Why do you write as though you know whom you're talking to? You don't know me.or anyone here i trust.. so why the You?

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cuz a lot of people on EPdo have anorexia

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I love to eat, I don't care what people say about my body

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I think you choose for the most part, though it is most likely how you are dealing with an issue you are not conscious of.

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anerezia is mostly considered a psychological disorder rather than a condition. so i would imagine it is more about thinking and thought process. just because you are severly under weight does not make you anerexic, although you may look it.

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probably both.

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Eating consumes your every thought. Sometimes I get to the point of starvation where the hunger pains stop and I feel numb. Here's my story to help you understand a little more and anorexic people (it's very confusing and sad)... For me my ED was my friend. When my mother got liver cancer and my father bailed on us my ED was there for me. When my best friend moved away anorexia was always by my side. Whenever school sucked it was still always with me. When everything in my life turned upside down I turned to anorexia. I took comfort in knowing it would always always be there. I took pride in every hunger pain. I took pride it every headache and dizzy spell. it was almost as if I was staying 'pure' to my new bestie by not eating. I felt like for once I was in control. I was in complete control of not eating. Giving into temptation was like disappointing my eating disorder. So Everyday I stayed under 500 calories. Most days it would be closer to 300. I loved my ED. Every pound dropped was the only time a felt sorta happy. So I tried to capture that moment as much as I could. I worked out as much as possible. I pushed through the fainting and the puking. I took up to 30 laxative pills a day. Anything to lose another pound. Anything to lose another inch between my thighs. Anything to get a smaller waistline. But I found as the thinner I got the more anorexia took over my life. I could no longer go to a movie with a friend. I could no longer sit with my friends during lunch. I made so many excuses for not eating. I had to skip so many family dinners. I lied and wore layer after layer of clothing to try to cover it up.. And to try to keep warm. I could never keep anybody heat. It got to a point so bad I had to start sleeping in ski-pants and gloves. Anorexia consumed every aspect of my life. I was constantly thinking about when the next time I could eat was. I dreamt of all the foods I could never have. Holidays and Birthdays became my enemy... The cake and the pies... But still I loved my ED. But every once in a while... I thought about my life before this disease took over my life. It wasn't great but I was actually kinda happy before. Happiness was something I couldn't even remember at the time. During these moments is when I realized that life is supposed to be more than this. It's supposed to revolve around more than just my next snack. It has to be right? So I seemed help. I'm not 100 percent back but I am up to 950 calories :) I'm getting the help that I need. Thank you for listening to my story. I hope this sorta helps you understand my disease.

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