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s ? Does it make you lose your hope? I ve lost mine, I ve read so much around the areas of abusive relationships, friendships, I ve had a few years of councelling. Nothing seems to help, I ve given up hope. I just want to be left in peace now. I don t want to be anymore.
21again45 21again45 31-35 10 Answers Dec 7, 2013 in Parenting & Family

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Well technically I haven't but it is said that if you had this in your life before, it is most likely of a percentage that you will pick those people. Although it is possible to find the right one. Just keep on searching until you do. There's a purpose in life.

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No. You can attract good people as well. Your problem is that that is the only type of people that you allow into your life. There are good people out there for you as well.

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I don t think I ve ever had a good person in my life, I feel like I ve been abused since the day I was born. I think the only way I can recognise non abusive people is that I feel uncomfortable around them, and that they will find out my horrible secret that I am a horrible person.

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See that is your problem. You only know horrible people so that is all you allow into your life. You feel awkward around good people so you stay away from them. You just have to allow good people into your life, even if you feel uncomfortable at first. You are not horrible. You need to let other people decide that. People are more accepting than you think. I used to push people away as well because I didn't want them to find out I was gay and I couldn't even let myself believe it. Once I accepted myself and allowed others in, I found that people are more accepting than I though. You are your own worst critic, but don't live your life by what YOU think others think of you.

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I let people in, think they are good, then they start to hurt me, and I get confused maybe they are right maybe I am bad. I just don t know what way is up, any more. thank you for your kind words.

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It is okay. As I said, you just let the wrong ones in. It is because that is all you know. You are attracted to what you know and are comfortable with. Try something. Try allowing someone in who is completely different from your type. Someone who you would least expect to be in your life.

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That is where the latest bout of misery has come from. No matter how different seeming, it all seems the same in the end. You talk alot of sense, I understand what you are saying. I have tried hard, worked hard on myself, read about relations, removed abusive people from my life, stood up for myself, confronted behaviour I found unacceptable, had several years of councelling, gone back to school, got a new job, made new friends, moved etc. yet still I seem to end up in the same place I was before, it all just seems so desperately futile sometimes.

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Then try taking a break from it all for a while and just learn about yourself and who you are. I did that. I have always had friends, but I stayed single for 13 years until this year just for that reason. I didn't want to be hurt. I wanted to know who I am first.

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I am hurt and confused by friendships too. Yes alone sounds good.

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4 More Responses

Yuppers, spot on.

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never feel like that.. I don't be around people like that!!

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of course you don t because life is just that simple for you, not everyone shares your experiences or outlook, life is different for everyone.

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YOU gave the answer I pointed out your idiocy

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Yes.... :( But then I met my boyfriend and my best friend, and everything was okay again! :)

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No. I think people can tell that I'm slightly crazy. An abusive man who dared to fall asleep next to me might never wake up again...

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Is it that easy? do you think most abusive people consciously realise that they are abusive? that they sit there and think, I m going to be really abusive to the next person I meet. I don t really understand the mindset.

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Of course they realize it! If you are telling someone they are ugly, stupid and worthless (verbal abuse), how the **** can you "not know" that that's hurtful? If you punch somebody in the mouth, how can you not realize that it's abusive? And another thing. If you are a woman and you put up with this treatment more than once, I wonder about you! Run! Leave!

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emotional and verbal abuse can be much more insidious and covert than that. It would be so much easier if it was always so obvious. What would you wonder?

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If it doesn't feel right - get out. That's all I can say. Maybe people continue to be abused because they sit there and make excuses instead of just getting the hell out of there.

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Maybe nothing is ever that simple. It can be hard to realise what it is that doesn t feel right. does it not feel right because you are not used to something good? does it not feel right because it is abusive? does it not feel right because you are a little scared of intimacy so need to force yourself to stay still? but I do understand what you are saying.

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I think there is a difference between not trusting yourself, not understanding something and sitting there making excuses. It can be easy to judge when you have a bit of distance.

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It makes me feel I need higher standards.

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yes of course it does, because its that simple, its all about higher standards. Completely my fault for having such low standards obviously

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