If he did unforgivable things, no. If it was a dysfunctional dance where you both were equally responsible, it is probably best if you do.<br />
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There is an old saying, "If you hate someone, you are giving them power over you." If you hate your ex, and the only way to rid yourself of that hate is forgiveness, forgive him. BUT people confuse forgiveness with not hating. It is possible to stop hating (emotionally detach) without forgiving. <br />
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An example. Few have forgiven Hitler for what he did. Most people hate what he did, but don't have a true hatred of the person, because they never met him, and the Holocaust is more of an intellectual exorcise for most people at this point in time. We haven't forgiven the man, but we don't allow hate for him to rob us of joy and life.<br />
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(My opinion) Forgiveness should only be given when the offending party had rational justification (even if you don't agree with the justification,) was "temporarily insane," or is truly remorseful. A cheating spouse who has no remorse, should not be forgiven. What should happen is that you accept that he is an a$$, and that it has no reflection on you. Stop hating him, he's not worth the effort; he has already stolen enough of your happiness and life. Forgiveness is optional.

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Forgiveness and letting go aren't the same thing. I think forgiveness is so much harder.

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Not in my experience. Forgiveness can be freeing, to a degree, but it's also something that is very hard to force. It takes time for your emotions to settle and for certain feelings to heal. And feeling a certain way about one person doesn't shut down your ability to feel other things or for other people<br />
I think a lot depends on how you handle the anger and the hurt. Whether you hold those in the healthier perspective. Some people can never get over something because they carry that pain around like some sort of badge or they allow it to define them. Some allow the hurt they have felt from one or some, to infect and color every relationship they might have in the future. <br />
We all have baggage. It's how you carry it. Where you place it among your "things" and the priority you grant it in your mind and heart. If you make it heavier than it deserves, it will be a weight that you can't carry very far, and you can't move on. If you treat it with the respect and in accordance with its value in the greater scheme of things, then it shrinks quite a bit...more as time passes....until it is a very manageable thing, sometimes an afterthought...and you can easily brush it aside if it gets in your way. Instead of the elephant that crushes you, it's like the gnat that buzzes around your face...or the inconvenient little cockroach that you have to stomp out now and then.

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I think so. But only if you want to be free, only if you want to be happy.<br />
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It is easy to hold onto our stories, what happened to us, our own pain. Whether we know it or not, it gives us an identity. We are The One Who Was Wronged. Or maybe, The One Who Was Left. Or mabye, The One Who Will Never Forget What They Did To Us.<br />
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Whether we like it or not, holding onto these identities is US hurting OURSELVES.<br />
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If we have the courage to look at it, to work through it, to let that go..... who are we then? Isnt that a much more interesting path??? <br />
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After all, it is about us. What do we want for ourselves? I know what I want. I want to be free and happy. :D

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I think you do have to forgive in order to move on, otherwise you still harbor that pain/hurt in your heart and it won't allow you to move on...it's not easy, and it may take longer than you'd like but it is necessary

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I will probably be stuck where I am at then.

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in time it should become easier to forgive...

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I have never been one who to forgives someone who really does not deserve it.

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If you can forgive them, then I would question the need to move on.

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i never have and i never will

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