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She took ages to come and see me in work despite me telling her and although she was supportive at the time, I feel she has now avoided me. I told her that I felt very alone and she thought it was bad I didn't have any support. Yet we have both been in work for a month and she hasn't bothered coming to speak to me (despite it being easy to do so). Instead I have to listen to her laughing and messing around with other colleagues. Clearly she doesn't care and she doesn't want to know how I am. Should I apologize for telling her? I feel so hurt over this. I have known her for years and her kids adore me. She herself has said that I am her friend and yet she does things that suggest the opposite. I have been left feeling like a total a**hole and extremely embarrassed and hurt by her. How can I deal with this?
Jenni855 Jenni855 26-30, F 14 Answers Jul 4, 2012

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It's this co-worker's problem, not yours. It could be ignorance and/or fear; a lot of people don't know what to say or do around mental health issues. And they don't know what questions to ask, or how to ask them.<br />
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You have no reason to apologize. She's the one blowing this all out of proportion. My best advice would be to keep acting normal around her, treating her exactly like you do your other co-workers. Hopefully in time she'll relax enough to at least speak to you.<br />
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Wishing you all the best in a tough situation.

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Thats how I feel. She is blowing it out of proportion. All she has to say to me is "how are you?" I am not expecting her to have all the answers. I just feel really hurt by her. I have always been there for her in tough times and yet the one time I need her, she can't be bothered.

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I agree with welshbabe. I wouldn't apologize. Just ignore her and move on with your life. She's not a real friend.

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Hard when you work with someone though. I want her to know she has hurt me also.

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Why bother letting her know that she hurt you? Stop giving her your time, energy and heart. She's always hurting you and I don't think she acts like the type of friend that you are looking for. Just my opinion but I guess you have to do what you think is best for you. :)

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I absolutely agree with you! lagatta! :D Great advice my darling friend :D :D

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You may have stir up some bad memory s related to a issue that has nothing to do with you and when she sees you she is reminded of those issues hence the reason why she avoids you...

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Perhaps...You would have thought that she would have seen how hurtful it is to be ignored/avoided though.

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Ignored, i think that was a bit harsh! i should have used "avoided"! sorry to be so! callas! But nah! not worth worrying over. "Is she you"!?? "NO"!! exactly!

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it's not you.........it's her...........a lot of people can't deal with that kind of truth......i live it.......& i understand.......i apologize for her & the many others that will come

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Maybe but I can tell you, it's a million times harder supporting someone who is mentally ill. She has it good.

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i understand ;-)

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No, you don't need to apologize for telling the truth. I know it hurts, but time to find new friends. I have fellow classmates while during our study group (to answer a question for a test) said the answer to the question is "get another phlebotomist to be with you. Those psychiatric patients are unpredictable"<br />
I was offended but kept my mouth shut because it was discrimanatory.<br />
you can be social and friends at work, but remeber, bottom line, it's still a work environment so keep personal stuff like that, personal.

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I read your question. Personally if that was me! "No" i wouldn't apologise for telling her at all. Her problem i feel. Not yours. I wouldn't go asking her for forgiveness! "NO"!!! way! You'll just have to get on with living your life and try ignoring her. Sorry this sounds so grim,. I'm writing on how i would feel. <br />
It will be interesting to see what other good EPeeps would say and do.

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I hope you dont think I was disregarding your advice last night Welshbabe. I really wasn't. xx
This hurts so much.x

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No! my babes! No problem darling! No harm done. You know that gorgeous don't you!? :D :D

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I wanted you to know that I was not disregarding your advice yesterday. It would upset me a reat deal if I upset you. xxx

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You didn't say ignore, sorry. You said I should ignore her...but I do feel she is avoiding AND ignoring me so no, not harsh of you at all.x

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As far as I'm concerned - you've done nothin' wrong.

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Well I would like to think so but now I am doubting myself.

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U hav answered ur own question. Her behaviour tells u the answr. She is the **hole. Not u. She seem to be all about herself. A sponger. User. Taker and not interested in being drawn into others drama. Dont feel bad. Just be dismissive professional and move on. Create some personal boundaries

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maybe she felt you were talking about your problems too much, i have a sister with schizophrenia but i dont tell coworkers about it, its none of their business, she probably thought you could have it, one of the reasons why i dont tell people about my sister is because they start assuming i have problems too

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I definitely didn't talk about it too much. I think you are right in that she probably thinks I have something or I am lying about my sister and its actually me with the problem. I still feel so let down and embarrassed by all of this.

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There are many supposed educated people who do not understand mental issues. They do not understand that none of us are free of a "mental problem of some sort". In her ignorance she has lost a friend. Do not try and force yourself upon her. Just chalk it up to the fact that she is living with misinformation. But, you cannot teach her. She will only know the truth when she or someone in her family has a "mental" issue. Count her as gone. It may hurt much, but I have had the same thing happen to me. You will get over it. She is the loser in this deal. Forget her.

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And her kids have lost someone who means a lot to them and who has been in their life for four years. Wasn't ever just about her but she can't see past herself and never could.

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Well first off she knows you don't have a sister. She thinks your admission is a little strange. Possibly, she believes you are making this all up. Even if it was all true, it is not important enough to warrant a comment. Just walk up to her and say, let's have an ice cream for lunch. Bet she would be buds in an instant.

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OK....makes no sense whatsoever.

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