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In a recent discussion with a young person, they told me they believed they could love someone they didn't trust. I told them I thought that would be next to impossible because when I love, I open up, I share all of myself (whether that be with family, friends, etc.). I don't think I could go through life with someone I had to be suspicious of. That young person told me they believe 'lack of trust' and suspicion to be two completely different things and that they think if you can trust someone you don't love, it only stands to reason you can love without trusting. What do you think?
rollingwithhusky rollingwithhusky 46-50, F 17 Answers Oct 3, 2010

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The love must be established first. You can then learn that you can't trust them. It is painful situation to be in, believe me.

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I have always thought the opposite to be true.... that I found it hard to open up, allow myself to be vulnerable in loving someone without first feeling I could trust them. <br /><br />This is very interesting, learning how others approach this topic. Thanks for sharing with me.

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I think you can fall in love then lose trust, therefore love someone you can no longer trust.

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I guess it's a personal thing, each person believing differently... I'm not sure I could love someone who hadn't even earned my trust. <br /><br />Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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Yes. I know I can.<br />
I love my mother, but there are ways in which I don't trust her. I can't tell her many things because she doesn't respect privacy. But I love her. <br />
I can't trust my son with certain things. He is autistic, and in his case that means he doesn't understand certain things. There is very little I could "trust" him with.<br />
I love a man that is a narcissist. Can I trust him? No way. I can't be with him or really have him as part of my life either. But I love him. I love the parts of him that are dear to me. It has little to do with trust.<br />
The idea of being able to open up and trust someone in that way is different, in my mind. There are people that I can open up to or trust that I don't necessarily love. In the same way, there are people that are not trustworthy, but that I love. Being able to open up to someone, in my opinion, is more about how that person loves me more than about how I love him. The ones that I can trust and can really be myself with would be the ones who love me. Incidentally, I would probably love or come to love them because of that. But that isn't a requirement for me to love.

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I admire this about you Vessa. <br /><br />I came to the realization some time ago that I no longer 'loved' my mother, my abuser, the person who abandoned me, who told lies about me and threatened my son. How could I? I became "indifferent". In retrospect, I probably feared her more than loved her, even as a child. <br /><br />I feel a sense of responsibility for my estranged younger sister, but I'm not sure that after all the hurting, all the lies she's told in the community about my family, the way she's repeatedly danced in and out of my life, taken advantage and then abused us, if it's possible for me to feel 'love' for her at this point. <br /><br />Trust is so important to me, having had that violated so many times by people who were supposed to love me.

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it's impossible...my boyfriend told me last night he loved me but didn't trust me. we now won't even have sex. furthermore, he told someone else i'm a habitual liar and he believes nothing that comes out of my mouth. crazy thing is I have never lied to him. last night I tried to OD on pills and when I woke up this morning I lost it...when you have someone who say they love u but don't trust you it means that they will soon cheat and then leave you.

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i think i love my bf who i dont trust and im suspicious of i say i think i love him because i need to feel that maybe things will change or maybe im wrong i always believe because i cant imagine someone just lying to my face but inside me tells me that i have something to fear but i wonder why cant i let go its like my heart wants everything that he promised but my mind just doesnt believe yet its hard to let go

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For me they both go hand in hand. When one is gone the other will follow.

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I think eventually anger & frustration would rule out & the loving feelings would be tarnished for good.

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Yes, I agree. Thanks for sharing

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My husband had done things that betrayed my trust, causing me to lose it in him. I am currently still in love with him, and he is working to rebuild it. ba<x>sed on my own experience, I would say you could love someone you could not trust. However, it is important to get "beyond" the trust issue because it could eventually cause the relationship to break down with suspicious thoughts. If the trust does not return, the love will eventually whither and die.

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They are two very different things.<br />
Love is an ephemeral feeling, largely indefinable.<br />
Trust is ba<x>sed on observed behaviour and is a solid definable fact.<br />
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A manipulative person will sometimes trot out the "If you loved me you would trust me" line, which is bullshit. They are two very different things, yet inter related. If you lose trust in someone you love, then the love will progressively wither and die.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

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I agree bazzar... "If you lose trust in someone you love, then the love will progressively wither and die." This is what I have found to be true for me. <br /><br />"Tread your own path." Very sound advice... just trying to understand what this person had shared with me. <br /><br />Thanks for your input.

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You can have feelings for them, but it all depends upon what you consider love. If you lose your trust for someone you love, then at least part of your love goes with the disillusionment.

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I agree RRK1. Part of the love does go with the disillusionment. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. Much appreciated.

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i'd say yes... i love my bf but i cant trust him in terms of fidelity aspect.....

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I guess my question would be, if he hasn't earned your trust, or has violated your trust, how is he worthy of your love?<br /><br />This is all very interesting.

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yes... I fully love my kids, but I don't always trust them.

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Seems to me loving our children is a bit different than loving another adult, not necessarily related to us. <br /><br />Thanks for sharing... :)

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Trust can be lost, love for someone is hard to get rid of. took me three months and many bottles of liqour a couple dozen packs of cigarettes, and drugs... This was just to be kind of okay with losing the person I loved.

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Sorry to hear of your pain. I don't think we can necessarily turn on and off our feelings like a fawcet, of course, it would take a long time to accept the loss of a loving relationship.<br /><br />Thanks for sharing.

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I couldn't, I have to be able to trust them.

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Abbeyrhode,<br />I'm with you... I just feel if someone hasn't earned our trust, then they aren't worthy of our love... when you love someone, to my thinking, you open up and are vulnerable, giving of yourself, shouldn't you be able to trust they person you're allowing 'in'?? <br /><br />I can see this is a very subjective topic, a lot depends on how someone defines love, trust, etc. Thanks!!

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