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I mean tears usually are instantaneous (unless you're an actor or if you're holding them back) and come on their own when you're sad. But if you feel sad and expect to cry, but can't...why is that? what makes these 2 sadnesses different from each other?
BiyaBeyondBlue BiyaBeyondBlue 26-30 19 Answers Apr 25, 2011

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I never cry instantaneously. I often can't cry, and I'm fairly sure that it's because whenever I am overwhelmed by something to the point that it makes me want to cry, a defense mechanism kicks in and I go emotionally numb.



Once I'm numb, I'm certainly not crying, even if I know that it's the appropriate response.



edit: Essentially, yes. I am unable to cope properly with sadness, in most sad situations, if it directly involves me. Sometimes, a couple of tears come when I am sad for others.



The one thing that gets me crying when sadness won't is frustration. Frustration can get me to tears pretty quickly, and I have no numbing filter for those tears, but they make me angry pretty quickly, and I stop crying within the minute, usually.

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this is very interesting, i never thought about it this way
So you're saying in your case, its about the way you respond to sadness and not necessarily because the types of sadness are different? aka you respond to ALL sadness this way?

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I've had that... I think there is a some weird deep point where the brain can't even fathom the level it's fallen into and things become all distant and dead and cold instead. As if it can't mentally handle going in that far and shuts down to save your sanity. Even though the result tends to leave a form of insanity of all its own, but by then your too distant to notice much and don't care.

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a very interesting way to see it, nice answer!

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hmmm..... I am way too much cry actually. But yes, there's times when i can't cry anymore. I feels like so tired and hopeless, like helpless. And sometimes because i feel such numb since i try to understand why am i so terribly sad. Well, honestly, it is better out as emotionally conduct such as crying or screaming. Once i hold it back, and it really feels so bad and so sick inside.

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so when my grandfather from my dads side of the family died i showed no signs of sadness or sympathy. I felt like the worlds biggest douchebag! is there something wrong with me :(

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i want to cry but can't because i need to be strong.

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Boy do I want to cry just now...

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When life goes really tough on us, we tend to feel so broken but unable to cry due to an inner fear that puts on a tough mask

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There are moments that I want to cry but wont, I hold them back because a guy is not supposed to cry.

There are moments that tears come instantly at the saddest time, like in a book, move, the news and I try as hard as I can to stop the tears because guys are not supposed to cry.

When the tears get to much and I have to let the waterworks flow, I go somewhere alone where no one can see me.

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thats tough. They way we've been socialized according to our gender is just too...restrictive

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I have had thoes times when,I want to burst in to tears,and then let it pass because,I am feeling if I start I will feel worse and feel drained.So I hold back.

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don't you feel tremendous relief after a good cry though?

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the only time i cry in an instant is when my heart has been touched.

all other tears from anger, frustration,despair..are all held back until i have privacy..it's more of a release valve cry.

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All the time...sometimes I want to cry so bad but as soon as my eyes start to water, the feeling goes away. I do everything to make myself cry sometimes but I just can't do it. For me it's because I grew up being told what goes on behind closed doors stays behind closed doors. You never show negative emotion to the outside world because they'll think you're weak. And never, EVER let anyone think they have an opportunity to come in and knock you down when you're vulnerable. That's also translated into not allowing myself to show affection in relationships, which also means I have a hard time accepting it. I feel every emotion tenfold...I just can't show them until they've build up for so long that I fall apart.



Also, like SplatterPhoenix said, the emotion that tends to provoke crying in me is frustration. That said, when I feel hurt or sad, it also usually comes out in the form of irritation or even anger, but I don't cry with that type of frustration because I'm already masking one emotion with another. It all goes back to the childhood thing. I can go numb much easier than I can express. It doesn't mean I don't feel, only that I push it aside. The brain's defense mechanisms amaze me. It's interesting how even though emotions are felt the same by each and every one of us, they're expressed (or not expressed) differently based on our experiences.

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wow this is amazing. you're right, emotional life is complicated. But the fact that you're aware of all this is even more amazing. Many people have no idea why they are the way they are. Thanks for your great answer!

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If you are taught to stiffen your upper lip for so long...eventually you become detached to your feelings and physical responses. Iv'e had this many times... I think it has to do with the toughening up process....I simply cannot cry randomly.... whether I think to toughen up or not.... I think my subconcious just decides not to cry and questions the concept of needing to cry.

But strangely enough... I can also cry on demand....like an actor aswel. I can choose my emotions the majority of the time.... and I tend to think most people can quite easily in most situations... but just haven't figured it out yet.

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Yes, when my girlfriend broke my heart.

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:( sorry to hear that. Maybe if you let yourself cry you'll feel much better..

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I think it's becaues crying isn't enough to express your sadness.

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but then you would still cry, just not enough tears. But in the case of not being able to cry, you still have the tear-reserves avail you just cant...

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I know what you mean and don't understand either. Kind of like you're numb

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Most of the time I feel is anger, I think its because since childhood whenever i am sad or hurt or frustrated, that instead of crying, even though i really badly want to cry, express it as anger.



I guess its because i don't want people or even my family to think i am weak. Most of the time I show that i don't care, when I am hurting a lot and really want to cry. I think if i cry its like i am defeated, that i lost to someone and that instantly becomes anger that why am i crying. I just bury that emotion and replace it with anger. This now just happen subconsciously every time i fell sad or hurt.



I just don't know, i just can't say when i am sad or hurt, i want the other person to understand without me saying anything. I know its not possible for the other person to know until i tell them.



I don't know when it started but instead of crying i just become angry and when i am alone and want to cry but i just could not cry, that make's me more angry.



After expressing so much anger and suppressing to much, a time comes that i explode and cry and cry silently in the corner of my room without letting anyone knowing. And than feel really guilty that i hurt others because of my anger.

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I feel this way right now, my gf broke up with me near my birthday, and it was so out of the blue cause we were perfect till then, and her reason was that she decided she wasn't ready for a bf. I feel so much pain, the most pain I've felt, even more than a funeral, but I can only get to a teary point, but I know I NEED to cry. It really is so much pain that you cant cry.

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