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It's just that some brainwash them with positive messages while others load them full of fear, self-loathing, and guilt.
Transluminal2010 Transluminal2010 41-45, M 7 Answers Jun 15 in Parenting & Family

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I recognize the second kind.

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Yeah, me too.

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I'm full of fear, and I never take any risks. I've feel damaged at 24. I even just pushed away someone I loved-again

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I'm so sorry. That's exactly how I was and still am to a large degree. Afraid and with no self-worth.

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I'm still hopeful to fix it. I can see the fault, i just have to get the courage to push to stop it

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You are young. You still have time to correct the damage that was done to you. I hope you can find the courage to live your life.

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Me too. It hurts every time someone talk to me, I only give one word answers and I can get so attached to people and when they leave, it hurts

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Wow! That is all just so familiar. I fall for women who don't love me because I feel unworthy of love. I find it difficult to stand up for myself. You need to find a way to believe in yourself and love yourself no matter what your family may have told you.

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Yeah, I figured this out a while ago when I realized my inability to say "No" to people thanks to my dad

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Sorry. Hope you're able to overcome it.

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In a way. If I don't trust the person, then you can't get me to say yes. But if I trust them, then you can't get me to say no.

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Yep. Then once they figure it out they start to use it against you.

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My boyfriend already figured it out, though he's never used it against me. My other friends don't talk to me enough to use it against me.

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You're lucky so far. I've only ever met manipulative people who, once they realize I have a hard time saying "No" dump all their work on me and try to make me feel guilty for not doing it.

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I'm sorry that happens to you. Usually if you **** me off I'll tell you off and probably never talk to or look at you again. So that never happens. Plus people find me intimidating anyway

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In that case, every thing that enters our minds.. be it from school, parents, friends its all brainwashing.

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Yes. We are taught only what the schools think we should know, that is what the government says we should be told. Just because what we are told may be true doesn't change the fact that it is only one point of view and we are all basically force-fed this throughout the most formative years of our life. Those who can learn and parrot back this information are rewarded, while those who actually question the establishment and refuse to conform are called lazy or stupid.

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Everything one is told should be questioned and mulled over before being either accepted, rejected or tabled for further reflection.

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Yes, but as children we are not taught that. We are taught to do as we are told, to learn what the teachers are teaching. And not all parents encourage independent thought in their children. So many accept things at face value and never learn to question. In fact, they eventually identify so strongly with what they are taught that the slightest question about its accuracy causes them to react in very strong, negative ways. Which explains much of what we see in the realms of religion and politics.

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Children don't have the tools at a very young age to think critically. A parent who brainwashes a child with the right survival tools until they're ready is doing a good job.

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Do they? I think society does that for them. I rarely hear about parents filling their child's head with nonsense.

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You didn't know my mother. She was the second kind of parent.

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Give me examples.

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She was disabled and I was the youngest. So when the others left home when I was 9, she started telling me that none of them loved me. She told me that I couldn't trust anyone and that no one would ever understand me or love me like she did. She also used religion to instill fear in me to tell me that if I did or said or even thought anything wrong then I would go to hell. She also loved to tell me that the world would be ending soon and that I probably wouldn't even live long enough to grow up so I shouldn't worry about trying to make friends or go on dates but should just focus on being good (i.e. doing exactly what she said) so that I would go to Heaven when the world ended. She basically warped my entire view of life so that I would never leave her and would give up my life to take care of her. Unfortunately, it worked and it's only 4 years after she finally died that I'm even beginning to understand the depth of the damage she caused me.

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Okay, see this is different! This has nothing to do with the way other parents raise their children. You mother was clearly suffering from depression and obviously not fit to be a parent (no offense).

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No offense taken. I agree she should not have been allowed to raise me. But she is not the only parent who does this. There are other parents who raise their children in an atmosphere of fear and anger. Just because you may have had a good family with wonderful parents doesn't mean the other side doesn't exist.

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How do you know what my home life is like. Sure, it was noting compared to yours but my home life isn't "good" at all. I said it was pretty rare for parents in their right mind to go this.

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Yes, but unfortunately not ever parent is in their right mind. There are many people who should not have kids who do. Many mentally ill or just plain selfish people have kids and abuse them like this. I'm sorry your life is not good. I don't know, that is why I said you "may" have a good family. Anyway, it is just my opinion. You don't have to agree with me.

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Yes, you are right. Not every parent is in their right mind. I think something needs to be done about that. I'm just saying, I think it is rare for parents to try and manipulate children like you mom did with you.

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Agreed.

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