Can you TRULY have a good relationship after an affair?

Asked By: Cerxx 41-45, F 1 year ago

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10 Answers to "Can you TRULY have a good relationship after an affair?"

Posted by Pondskater1 Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:47PM

I dont know....I'm married and have had two flings but we were having a trial separation at the time and he never found out. The flings made me see that the marriage was worth fighting for and I went to marriage guidance with him....I was prepared to tell the truth-(IF asked)....but saw no point in bringing it up for the sake of it. The marriage guidance counsellor didnt ask and as I know that my husband was involved with his ex during the separation I dont feel too bad. For years he had probably looked back with rose tinted glasses and he now knows it...and I had thought the grass was greener too...it wasnt. I HOPE we can have a truly good relationship, although it is a secret that niggles at me and I'm too scared to tell him in case I lose him.

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Reply by Cheltsy Apr 19th, 2012 at 6:01PM

Dealing with the same thing at the moment...except I'm not married yet...we were in a 5 year relationship as far as he and I are concerned I'm single now (he is too of course) Ive been having a fling with someone new and he knows..I had no intention on letting it be known unless asked and he asked so now he knows...I don't know what our future holds but how I feel it is what it is...after 5 years and a child we get into a fight and he says he's NEVER going to marry me after being promised it for so long ...eh
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Reply by SweetJuju Apr 19th, 2012 at 6:48PM

I like your answer! I have thought about this situation many times. I think you are right not to tell your husband about your flings. I know people often want to be honest and get it off their chest, but I don't think anything good can come of telling, the other person is going to be hurt. If I were you I would focus on loving my husband and making the relationship really good.
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Posted by Anonymous67 Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:39PM

Well I'm not married.. But I cheated on my boyfriend in the earlier staged of our relationship with an ex once and he found out and forgave me which I was so grateful for, and to this day (2years later) he's never once brought it up or held it against me or treated me any less than he did before he found out, it's like it never happend and I love him so much for forgiving me like that.. Id never cheat on him ever again. Doing that is one of the biggest regrets I've ever had

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Reply by Cerxx Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:43PM

Wow! That's a great forgiving guy, shows woman make mistakes too. It's beautiful that you realize how hard it is to forgive and he did You guys will last along time like this
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Reply by ProfDavros Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:46PM

Sometimes you can only understand how important loyalty is by being disloyal. Forgiveness is truly a blessing.
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Posted by Beatresca Apr 19th, 2012 at 6:01PM

A Charamatic Prayer meeting

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Posted by ProfDavros Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:51PM

I did, but in the new relationship. It was hard to do as I was rebuilding my life in a new direction from scratch.

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Reply by Cerxx Apr 19th, 2012 at 6:52PM


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Posted by Abbeyrhode Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:35PM

No, trust is destroyed, and there is no relationship without trust.

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Reply by Cerxx Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:39PM

So true
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Reply by ProfDavros Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:46PM

But trust can be rebuilt with compassion and understanding.
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Posted by nomoresounds Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:34PM

sure, just dont bring ure affair in.

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Reply by Cerxx Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:39PM

Silly ! Enuff problems with one person to deal with !
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Posted by madasalizard Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:34PM

Nah!

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Posted by SweetJuju Apr 19th, 2012 at 6:51PM

I think you can. I know that goes against convention wisdom, but sometimes people realize what they really want after an indiscretion. I do think that if someone has an affair and the other person doesn't know they shouldn't tell. Telling is only going to hurt the other person.

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Reply by Cerxx Apr 20th, 2012 at 8:48AM

I like your thubking
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Posted by expo67 Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:46PM

Oh, don't be greedy now!

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Posted by emotionalsoul Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:39PM

I don't think trust could ever be fully restored so no I dont think its possible to have a truly good relationship after..all depends on the person though thats just my opinion..the two could have a truly good open marriage after that.. lol

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Reply by Cerxx Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:41PM

I agree
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Reply by ProfDavros Apr 19th, 2012 at 5:49PM

If you read books abt infidelity, they contain many stories where one partner uses the affair as a wake up call and the other partner is able to see it as that and work on fixing the problems together that lead to the affair.
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