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passionkillsnpassionfills passionkillsnpassionfills 18-21, F 28 Answers Feb 20, 2013 in Dating & Relationships

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Chances are you'll never notice it until you're deep in the relationship.<br />
BUT:<br />
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1. Pay attention to how he treats animals, kids, and ESPECIALLY other women. If he's rude and angry to the Waiter or waitress for messing up his dinner do you think he'll be any more forgiving if you do it?<br />
2. Check his hands, people with anger problems tend to punch things in private, leaving lacerations, abrasions, and bruises on the knuckles and fingers.<br />
3. Does he seem to be following a routine, almost as if he's done this exact date before? Then he may be starting to "groom" you for abuse, Abusers always follow a set pattern and tend to stick to it like glue.<br />
4. Is he sexually aggressive towards you? Does he touch your body, face, try to kiss you "too early" in the night, get angry when you shun his sexual advances? Did he get pissed if you didn't sleep with him on the first date? This is another sign he may have anger issues which could lead towards abuse.<br />
5. Is he a widower, divorced, only child, have kids, what does he like to do to relax? If he's reluctant to open up about his life it could be he's hiding something really bad, few abusive men refuse an opportunity to rag on an ex.<br />
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6. Attempts to control your dress or behavior, varys in subtlety, ie, "Would you mind putting your hair up/down, I like my girls better that way.", "Maybe you should skip dessert, hint hint.", "You smoke? That's disgusting, good girls don't smoke.", "Would you mind parking the car while I get us a table babe?", "You look awful in red, next date try blue."

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LISTEN TO THIS PERSON! This is excellent.

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Yes, ask him about his ex! lol If he doesnt act weird and tells you whatever you want to know...continue seeing him

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Good point. How he talks about his ex is how he's going to talk about you.

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Abusive ....no. They are very very careful. However perhaps you can detect signs of a dominant personality

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No. Not on the first date. Over the first couple dates (5, for example), you might notice a tendency to control, but generally speaking the abusers save the ugly stuff for when you get comfortable in the relationship.

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doubt it. but if he drinks too much on the first date, that could mean a lot of things.

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I think it may take a bit longer to realize that, maybe if he seems too controlling or angers easily but these are just signs, doesn't mean he is. I think we need more info, did something happen to make you think this?

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Not maybe on the first date remember a lot of abusers are doctor Jeckel and Mr. Hyde...........he can be so sweet and romantic and then turn to the monster once you do see sign of any physical, emotional, or over controlling then get out before he has you trapped.

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I don't think you can tell if he's abusive, but you can get little signs on his true personality by watching his reactions. For example if you did something strange or annoying, an abusive or tempered guy might react differently than a nice guy.

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a bruised eye!

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No its really hard, some guys can hide their nature on the first date very easily

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in my case, in retrospect, he was much much too nice and attentive to be believable.

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.....A man pays attention, is obviously interested in you, and treats you well, and your response is to say, "I'd rather have someone who ignores me and treats me like dirt?" No wonder a lot of men treat women like ****.

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the word "too" says it all. Small word, but it contains much meaning. The implication that he turned out to be a real danger was there too.

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huh i never said the word too!

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Expand on your answer?

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nobody said you did, it was my word, to imply that he was O.T.T.

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not here, too involved.

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3 More Responses

Yes there are<br />
body language signs give it away all the time

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What body language signs are those?

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no my hubby was the nicest guy ever x

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Too often they keep the violent side completely hidden until you marry them. Many men are experts at that

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Yes. If you are a misandrist feminist "victim," then a man will always be "abusive." You aren't safe for him to be anywhere near.

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Aw...Poor baby...What's the matter do the girls not like how you think they're beneath you?

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No, I would not date you either. Leave at the curb. There are so many good women that a man does not have to put up with crap feminist *******.

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How many times do I have to tell you, i don't care how how you think I am. I AM A LESBIAN DUMMY.

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See how he treats a waitron, or his mom. Sure sign.

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Good question

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One trick is to go to a restaurant and see how he treats the waiter/waitress

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Punch him in the face, don't hold back... see what happens.

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what I believe is … friends first for the first year. If the person can be friends and show their personality, then you get to see how they treat others, and therefore, how they will treat you in time. Then you can make a sound choice

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