if it werent for those i got as a kid, i would probably be in prison now.
i don't have kids, so my opinion doesn't come from experience. all the people i know who don't spank have great kids.
It boils down to differnet levels of development really. A two or three year old can not be reasoned with like an adult. Not all have the same level of resistance to authority. Some may only understand a consequence while other may be enticed by positive reinforcement. To many the positive doesn't alwasys correct the behavior.
Teenagers certainly need a good--effective--spanking every now and then. Some adults, too.
It's a really difficult one, I believe the general inference of spanking is meant as an adequate punishment as a means of correcting bad behavior when there isn't another solution. Of course it's an act of anger by the parent or guardian involved and i think if there is no sadistic motive involved i.e people who like hitting kids to see them suffer it should be OK, but often people are frustrated and angry because of other things going on in their lives, work and social/financial pressures which the child is therefore not warranting the response from the "spank giver" (i just made that up made me laugh!) or are they hmm? anyway i guess i agree with spanking as long as it is measured and appropriate- remember you are invading someone physically because you are stronger than them and saying it's ok for authority to do this because you are wrong and I am right, So again i'd have to say i agree with it! Still i think it should be accompanied by a chat and explaination why the "spank giver" did what they did.
As long as you don't get out of control with it or leave any marks there's nothing wrong with that type of discipline if your child done something that's extremely wrong. I've gotten plenty of spankings but I turned out to be a good young man. But talk to your child first, try and reason with them. Take away their favorite toys and privileges. If that don't work spank them so they can feel it but not to seriously hurt them. Then tell them the reason why they were spanked. That's what my mother did to me.
i do..a swat on the bum or hand for deliberate disobediance makes them take a little bit more notice.<br />
no i don't think it hurts in the long run...it hurts the parent more.
nope.. No spanking<br />
What kind of lesson is that?<br />
A kid hits another kid and a parent spanks or smacks the kid and says... DONT HIT!<br />
ah.. really?<br />
spanking I feel generates anger and fear and teaches when you are frustrated or don't know how to handle a situation .. don't use your words.. instead HIT.<br />
spanking, I feel, is what someone does when they are frustrated and have reached the end of their rope.. so they hit.
How could hitting a child help them!! the madness they make us believe.
I believe it can be good for people who feel that they need it. If your son feels that you spanking him does him good, then no problem. But if you feel that he needs it, without him expressing such needs consciously. Then it's abuse. I know many kids have expressed such need. In that case, go ahead. Don't ignore them. If they haven't expressed such need, you are simply violating them. I believe in it for therapeutic reason. Not as a punishment though. I hope I helped.
If you must get spanked and it's done in a loving way it's not abuse. When I was young I was spanked sometimes on the bare bottom.<br />
But I knew why I was getting it. I hated it. I cried big times.<br />
But it was never given for no reason.
It's not really something that you "believe" in or not. It is just a tool that works for some (probably most) kids. Discipline is about shaping behavior. There are many ways to do that but one way is to make clear that there will be negative consequences for choosing to behave in inappropriate ways. This is not unlike what kids will experience as adults in regards to law-and-order or expectations at work, etc. One possible negative consequence for a child is a spanking. Like all things negative it does not leave the child with pleasant memories. It has the advantage however of being quick, clear, and effective as a negative consequence. Does it help a child? Well, like all tools it has to be used the right way and as a part of a larger discipline plan. In that context, then yes, it can help to shape a child's behavior for the good. Does it injure? Not if done correctly by a loving caregiver who is thinking about the best interests of the child. There is danger here however that a caregiver will in stead be thinking about their own anger and frustration.
I do belive in spanking butt you have to make sure not to go over bord my friend would what<br />
She said was just a little spanking and she would wet her kids butt down and smake his<br />
Butt with a bth brush intill purple and then go for another 5 minuts there's a difference between spanking and abuse
If an adult hit another adult it would be ASSAULT!!! To hit a child it's called parenting. What a crock of B.S. If grounding, taking away something a kid enjoys for a number of days. timeouts don't work talk to a counselor. They could find out if something is wrong with the kid. Learning is painful enough without inflicting physical pain. Kids need parents that pat them on the back, wipe away tears, and give them hugs. I spanked my daughter once almost 8 yrs ago. it was over her jeans and with my hand. She didn't cry. I then felt so guilty that I intentionally broke my wrist. She then cried. I asked her why she cried then and told me it hurt her more to see me hurt. She has hardly misbehaved since. I have never spanked her 11 1/2 yr old brother and never will. I take the time to talk to and listen to my kids.
I think it hurts children and is lazy parenting. I was spanked as a child by my headcase mother, who would hit me with the first thing she could find. She thought she was doing "God's will" and was saving my soul from Hell..( read a lot of Jams Dobson books). Yeah, thanks a lot you retarded b*tch. Thank God she and my dad divorced when I was young and he got full custody of me. He never laid a hand on me, and I was much better behaved than most of the children I knew who did get spanked. And if they were well behaved, it seemed only because they feared getting a spanking. Not because they actually wanted to do what was right.
Yes i do believe in spanking children but only if what they do is very dangerous and talking to them doesnt work....many years ago one of my oldest sons would deliberatly cross the road to his friends on the other side,we told him on about 10 occasions that he could get hit by a car and killed,which one day almost happened,a car missed him by inches....my wife ran out and dragged him into the house and spanked his bottom til he was red raw and crying loudly,he never did it again
It really is a question of moderation and the way each individual child responds. Two of my kids had such a strong desire to be good little girls that all I ever had to do is say that I am very dissapointed in them and they would break down in tears. Other kids, not so easy. As far as the logic that hitting the kid cannot teach them not to hit? That is as absurd as saying a cop speeding after me to give me a speeding ticket will only make me want to speed.<br />
Wrong! It teaches me that there is a limit to what I can and cannot do, and there is a consequence for breaking the rules and that I am not going to like it.
I think its sick and we can raise our children perfectly well using non-violent communication. Children should not "obey" you only because they are afraid of your violence. If you want respect, respect your kids.
here;s a scene...you have more than 1 child...your out, unloading the kids onto a side walk..you tell the older one, let's say 5yr..to stay by the car while you get the baby into a pram..he (funny how i picked a he) decides not to listen and walks out onto the road...screeching cars..your heart hits the ground...this time he;s save..you explain the dangers to him..how important it is t listen to mummy...but he;s a head strong little **** and does it again next week..and the week after..are you still just going to communicate verbally?
Absolutely, because I oppose violence in all its forms and believe it only creates more violence. I want to provide a good example for my children, to help them grow into compassionate, responsibile adults. What kind of example does it set for them if I am just going to hit them in anger any time they do something I don't like? That conveys so much judgement.
If I just resort to hitting them when I feel they aren't behaving, without telling them why or helping them understand - they are just going to get the message that "I am a bad boy/girl". It would instill FEAR in them rather than understanding. Not only that, but it would teach them that aggressive behavior is OKAY. They will learn that it is okay for the big to dominate the small, the strong to harm the weak. They may likely go on to hit other kids who disagree with them, or become adults who hit their children. How can anyone raise compassionate humans in this way?
The ultimate goal of punishment is to get people to understand not just that they did something wrong, but also what motivated them to do it and why it wasn't in their best interest. Striking our kids in anger does not teach them this. It is EASIER to punish in this way, but if we can calm down a minute and see how we can better communicate our needs to our children - everyone will benefit and violence will not be needed.
Non-violent communication involves shifting away from judgements of right, wrong, good, and bad. Instead, the goal is to communicate needs, and see how all parties needs can be met.
"We need to be able to tell children whether what they’re doing is in harmony with our needs, or in conflict with our needs, but to do it in a way that doesn’t stimulate guilt or shame on the child’s part."
So, if we use NVC in the case you proposed to me, instead of hitting we could sit our child in the car and say something like: "When you run out in traffic, it scares mommy because I have a need for everyone in our family to be safe from harm." Notice how there is no judgement in that statement. This way, not only can our children better see how their actions affect others, but we can connect with them from a place of empathy rather than anger.
Lastly. As someone who was verbally abused and spanked as a child I can tell you that not only does it not improve behavior, but harms ones self-esteem and causes kids to lash out at their parents. Raise your kids how you like, but know that understanding promotes more understanding and violence promotes only more violence.
Jeez, sorry for writing an essay lol
agreed. Respect as well as love, are two way streets. If they are only one way, you don''t deserve either.
yeah, it trains him for what you are going to do with him later. I have a bad gut feeling about it too
I don't think it does help especially if done out of anger. All punishments should be done for the sake of the child only. No anger or unnecessary show of power.
I have yet to meet a person though that believes in punishment without having a selfish reason behind it.