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I was at a friend's house and her two sons (3 and 5) were running around the house and they into each other, bumping their heads. Both started crying, and her husband ran to the youngest and asked "What happened?" and he replied, "He hurt me". To my shock he pulled his 3 year old to where his 5 year old was and instructed the 3 year old to hit his brother. I was blown away and got up and stood between the two boys and told the father he was wrong and that I couldn't watch him do that. I spoke to my friend today and decided to bring up the incident and to my surprise she said that they are tired of the boys fighting. That they are always hitting each other and instead of them (the parents) hitting their children, they let the one who was hit get free shots on the one hitting. I AM SHOCKED that she was in on this "disciplinary" tactic. I don't have children yet, so maybe I am way in left field on this... is this acceptable parenting or is it teaching the wrong lesson??
lost12345 lost12345 22-25, F 18 Answers Aug 20 in Parenting & Family

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HELL NO it is sooooooooooo wrong! It is also lazy on their part. What they need to do is figure out the under lying cause of why the boys are fighting.

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First think it's wrong to decide on ones they hurt each other both or neither should be punished...

Second I think that even qualifies as emotional abuse their teaching their children to be violent... But I'd have to ask my dad there...

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I do not believe this is good parenting, but then lets not forget that few of us receive training and instruction on proper parenting. Even if we did, every few years the "experts" change their minds on what is good and what is not good parenting.

My personal approach would probably be to aggressor give one of his most prized possessions to the victim for some period of time long enough to make hi or herself stop and think before doing it again.

When my kids got older (about seven or eight) I had a diabolical punishment that they hated so much they would say or do almost anything to avoid it. They had to stand with their toes and their nose against a wall for five minutes without speaking or moving. You would have thought I was beating them with chains as much as they screamed and cried when they got "Nose and Toes."

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Absolutely NOT ok!!

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Sounds tough to say. When I was a kid, I was taught that if someone hits you, you can defend yourself. There have only been a few occasions that I deliberately hit a kid back. However, I was not one to go out seeking fights. The parents here should probably learn to discipline the ones who hit in the first place. It seems like by encouraging the one who was hit to hit back...........they're just trying to show them that it is unpleasant to be hit in hopes that they'll stop.

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I agree - I think that is what their hopes are.. and I am almost certain that they think that this is the best way to teach the lesson. My hope is to change their mindset by sharing with her, other people's random thoughts on the situation.

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That is so wrong

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Two wrongs don't make a right. I had for kids, all fairly close together, so my house was like the monkey house sometimes. In this situation, I would have had the boys apologize to each other, then go spend some time in their rooms to think about it for a little while. I would go to each boy's room, and ask them if they understood why they were being punished, if they answered correctly, they were allowed out of the room. If not, we would talk about what happened until understanding was reached. I was always the parent who would go for the non-violent punishments first. If they pushed me to the point where I say to myself 'This has got to stop right now!' and i would begin grabbing children, swatting them on their butts a time or two, and sent them to their rooms to cry it out. THAT ALWAYS WORKED. So, spankings didn't happen often at all. I would hear one of the boys whispering to a sibling in the dark 'We can't do that! Mom will spank us!'

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Best answer :)

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Thank you. :)

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This is just plain bad parenting but people who have no clue how to raise children.

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So wrong at so many levels. Good for you for stepping in.

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its bad parenting. free shots mindset is why there's so many violence among youths today.

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Wrong wrong wrong!!!!!

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Tell me... I am curious as to how you would deal with these 2 children if they were yours? The same 2 with same behavior?

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Well I wouldn't have told them that if you are hit, you have free range to hit back. Because they bumped into one another - it was obviously an accident and I wouldn't "deal" with them, but console them and help them feel better. As for hitting and fighting, if I were the parent I would take the child who is hitting or instigating a fight and give them a spanking WITH a time out. That behaviour would definitely be dealt with by me... I would never EVER choose revenge as a choice of discipline.

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A parent cannot spank their child in the United States. Child protective services will be over there and taking both of those children away. "Time out" is about to be chalked up as a no no soon. A parent can't even send their child to their room for a period of time as it is considered imprisonment. These boys are brothers. They will get into knock down drag out's. LOL. They will develop a bond that nothing can come between.

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Child Protective Services intervene when the "spanking" is borderline beating. I have friends who spank their children... and they are very polite and well behaved children for the most part. I know that physically punishing your kids is not politically correct... but I would still spank my children. I was spanked by my parents, they were spanked by theirs... and I can't see myself worry about child protective services over a spanking or two... that's just me though.

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See, this is where it gets to the complicated part. A parent may spank their child, but if it is emotionally damaging that parent can be charged with child abuse. Here is a good link for state by state laws. http://kidjacked.com/legal/spanking_law.asp

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This is horrible and should be reported to child services asap.

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I wouldn't go as far as child services.. maybe just speak to the parents again -- and show my friend the data that I am collecting with this questionnaire. It may just get her to reconsider her parenting tactics when it comes to discipline :)

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Deplorable parenting tactics...and still think needs to be addressed by child services...what I wonder is what goes on behind closed doors?

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They are not bad people. They are human beings... and human beings make mistakes. Parents make mistakes... doesn't mean they are bad parents, just that they made a bad choice in discipline. Geez... I am guessing you aren't someone who believes in second chances.

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