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lovelywings lovelywings 31-35, F 11 Answers Dec 13, 2012 in Marriage

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I know the situation.....the first thing is to sit down the 4 of you and explain to them that you are not replacing their mother and are not going to try to...but your future husband needs to explain that you will have some discipline rights and you will be given respect. You should also realize that you wont have the ability to do the heavy scolding leave that to your husband. The rest is getting used to the adjustments and some compromise by all parties. Good luck

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this is helpful, thank you :)

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youre welcome....FYI.......23 1/2 yrs ago I married a lady with 5 daughters....they have always been my girls...and a year later....i adopted them.......now they are adults and we have 10 grandchildren........If you put your marriage first and care for the children together youll be fine

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That's very inspiring...I know for sure he loves me very much. At the beginning I was not sure bcos of our differences (religion, culture, age) but he convinced me that things will be allright.

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Thank you seastorm, I am sure your step father was so proud of you.

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I don't know you, so how I could I answer your question?

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yes, since you sound like you want to be

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I don't know a thing about you , I guess the guy thinks so or he wouldn't bring his kids around you . check back in a few months when that teenager decides to tell you that you're not her real mom

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Of course you can be, the question is will you be, you care enough to ask, I'd say that's a good start.

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As a daughter to a divorced parents.



My best advice is not to rush into it, and to let them know that you can never replace their mom.

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Sure, if you love this man, you should try to also love his kids.

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Are his other children minors or adults?

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A teenage girl and a 9 years old boy

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It is too difficult to answer a question like this without actually knowing you, them, their father, his ex-wife, etc. All I can say is that I have a new step-mother, but I am an adult so it is easier for her to respect boundaries. If you can respect these children for who they are, and not burden them with the drama or liabilities of the former relationship their parents had.. I think they will come to respect you. Children are wonderful, complex and delicate beings. Teach them with compassion your heart, and not with jealousy or bitterness in your heart, and everything will turn out for the better!

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Most important is your future husband's attitude. Do you both agree on discipline issues? Do you agree on what behaviors ought to be corrected? How they ought to be correct? Time outs? Removal of privileges? Will he trust you to make those decisions on your own when he isn't around? Who will he believe when/if your version of things is not the same as his children's?

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yeah..you make some good points here...I need to think about all these

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