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Home  >  Friends and Family  >  Resolved Question
heidistelzig
Resolved Question
Do you think as a parent you have the right to tell your kids who they hang out with?
My daughter hangs out with a bad group of girls and we told her we didn't want her hanging out with them any more. We are only looking out for her best interest did we do the right thing?
Posted 1 month ago
levin60kitty
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
YES! When they become adults and move out they can hang out with whoever they want, but while at home I am the arbiter of who, when, and where.
Your daughter will thank you one of these days.
Posted 1 month ago
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crazyinlove88
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 10:25PM
My husband feels that as a husband he has the right to tell me who I can hang around. As a parent you have the right to tell them. But also has a parent you have to be smart enough to realize that if you tell them they can't hang out with someone they are going to sneak out to see the friends. I mean we have all been there remember what we did as teenagers?
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loyll
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 9:31PM
Only when it is in their best interest!! That means you love your children and you do not want them to get caught up with the wrong crowd. There is too much peer pressure these days.
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puck61
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 6:02PM
An emphatic yes!
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MegJgeM
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 6:12PM
Yes in certain instances. I think we as human beings have a sick sense of someones true self in an initial meeting. It is that gut feeling we are all familiar with. So it is of course appropriate to meet the kids that hang out with yours to discover a little bit about them......and from there make judgments based on meeting and perhaps advice from other people. We as parents are here to protect our children! So make sure you are engaged in the lives of your children and protect them at all costs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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cherrybomb84
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 6:30PM
I think that as a parent you have the right to tell your kids just about anything. My daughter had a friend that I didn't like, I could just picture my daughter with this girl when this kid got caught for shop lifting or something. I told my daughter that she was trouble, gave it some time, felt sorry for this girl, but one day told my daughter that that was it. My daughter respected my wishes, knew that I had her best interest at heart, and got new friends. In time she saw that it was for the best and we all survived. It is my First job as a parent to protect my child, and that's just what I did.
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OregonJoe
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 6:44PM
Yes, As a young man I was told who I should be seen with & hang with. I respected my parents opinions because I knew thew knew best from experience. Sometimes the rule was relaxed so I could learn a lesson.
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librakitty05
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 6:46PM
Yes you do have the right to
my daughters had a friend who used to shop lift and I told them that any friend who get you in trouble especially with the law is not a friend.
one daughter dropped the friend the other didn't ans a week later I caught both of them and two others with beer
and because my daughter was the oldest she is the one who got in trouble even though it was the other girl who stole the beer.
my daughter now believes me and even though she is over 18 she will still ask my advice about some people.
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biscuits
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 7:01PM
Well, my parents usually didn't like most of my friends & I did not like who they preferred. They were frequently right about the bad side of my peers, but, that was the bad side in me in neon lights. So...they can certainly express their opinions, but, should not drive thteir own child away in doing so. Those friends I loved in my sense of love at that age, so, feelings can get hurt & resentments can develop.
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Waiwera
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 7:05PM
I certainly think that (KNOW that) a parent has the right (and duty) to advise their children not to associate with a friend who is assessed as being a bad influence; but whether or not your child will take any notice, and whether or not you can effectively STOP them from associating if they go against your wishes is entirely another matter.

My son had to land in court before he took any notice; and was extremely angry with me for not guaranteeing him and getting him out of going to detention centre. But he had broken his court curfew, and although I didn't tell the court that, I knew I COULDN'T guarantee anything as far as his doing what he was told was concerned - so he "got the book thrown at him"... a hard lesson, but a necessary one.
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Smokeseek
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 7:09PM
Hell yes. When the kids move out the house they can do as they please, but while children live with me, I will have say in who they hang out with.
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aileengein
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 7:34PM
Of course. Thats why your the parent and they're the child. My momma always told me not to hang with a bad crowd. And they always told me that if I ever got in trouble, they would bail me out the first time, but the second time they would let me rot....I only got in trouble once....lol!
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RubyBloodDrop
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 8:54PM
Depends. Bad influence as in drinking al the time and smoking crack? Yeah You can advise against it. But bad as in "they live in the projects and you won't look good hanging out with them" is bad. I had a friend who was very nice but her family was very poor and her mother has a mental illness and i was told not to hang out with her just because it would make me look bad. Well i didn't care. I hung out with her all through middle and high school and i probably had no social life because of that. But i don't care. OF all the friends i had the "bad" one was the only one who stuck by me.

So my answer is yes and no depending on the circumstance.
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chanceNaodhan
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 9:31PM
Yes you have the right to tell her who she can hang out with, you are her parents. Im not sure how old your daughter is, but please remember that she probably feels like she can control her own life, whether she is capable or not. My stepdad and Mom did that for/to me a lot growing up, but sometimes that did it in a way that isolated me from them. Eventually, I felt like I couldnt tell them anything or come to them with my problems.
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LaMalquerida
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 9:34PM
You are the ONLY one that has a right to tell them who they have a right to hang out with.

My parents monitored everyone I hung out with. They actively encouraged me to hang out with people that they knew came from good families from our church. I hated it, but in time, I understood. My parents knew what a soft heart I had and how impressionable I was. They knew if they didn't help me, I could have easily ended up like the kids that messed their lives up.

Parenthood is not about friendship - it's about LEADERSHIP. Your children need you to be there for them and love them, but above all, they need a strong, firm leader to take them through the minefield that childhood and teens compose.

All this comes from the tempestuous and rebellious youngest daughter of a conservative family, BTW LOL
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godspeedyoukaren
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 9:49PM
you might be able to tell her she can't, but does that really make her stop? if she's a rebellious type, she might just hang out with them behind your back. maybe you should take the time to hang out with your daughter and her friends to get to know the whole gang better. dinner or a low key family and friends party?
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Mystic44
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 10:00PM
Why wouldn't you have the right??? That is like saying, Do we have the right to make them go to school, or do we have the right to keep them safe.. if anyone says no I will fall over!!!
Yes you have the right... you have the right to thoroughly check the family parents and home of any child you feel you need to that keeps your child safe.
I knew a family that had that question many years ago, in the meantime the friend her daughter was playing with (her daughter was 9) was 16 years old and got the child to get in the car with her when she was not fully licensed and they ended up in a severe crash 28 miles from home. I dunno don't you think it is maybe a good idea? Keep them safe while letting them know, it is out of love and keeping them safe.
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kiddlemidd
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 11:51PM
You can tell them all you want. Just don't expect them to listen. As a teenager, I can say from experience that knowing my parents don't like the people only makes me want to hang out with them more. As a (self taught) student of psychology, I can say that Those years are a time for figuring yourself out. Teenagers want to know who they are, and they want to not be their parents. If she's the oldest of your kids, you're probably ok, but if she's middle or youngest or an only child, you're better off having her friends come to your house and trying to get used to them. If you choose not to do that, watch her closely. Make sure she has a cell phone so she can call you if she needs to, and explain to her exactly why you don't like her friends.
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Duana
Posted Nov 17th, 2008 at 11:59PM
Of course! You are responsible for their well-being! It is not out of control- it is because you love them so deeply and the teen years can screw a kid up for life- but it doesn't have to. It can be the solid foundation of their lives.
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RobertHedrock
Posted Nov 18th, 2008 at 3:34AM
It's not just a right; it's a responsibility. While they're still minors you should be looking out for them. Just don't expect any thanks.
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