thank you very much. Some very good viewpoints I had not been aware off previously
TheManeAttraction TheManeAttraction 36-40, M 14 Answers Feb 10, 2011

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Open relationships work very well so long as the partners are (1.) open-minded, (2.) not the jealous sorts and (3.) capable of being friends as well as lovers. I know this from personal experience. Of course, different people handle things in different ways, and open relationships are not for everyone.

Here is some information that may help someone considering an open relationship to make a good choice. There are several things that must be done differently if one is in an open relationship:

Firstly, one must NOT confuse open relationships for sleeping around. Being open doesn't mean a person can run around with whoever whenever. Generally, people involved in open relationships are still faithful to one another-- it is simply that they are faithful to a group rather than a single individual. Lovers in an open relationship receive consideration, dedication, love and respect just the same as they would in a closed relationship. The conditions are just different.

Secondly, one must be completely candid about the relationship from the beginning. (The first time any guy asks me out, or moves beyond casual flirtation with me, I explain the situation. He has a right to know, and it keeps things from getting messy.)

Thirdly, one must have ground rules. (Well, let's be honest, all relationships need those. They are more important in open relationships, however, as they organize how the more complicated relationship is handled and help to keep lovers in line.)

Fourthly, one must be FRIENDS with a new person, even if only for a couple weeks, before becoming romantically involved. (Again, this is a good idea in any relationship, but it is imperative in an open relationship because one must determine if the new interest's personality is compatible not only with one's self, but also with one's other lovers.)

Lastly, and most importantly, one must be mature about things! If one cannot handle sharing, is prone to fighting rather than discussing, or is not willing to sometimes put others’ feeling or needs before one’s own, then one is not ready for an open relationship! (For example, I have had to find a compromise when two lovers both wanted to take me out on the same night, and I have found it in my heart to be happy for a lover when he finds monogamous love with another woman. Maturity in such situations is important.)

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It takes people with a strong sense of their own self-worth and no need to feel they own someone else's body. Also, a lot of it is based on societal expectations. It fails more often than it works in our society.

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My new wife and I are old dudes and have had a few good but not great marriages/relationships. She came into this relationship knowing I was in love with a woman in an abusive relationship. I still communicate with that woman, as does my wife, and still love her ... as I do my wife. We are open and honest with each other about all our important thoughts. She has recently told me she would like to sleep with this younger man if she gets the opportunity. We talk about it with love and respect for each other. We give the other veto power over outside romps in the hay, but we don't draw lines in the sand. She has gone there once, it was a little struggle for me, but I was also happy to see her feel desired.

We are figuring it out as we go, but I have never been this close to another woman, being completely open and honest. It feels like we have merged and become one human at times. Intense. Wonderful and sometimes painful, but very much alive.


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They don't work. There can be no true intimacy without exclusivity. People just aren't wired for it.

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It depends on the individual(s) and couples involved...sometimes they do work, other times they work for a little while and ultimately fail, but I have observed that they are doomed from the get go more often than not. I personally wouldnt do it, and I personally wouldnt recommend it.

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I think they can work, but it takes extraordinary individuals to be able to manage it. It can't be the usual thing of "Open for him, closed for her," or "It's an open relationship but we don't talk about it." This sort of thing can only survive and thrive when both parties (and the other parties as well) are able to talk openly and comfortably about what is happening.

I think Kingdan over there is quoting the social norm, so if you are thinking about an open relationship, it helps to be used to ignoring or defying social expectations.

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Different strokes for different folks. For some marriages, they work, For others, they don't.

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I one breached that subject once with my now ex hubby because I was way more sexual than him, he was good at sex but I needed a lot more. He thought because I asked for an Open marriage that I didn't love him, so I wouldn't even recommend touching that subject. If you are not getting enough sex, then you are probably a bad match for each other sexually. That happens a lot.

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I to am interested in this? I myself have no real interest in sleeping around or having an open marriage, however the other half is gunning for it to happen. During this I am constantly told it will not affect anything, our love or relationship. this is something of a struggle and has not been thought out at all- in a way it feels like my partner has reverted to a teenager (a clever one) by that I mean no frontal lobe, and a need to just live in the present.

This has come about recently and is focussed on their want to explore their bi sexaul needs- also the talk is now of how relationships ideally should work- no commitment but commitment, if that makes sense. its all about sharing- funny this because a decade ago in Uni a couple of people expressed an interest in me- but talk of sharing and exploring seemed miles away from the table then.

interesting how things change- possible mid life crisis or the fact that said person has way too much time on their hands to day dream and generally do very little. (that may be another issue)

I guess my struggle with it looks at the future and maybe in a selfish way, the person I love is not just about sex and most definatley not about ownership- more about unity-

Well I feel i can skip to the end of this film, and its not the ending I envisaged several years ago.

feel lost and hurt

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i love open marriage ..and i am searching a female for open marriage ,,,if anyone interested please msg me ..

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I feel that if two people want to be in a relationship but both have intimacy issues, this could be a viable option. I just have a hard time conceiving of two people who totally love and are attracted to each other handling this very well.

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Yes, they do work. I've had open relationships before.

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You mean like polygamy weird.... But if that works for u I don't have Any problem with

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