Resolved Question

Do I have to like my boyfriends parents?

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He has a son and I have dealt with it positively. However, his mom continues to be difficult. She makes me feel like I dont belong in this relationship. We go over to her house, and all she does is talk about the child's mom, knowing me and her do not get along. I know that my boyfriends son comes first, but we've been together for 2 years now and I still feel like shes not taking me seriously. I resent her for the things she has said to me like, "dont have sex because I only wanted 1 grand child", and I have come to terms with not allowing her to be apart of my life or my relationship. I want to marry my boyfriend one day, but I have a feeling there will always be problems. Can I have a good relationship even though I dont like his mom?
Posted 7 months ago
Share |
   Flag
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
You do not have to like anybody that you don't want to. You especially don't have to like a person that doesn't treat you with the respect that you deserve. Is your boyfriend aware of what is going on and if so, does he know how you feel about the situation? If he is not willing to stand up for you, there is work on your relationship needed. You should address the situation, however, with his mother. You're an adult and so is she (although she sounds like she has some growing up to do). Let her know how uncomfortable she makes you feel and why. Advise her that you're not asking her to like you, but you're asking her for some common courtesy and to refrain from making further comments. Be clear that you want the relationship to work and feel you have something to offer both your boyfriend and the child. If she refuses to change, then ultimately it's up to you whether or not you can tolerate the verbal/emotional abuse enough to be with your partner.
Posted 7 months ago

Other 10 Answers to Do I have to like my boyfriends parents?


Posted Jul 3rd, 2009 at 3:53PM
No, you don't have to like them, but you do need to be civil and courteous to them. MIL's feel threatened by the perceived usurping of their power over their sons. Learn to pity her insecurity (privately) and get over the stupid things she says. After all, you get to go home with him -- and she doesn't!
Rated: +2Vote for this!  
Posted Jul 3rd, 2009 at 2:55PM
well part of having a good relationship is getting along with your mates parents. You shouln't ingore it or just deal with it you should tell her how you feel in a very firm way and if you havent already tell your mate before you tell her. If talking to her and telling her how you feel doesnt work then you should say "ok i understand that you do not approve of me dating your son but i love him and i belive he loves me so im staying with him and wether you like it or not and we will start a family so you can be a part of it without your disrespectful and rude comments or you can not. thats what i would do hope it works =]
Rated: +1Vote for this!  
Posted Jul 3rd, 2009 at 11:22PM
No, and my suggestion is to kill her with kindness. Make her feel that you are attentive to her wishes and agree with what she says, but you don't have to. Secondly tell your lame as boyfriend to step up and control his mother. If he likes/love you he has to have the balls to straighten out his mother.
Rated: +1Vote for this!  
Posted Jul 3rd, 2009 at 2:58PM
You should politely tell her how you feel, but if she still acts like an idiot just be the better person and be overly nice to her. It will make you look like a better person.
Rated: +1Vote for this!  
Posted Jul 3rd, 2009 at 3:02PM
You have a difficult situation. If a stove is hot and burns your hand, you pull your hand away and don't touch it again. It is different is someone hurts your feelings. Sometimes you go back for more and get hurt over and over, hoping for a different outcome. You probably need to have a heart to heart discussion with your boyfriend and find out why he allows his mother to talk to you that way. Don't let him tell you that he can't help what his mother says. If he cannot have a discussion with his mother now, he probably never will, and things will only escalate into more hurt. Maybe his mother feels that the child would be better off with his biological parents back together. I wish I could tell you that you may eventually win his mother over, but it sounds like her mind is already made up, no matter what you do, she thinks you're the reason her son isn't going back to her grandson's mother. You can choose to keep putting up with this, or you can choose to move on to people who will appreciate and respect you. Tough choice, but you're the only one who can make it. Best of luck to you, I wish you the best.
Rated: +1Vote for this!  
Posted Jul 3rd, 2009 at 3:06PM
No, you don't have to necessarily like anyone. However, you Do have a right to be who they are, REGARDLESS OF YOUR OPINION OF THEM! You maty not agree with the views and opnions of your boyfriend's parents --- or of another person, for that matter--- but that does NOT give you the right to be rude to them, in any case! Treat others the way you would like them to treat you and, in most cases, you will find that they will do the same!


NE ELSE FOR TAHT MATTER--- BUT TAHT DOES not GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BE rude TO THEM!
Rated: +1Vote for this!  
Posted Jul 4th, 2009 at 3:24PM
You'll have a helluva life if you stayin that relationship. Does your BF has a spine? Why doesn't he tell his Mom to back off?

Personally, I think you're nuts for getting involved with a guy with a kid. At your age, there are so many other fish in the sea. Why are buying yourself a barrel of trouble? Do you thrive on drama and crisis?
Rated: +1Vote for this!  
Posted Jul 3rd, 2009 at 6:13PM
My boyfriend's mother hated me. I got back at her though. I married him.
Rated: +1Vote for this!  
Posted Jul 4th, 2009 at 12:35AM
If you are considering pursuing a serious relationship with your boyfriend, then you have to, at the very least, show respect for your would-be-in-law no matter how she has been behaving and what she has been telling you. I think you should expect this behavior somehow from her because you are a threat to her son's and grandson's love and attention. Don't think of it as a personal attack to you, am sure she would do the same to any other girl who's in your place now. Maybe it's a way to test what kind of stuff you are made of. You can never go wrong with being civil with her. It would also be better if you can let your boyfriend know what's going on and how you are feeling about it so he can provide support to you whenever you find yourself in a similar situation again. I think this behavior will stop only after you have earned her trust. Prove to her that you are not out to dethrone her and that you will be good for her son. Best of luck to you. :)
Rated: +1Vote for this!  
Posted Jul 4th, 2009 at 1:14PM
I disagree with ladybug... I think you are better off standing up for yourself and demanding respect as his girlfriend. Don't be rude about it, but simply confront her alone and politely state "John (whatever) and I have been dating for 2 years and he and 'his Son's name" have become very important to me as I know they are important to you. I'm not asking you to forget about or stop caring for the mother of your grandson, but I am asking you to respect that your son has divorced her and is now sharing his life with me. That means we need to show some respect for one another as adults and I would like to request that you refrain from comparing her to me especially in front of 'John' and his son. As to your son and I's private life quite honestly that is really none of your business just as my asking about your husband and your sex life would be none of mine.'
I think you might be surprised by the result. Either she will turn 'nasty' on you and at that point you tell "John" about it and mention that you won't feel comfortable being around her while she is acting so childishly about your relationship with him, or she may just gain some real respect for you and begin to treat you as his son's choice in a relationship. Either way... if you do this you know you took the 'adult' position about it and can hold your head up that you stood up for yourself... Just my two cents of course.
Rated: +1Vote for this!  
   1-10 of 10 Answers   
Questions and Answers powered by Ask Experience Project. Get answers to questions from the world's largest collection of life experiences, and the people who have had them. A huge, friendly, and fast wiki of answered questions! This page is for providing answers to the question, Do I Have To Like My Boyfriends Parents?
Answers to questions like Do I have to like my boyfriends parents? are provided for entertainment purposes only. You should never use answers to questions provided here to replace professional advice, such as from a doctor or lawyer.
Anonymous & Free
to join millions in the world's largest community of life experiences
Explore first-person stories about any experience, including your own! Connect anonymously with people who understand.
↓ ADVERTISEMENT ↓

Got Questions? We've Got Answers!
Ask Your Questions to members
who have been there and done that!
Share Your Knowledge
Learn Something New

Go Ask Experience Now!

Be YOURSELF

Be a part of the biggest social experience on the web. Where who you are is more important than who you know. Share what matters the most and find others who just "get it."

Join now and get started in seconds, or learn more about Experience Project

↓ ADVERTISEMENT ↓
What's Special About Today?

Today is Read in the Bathtub Day!
This is a day for much needed rest and relaxation, so step into a warm bath and bring along your favorite book.
Some related groups:
I Enjoy Charles Dickens, I Like to Read

See Full Calendar of Events

Of course, we love to hear Your Story, whatever it happens to be. You can be yourself here!

↓ ADVERTISEMENT ↓