Do you think that we truly cannot help who we are attracted to or fall in love with?

I beieve it is true...we cant help it. We have no control over who, when, or why. But I agree with creamsicle, we can control our choice as to how we act or react to those desires and feelings. We are only human and we have natural tendencies and inclinations...those dont stop even when we are already in a relationship with another. As long as we remain focused and keep things in perspective, then we will be okay. But no....we cannot help who we are attracted to or love, any more than we can help who we are not.

I agree with Cream and Indy. Whenever it has happened to me I've been minding my own business when-WHAM!- that person has come into my life. But you can choose and control what you do about it. Perhaps that person has criminal or drug/alcohol issues. Family problems that are beyond what you can deal with. Maybe a husband! Time to walk away.
I wish you could choose. At least once I've known someone that was a wonderful person, a best friend, beautiful smart and sexy. If we had fallen in love she could have been the best thing that ever happened to me. But with all that and more that "feeling" just wasn't there.

I certainly hope not. That would mean I'd have to take full responsibility for my feelings instead of blaming some mysterious, involuntary process.

A person can and should control this. If you love someone bad who hurt you can control this, If you love someone who doesent love you and suffer because of that you can control this. There is a moment between when you like the person and between when you lose your mind and go for it no matter what and in this moment you should stop and think and understand who this person really is. Most of the times when people say they can not leave this person because they love him its not love or the love is dead long ago. It's hard to avoid this it's like an addiction but it's possible. You can only like some type of people but you can always decide to love them or not.

Yes, and that is pat of the fun. Imagine how dreadful it would be if the whole process was entirely rational. That wouldn't be love - it would be business.

Yes, that is precisely what I think.

There is a thing called restraint; if you're attracted to or fall in love with say a relative, boss, married (gay) politician.

Hi
Yes, we cannot help our feelings of attraction, but we have a choice on whether to act on those feelings.
Please share with us what is going on?
Love solarmoon

hmmmm i find that we cant help who we are infatuated with or by... but that love and true love is always a choice because love is about infatuation turned into a mix of infatuation and commitment and attraction is just about infatuation ... the base level of everything ..

Yes, I believe that and I am so glad it's that way.

Who you are attracted to and who you fall in love with are greatly determined by your conditioning up until this point in your life. To a large degree, it would seem you did not have much control over this, although many of your past choices actually determined your past experiences. The bottom line is that your past determines your current feelings.

If you know that you are making the wrong choices, you CAN do something about it. You need to reprogram your brain, effectively updating your currently stored experiences, so that you react differently in the future.

For example, you can keep linking your painful experiences in your mind with your wrong choices and condition yourself to avoid those people (and those experiences) in the future. Once you have conditioned yourself to avoid such people, stop thinking about them. There is a paradox that you end up being attracted to whatever you think about, either good or bad.

You then need to spend more time thinking about what you see for yourself in the future. Look around you and find people like what you want to be. How can you think and be more like that person?

You will find that, for example, if you want to be more confident, and you cultivate confidence, then you will stop being attracted to predatory partners and become more attracted to partners who demonstrate respect. Above all, tell yourself that you want someone that will help you to be the best that you can be.

Don't expect immediate changes. Reprogramming your brain takes countless repetitions. It works best if you always associate strong emotions with your thoughts, first to get rid of your negative attractions, then to acquire new positive attractions.

Don't feel the need to find someone right away. Give yourself time to grow personally as you reprogram yourself to seek what you truly want.

Make a conscious choice about what you want, associate positive feelings with those choices, and you will find yourself drawn toward people who can give you what you want.

Good luck!
NeoAwakens

i think different people are attracted to different types. people fall in love with who they are attracted to . so i dont think we can help it even tho it is not good for us sometimes!

We shouldn't "help it" but rather recognise and embrace it. I am in love with two men right now, one as a soul mirror, the other as a soul mate. I just know what the boundaries are for a happy relationship.

You can be attracted to certain kinds of people, but love can make you surprises...you can fall in love with someone who you never expected.

Yep... Love is an untamed force. We can try to know our limits,and control ourselves, so as not to fall,and stay in that level of "like", but I don't think there are any rules. Love is Love. It's always mysterious.