Did I do something wrong? I told a co worker (who I have known for years) that I have a sister with mental health issues
She took ages to come and see me in work despite me telling her and although she was supportive at the time, I feel she has now avoided me. I told her that I felt very alone and she thought it was bad I didn't have any support. Yet we have both been in work for a month and she hasn't bothered coming to speak to me (despite it being easy to do so). Instead I have to listen to her laughing and messing around with other colleagues. Clearly she doesn't care and she doesn't want to know how I am. Should I apologize for telling her? I feel so hurt over this. I have known her for years and her kids adore me. She herself has said that I am her friend and yet she does things that suggest the opposite. I have been left feeling like a total a**hole and extremely embarrassed and hurt by her. How can I deal with this?
13 Answers to "Did I do something wrong? I told a co worker (who I have known for years) that I have a sister with mental health issues"
Posted by Plaid Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:39PM
It's this co-worker's problem, not yours. It could be ignorance and/or fear; a lot of people don't know what to say or do around mental health issues. And they don't know what questions to ask, or how to ask them.
You have no reason to apologize. She's the one blowing this all out of proportion. My best advice would be to keep acting normal around her, treating her exactly like you do your other co-workers. Hopefully in time she'll relax enough to at least speak to you.
Wishing you all the best in a tough situation.
Like (4)
Reply by Jenni855 Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:43PM
Like (1)
Reply by BiForce Oct 5th, 2012 at 5:30PM
Like (1)
Posted by TheReikoku Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:20PM
Unfortunately, there are people in the world who are very ignorant about this kind of stuff. She's probably the type of person who thinks that if your sister has a mental illness, you must have something going on too. I get this all the time. My grandmother was shizophrenic and when I tell people this they assume I have some sort of mental illness too. If this is the case with her, then just stop talking to her. I personally would just stop talking to her anyway because she doesn't sound like a good friend anyway and you deserve someone who will listen to your problems and support you.
Like (4)
Reply by Jenni855 Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:33PM
Like (1)
Reply by TheReikoku Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:39PM
Like (1)
Posted by lagatta Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:23PM
I agree with welshbabe. I wouldn't apologize. Just ignore her and move on with your life. She's not a real friend.
Like (3)
Reply by Jenni855 Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:33PM
Like (1)
Reply by lagatta Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:47PM
Like (1)
Posted by Methen Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:17PM
You may have stir up some bad memory s related to a issue that has nothing to do with you and when she sees you she is reminded of those issues hence the reason why she avoids you...
Like (3)
Reply by Jenni855 Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:32PM
Like (1)
Reply by welshbabe Jul 4th, 2012 at 3:18PM
Like (1)
Posted by WideOpen74 Jul 4th, 2012 at 3:05PM
Oh, honey.. you have come to the RIGHT person for this! I confided in a co-worker I thought was a friend as well over a very similar issue. I felt as you do - they seemed to ignore me & not care, not wish to speak to me anymore.
Try speaking to her First some time as it could be you projecting your feelings onto her. You could try apologizing for over sharing - it could be she suddenly feels you've overstepped the bounds of your relationship, even if from what you say of her Initial reaction, it doesn't sound like that is the problem. Sadly, she could just have been being polite.
I don't mean to be negative with that last suggestion. But I'm sorry.. I won't lie & sugar coat for you either, even here online, not knowing you. I assume people who post questions like this want Real, Serious & True answers. So I am giving you mine, hon.
If you truly feel she has thrown your friendship aside for sharing this very painful information with her, please move on & know that there are plenty of people out there who Do care & who would be okay with you sharing something so very difficult & personal an issue as this with them!
I wish you the very best of luck, hon, for I know how hard this situation can be.
Like (2)
Reply by Jenni855 Jul 4th, 2012 at 3:08PM
Like (1)
Reply by WideOpen74 Jul 4th, 2012 at 3:26PM
Like (1)
Posted by chefboo Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:40PM
No, you don't need to apologize for telling the truth. I know it hurts, but time to find new friends. I have fellow classmates while during our study group (to answer a question for a test) said the answer to the question is "get another phlebotomist to be with you. Those psychiatric patients are unpredictable"
I was offended but kept my mouth shut because it was discrimanatory.
you can be social and friends at work, but remeber, bottom line, it's still a work environment so keep personal stuff like that, personal.
Like (2)
Posted by welshbabe Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:17PM
I read your question. Personally if that was me! "No" i wouldn't apologise for telling her at all. Her problem i feel. Not yours. I wouldn't go asking her for forgiveness! "NO"!!! way! You'll just have to get on with living your life and try ignoring her. Sorry this sounds so grim,. I'm writing on how i would feel.
It will be interesting to see what other good EPeeps would say and do.
Like (2)
Reply by Jenni855 Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:32PM
Like (1)
Reply by welshbabe Jul 4th, 2012 at 3:07PM
Like (1)
Posted by deltadon Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:17PM
it's not you.........it's her...........a lot of people can't deal with that kind of truth......i live it.......& i understand.......i apologize for her & the many others that will come
Like (2)
Reply by Jenni855 Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:31PM
Like (1)
Reply by deltadon Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:32PM
Like (1)
Posted by startinover1 Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:17PM
As far as I'm concerned - you've done nothin' wrong.
Like (2)
Reply by Jenni855 Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:31PM
Like (1)
Posted by lederman Dec 26th, 2012 at 8:42PM
maybe she felt you were talking about your problems too much, i have a sister with schizophrenia but i dont tell coworkers about it, its none of their business, she probably thought you could have it, one of the reasons why i dont tell people about my sister is because they start assuming i have problems too
Like (1)
Reply by Jenni855 Dec 27th, 2012 at 4:22AM
Like (1)
Posted by Callalilly Jul 5th, 2012 at 2:58PM
There are many supposed educated people who do not understand mental issues. They do not understand that none of us are free of a "mental problem of some sort". In her ignorance she has lost a friend. Do not try and force yourself upon her. Just chalk it up to the fact that she is living with misinformation. But, you cannot teach her. She will only know the truth when she or someone in her family has a "mental" issue. Count her as gone. It may hurt much, but I have had the same thing happen to me. You will get over it. She is the loser in this deal. Forget her.
Like (1)
Reply by Jenni855 Jul 5th, 2012 at 3:27PM
Like (1)
Posted by OnewithJC Jul 4th, 2012 at 3:36PM
I don't understand why you feel like you did something wrong? As things are, I think it would be a tragedy for you to conclude such a thing. I understand why you have assessed the situation as such, since you saw/noticed a 'change' in her behavior toward you AFTER you confided this very sensitive information with her. BUT think about it, could there not be another situation of which has nothing to do with what you're thinking? What if you are reading things wrong? Why wouldn't you make an effort to make sure you have not misread the situation and ask her if there is anything going on?
I just don't see any reason why someone would have a change of heart toward you because you have a sister with mental issues. I am curious about what made you tell her anyways?
And IF you do ask her, please let us know. It would be interesting to know why this information would affect your friendship.
Blessings to you all. <3
Like (1)
Reply by Jenni855 Jul 4th, 2012 at 3:39PM
Like (1)
Reply by Jenni855 Jul 4th, 2012 at 3:40PM
Like (1)
Posted by Redcan Jul 4th, 2012 at 2:48PM
Well first off she knows you don't have a sister. She thinks your admission is a little strange. Possibly, she believes you are making this all up. Even if it was all true, it is not important enough to warrant a comment. Just walk up to her and say, let's have an ice cream for lunch. Bet she would be buds in an instant.
Like (1)
Reply by Jenni855 Jul 4th, 2012 at 3:00PM
Like (1)