can work. But if your not willing to work at getting past the pain its not worth it. It is better to say your goodbyes. I am just saying we don't know the whole story behind what has happened to this relationship. So to tell someone that it could not ever be worked out really is false. It can be worked out based on what I have seen and personally know from my own experience in life. I never stated that people who cheat don't know what they are doing... I believe they know exactly what they are doing when doing it. But there are reasons for why they do what they do, and again as I said its wrong but there is something that pushed them to do it in the first place. Whether it be something that was broken in their relationship .whatever it is , it can be worked out. Unless you just don't have that will to see that it could be because of something you he or she did to push that person or just that that person no longer cares. A lot of people don't like to really hear why, because it could be more damaging to that person to find out they need to change. (if that's the case) That's like insult to injury really and after all who wants that taste of that reality? But sometimes that's what it takes. I will also say their are people out there that just cheat and they could care less if your get hurt feelings about it or not. Those are the people that are the real losers in life. And yes your age does have everything to do with it. As you get older things change in your life. You may not see it now but you will view and feel things differently as you get older. You may still keep some basics but you will find that when you look back at the young you, You will say WOW I would have never said or thought that then. I am 43 and I am amazed at not only how I have changed but also how my husband has changed. I just wanted you to know I wasn't picking on you for being or making you sound like you were stupid. Because I'm not. Everything you feel and do is very valid to you in your life now but when you get older You may be surprised. And you can ask anyone that is 10 or more years older than you and they will say the same thing.
I understand what you are saying. I was a bit hasty in calling it unrepairable. I was speaking from my own perspective on how I live my life that I should have stated as my own, I'm sorry. I just don't believe in it, personally. But to each their own.
I know how life changes though as well as how people change. I've spent enough years alert enough to tell. It is both a curse and a gift as you may know how a lot of people my age are. I accept people for their choices. If a girlfriend of mine chose to be with another person, then so be it, it obviously wasn't right. It would have to be something severe to "make" them do it though. But thank you for calling me out on my hastiness. I know I've a lot to learn, but I'm gonna learn it all. Knowledge is my drug, lol.
I feel we have agreed to disagree on many things and I find that a good conversation. :)
I am not saying she cheated on you because of you or anything you did to her ( I do not know your story )
But in a lot of cases this happens. My girlfriend that got married way to young back when she was 16 cheated on her husband (basically because she was to young) But also claimed he completely stopped paying any attention to her. She was looking for attention ( almost all her life because she had no father) and was determined to find it. Well anyhow many years later, her now ex husband admitted he stopped giving her any attention because he didn't want anything to do with her. But her being in the situation didn't know how to deal with her feelings partly because she was to young to really know how to deal with them and or really know how to talk to her husband. But being young you will make mistakes (granted this being a big one) and you never want to hear that you could have been the reason someone that should love you would ever do this to you. Even though they were young I learned that a relationship is a two way street and the line of communication has to be left open at all times. Not only to just keep the other one from cheating but to also hear each other and make their feelings and thoughts valid. Knowledge is a good addiction to have if your going to have one! lol Good luck in your future relationships and Happy New Year :)
A good conversation indeed. Children will be children though. My focus was on adults doing this. Thank you for this detailed perspective though. Good luck to you too and have a good 1st day of the year!
Oh goodness... I really think my point was what I learned something from their mistakes. And how knowlegde no matter how you gather it as long as it is true it really is a good drug! :)
Yes, but I can so rarely be bothered to continue speaking to the one or two who had. Especially when their comes the excuses. If a cheating partner is unhappy with you, unable to see you alone satisfying their needs in a relationship they can always end the relationship and at the very least inform you as to why they had. Before they go off humping another leg, can't they have the decency to at least let go of mine?
i don't know. it's maybe hurt but i found a fact that love is always forgiving. crazy, right.
but you can leave her anyway. that's your option.
Some can some cant. But if you see that you cannot just let her go because your lives will be miserable together and its not worth it.
If you choose to stay with her she has to learn that the trust has to be rebuilt and she has to be patient with you. And you have to really work on rebuilding that trust as well. And you have to also find it in you to forgive and understand why she did it, or it may happen again.
i dont think so sadly :( but you know if it was you would you want another chance? do you think you'd deserve one?
yes, but not forget
Only after I have stuck my big sharpie in her pooper and a few other girls...