Oh, my question--I go years with my family either speaking or not. They are all insane and if I play the part they love me and when I don't--no card on my birthday. They are the most horrid people on earth and it took me fifty years to let them go--and all the friends that I accumulated based on their interpretation of the world. I used to think I was nuts myself and then some shrink said--they were so crazy that even as a child you could see and didn't go there. I'm not sane by choice.
I'm just releive to find out I'm not the only in this situation. It took me all my life to put them aside and I was and still guilty thinking I did not do enough to help the situation but I'tired now of this. That's too much...<br />
Yet VERY SAD
Wow! even though this question is two years old it is fresh on my mind. My family acts like I don't exist and that's getting alright with me. I moved a way from home when I was 18 years old and all I hear is how much they resent me for -----. It seems after 40 some years they could at least treat me like a human being. I am in the process of telling myself I've been on my own without their help and have my own life. I have always felt sad and lonely over this. however, If that is our relationship then so be it. I'm busy trying to be a human being to myself and others. They have their own life and I am glad they are all together as a family after so many years. I have nothing they want or need except to be part of a family. I've made my own family of people who know and love me. Sometimes life is not what we think it needs to be for us. We just have to accept that it is how it turned out and know when to cut loose. Thanks for your comments on this page. It has really helped me turn loose---43 years?
I hAVE been in recovery from depression for years and since joining al non 2 years ago, I finally made a break with most of my family of origin, except my older brother. I made a decision to dicontinue contacting them as the relationships were very one sided and I did mostly all the giving. Rarely ever have they visited me or initiated a phone call. I am now not even informed of family members who are in a life threatening situation after having been hospitalized, it as if I am obsolete or non existent! I am nearly ready to ditch the entire family as it only continues to cause me more and more pain. any one else in this predicament. No wonder I dealt with depression, it was definitely greatly infulenced by the environment I was engulfed in. Wow, its hard even in your forties to detach from those you have always wished would acknowledge and accept you but dont'. I wish there was some way through the pain, but that is just what I must do, go through it and feel all the loss and hurt. That is where the healing begins. Hope someone else might let me know how they have dealt with this srtuff. Its such a huge hole, but life does get better and we all move on~! Grace and Peace! <br />
The way through the pain for me was to realize, understand and accept that I did not, nor do I now, deserve the pain and horrible treatment I received from them.
I tried again and again to reconcile over the years, but I finally realized that it was all one sided. They saw themselves as having done nothing wrong, it was all in my head, I was paranoid, I made it all up, misunderstood them.
There's no way to reconcile honestly with someone who won't acknowledge their role in the dynamic that makes the situation.
I spent 7 years in therapy, including participating in a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Treatment and Support Group.
Even now, less than a year before turning 50 years old, I still develop relationships with people trying to win the approval of my family, by-proxy. I seek out, unwittingly, people who are just like them, reliving the same situations, trying to do the right thing, to be accepted. I'm recognizing this more and more often and more easily and I'm trying to break away from this pattern.
It's a life long process, recovery from family abuse, but it does get easier as time goes on and I've learned to appreciate myself a lot more in recent years.
I wish you luck. Don't give up, just keep moving forward, but trying to recognize the patterns of the past.
I have been there, many times... I always knew I did not quite fit in with my family on my mom's side, they would seldom invite me to their gatherings or would make plans where most would be invited but me. After my mom passed away it was almost as if I had died with my mom as well, they stopped calling, inviting me over for gatherings, etc. It was so frustrating and depressing that at some point, full of resentment and sadness I decided to cut all ties with them, period.
Im not going to lie about missing them, because I do and some days I miss being there with them, specially when I see they travel together, get together, etc on instagram or fb; but I feel better now, after years it does get better, one starts feeling more confident with one self and one develops ties with other people who in turn become like family to one.
The saddest part, in my case, is that my sister does get invited and she's never been excluded and because of her association with them she has developed the same attitude and she and I no longer have communication with each other, it has come to the point that even when comes to my city, she visits many cousins and relatives but she never tells me she is town and wills to visit me. But, then again, one does get used to it and the less attention one gives to the matter, the less stressful and depressed one will feel.
yes my family have made me an outcast for my honesty. Id rather be a realist and honest with people than be a back stabber, shame most of my family are. They have all put it down to my mental health as i suffer acute depression.. makes me laugh really as im the sanest of the lot. The worst part is that not being contacted by my family has not effected my life in any way whatsoever. which is sad in a way just proves they were never there to begin with. anyone else experienced this?
Yes, and it is still ongoing because I am allowing myself to be hurt by their lack of communication. My mother doesn't like my husband and the reason is "just because". He and I have moved to England and I've not received one phone call or text MSG from any friends or family- evidently England is on another planet to them or they can't be bothered to sort out international dialling. <br />
My 21 year old son is getting married in two weeks and he's not spoke to me in over a year now because his fiancé got her feelings hurt when I asked her to stop sending me emails with txt type abbreviations that I didn't know how to read as well as to try and use punctuations since each email from her was one loooooong sentence with no breaks. She believes I have called her stupid and so my son is defending her honour and I've been exiled from their lives which included his 21st birthday, engagement party and all wedding events. Because of the latter the rest of the family, such as my two sisters, find themselves in the middle of the drama and because they live near him (not too mention see him often), and I live "so far" away, then they don't speak to me either so they won't feel shamed into telling me news or learn anything of me to share with him. <br />
I also asked my older sister if she couldn't make more of an effort on my birthday than just the email that read "happy birthday" from her iPhone. She has my number, my address, and I showed her how to Skype or video me on google but because I shared my feel<br />
Links with her I am now,in her words, "expecting from everyone what you always do...I am not you" email and we've not spoke since she also included I brag about my travels.<br />
I am 43 years old, raised 2 boys as a single mom and married in 2010 after having been single for 13 years. I worked 16 hours a day 7 days a week to provide for not only my boys but for nice gifts or gestures for friends and family alike and now that I have a husband who provides for me, has shown me places all over the world and I don't have to work to pay debts finally. I have been ignored now for the past year for no longer being at their mercy financially, on rainy days, taxi driving for them, planning parties, etc that just when I found a man to love me this much the rest of my world fell apart. I have my husband and a wonderful life in England that I am grateful for, but I wish I had my family too and their support and happiness as well. <br />
I appreciate all of the comments I've read here and hope I can find strength to let them go as some of you have done. I suppose my mother and sisters is one step but the loss of my son is the worse. He hasn't even acknowledged me as part of his life or contributions for helping him become the man he is,etc on their wedding blog. It aches beyond crying everyday and my husband doesn't know how to help as he has no children of his own. I have tried to apologise for her hurt feelings but isnt that something she allows hersel
Yes. I decided to become independent, have my own life. I fell in love, got married and lost my mother (my abuser) and my sister, as they saw my independence and the life I have made for myself as 'slights against' them. They think everything I have, say, do, is somehow to remind them of what they don't have. <br />
They have always been very jealous and competitive with members of the family. In all honesty, my life is better without their stress and nonsense. That sounds horrible, but letting go of the toxicity in our lives can make a big difference in how we feel.
My family ignored me and my boyfriend. I think he wasn't "white" enough for them
I have my whole life , fed into their negativity and always gave in when they'd ignore me and act like i didn't exist until they needed something from me , so happened that one morning i didn't help my mom out with her friends daughter, im partially handicapped from having a hip replacement by the way but they always liked to act as if i never had anything wrong and id have trouble getting to sleep at night due to my knee it started hurting a couple of months after my surgery , some people are just toxic, a waste of your time trying to be accepted by people that are just out for their own happiness and well being, a family that wants to disgard you like that isn't worth your time nor effort , you need to know when to draw the line and say its enough i have and im only 25 years old plenty of people told me enough times to just stay away and not give into the cruel/harsh treatment they attempted to put me through, its not worth the negativity or trying to earn their acceptance. Unfortunately we have to learn the hard way but sometimes its for the best that you just give up on the things that can't be fixed.
yes, I do not understand its my life not theirs. They only call when they hear of something bad going on, or somebody dies. It is so bad that I feel that witchcraft was performed on me because I had a lot of financial struggles and still do, my career was destroyed, but God will restore it. my son stayed in and out of jail until he was 30yrs old. Even though my mother is deceased I feel that she took dislike and hatred of<br />
me to her grave. She always tried to hold me back.
I'm shunned by all my family. And I didn't even do anything wrong. My step mother for fourteen years lives in another state and doesn't even acknowledge I exist yet my full blood sister (her favorite) is fully acknowledged and praised and has been throughout my life. I emailed her, asking for the things that I left behind when I moved, she asked me what I wanted I told her nothing specific...she read the letter and has NEVER messaged me back, and it's been over two months since that letter was read. My dad and his side of the family made me homeless and claims all he wants is my respect. But I don't respect a man that abandons his children, cheats on his wives, and becomes a cop just (then texts constantly on the highway) to look good. He ignores my messages to him as well. He won't even hold a conversation he'll be online, read the message (sometimes), and then get off and never respond. Then when I had my baby they all of a sudden wanted a relationship. My grandma is worse than my dad, she's a huge manipulator. When it comes to my dad's side of the family, I don't believe they ignore me because of MY decisions, I believe they ignore me because I am NOT like them. When it comes to my step mom, she is nothing more than the type where my efforts are never good enough for her she would beat me down all the time about how I never did good enough...I'll accept that...but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to have neither father NOR mother or ANY family at all that is psychologically SAFE to be around.
i studied medicine for few years because my dad is a doctor himself. Whilst studying, I realised it was something I'm not passionate about.<br />
Since young, I' ve been more creative and very passionate in arts. I decided to be a brave person, and decide for myself to study fashion designs. My dad ignored me since then, giving me negative flance and stares. He has never been proud of me. I failed one subject whilst in uni and said I was an embarassment to the family. He always said " you can't do it anyway" and when I decided to so fashion he said i never did anything creative or have any talent so what makes me think i can do this. He hardly knows about me because he has never been interested in me. <br />
It's always been a conditional love from him. I had to get his approval then he would show his acceptance. He never once got me birthday or christmas present and when my mum told him to go to my 21st birthday lunch he said hell no.
no. They never ignore me, they just give me negative attention.
No, but I must admit there are a couple I ignore because they are toxic to me.
Oh I think family are our worse critics. I made a decision to live as I wanted to and through out the last few years my family was upset and did not agree withmy choice. In 2008 I was told i was not part of the family and please don't contact them. Well if one is considered dead then one shouldd ensure that the treatment becomes semi reality.<br />
I managed to get them to believe that I had died in April of this year, They were lamenting and tearswere flowing strong amongst my birth family and relatives.<br />
Suddenly they realized I was gone for good.
No. The ones who ignore me today pretty much always ignored me. <br />
That would be tough, though being ignored because of something that I did. Most of the time with my relatives there would at least be fighting or ridiculing going on. Ignoring someone is very hurtful. I know.
My mom walked out because of some decisions my dad made. Not very fair to the rest of us though.
My family ignores me and my 2 grown children . We are all half siblings to one another, I'm the youngest, but they treat me and my kids like they don't exist. They may post something on facebook once or twice a year, but they all meet up and have family gatherings and I'm excluded because I'm not "full blood" with this person or that person. I've had this sadness within me my whole life. I wish we could be close, but they just have different views of me. 3 of us were all raised together, but that doesn't seem to matter. Our parents are dead and it seems there is no one to link me to my siblings. I've accepted it but it's hard, lonely and sad. I wish my kids had their uncles in their lives, but they barely know them.
My mother has had wars with her sister and it seems to have filtered down to the kids. myself and my sister we neva talk and shes proven in the past to have avoided calling me for simple things. She wud rather call my mother and get her to ask me...bloody pathetic. People who are self obsessed and self centered dont see things other than how they want to see things, so when you are real and tell it like it is they shun u for it. My family is tiny and there is a clic formed between my sister and nan. They dnt bother with me or my kids. I get upset thinkin its me but i did some deep meditation yday and realised that i do love them thats why i feel sad about this, but they r just up their own fake arses and im not that kind of person so i guess thats why we dont get along. Theres no men in my family (not being sexest) no father's or uncles so the family is unbalanced, ive been told not to continue carrying the burden of family relationships or lack of cohesion not brought into the fam by ur peers. U feel ur family should b a certain way and when its not that way u get upset, but i never made it like this
Yes, I do. It really is emotionally very difficult. As it has been this way for a good few years. There is know noticeable reason, I have not murdered anyone, etc. I think I am quite caring, actually.
So it has caused immense sadness and confusion. It is still happening now, although just recently I had a very unusual set of circumstances where I was involved with some of my family members. However, they have gone back to there old behaviour of ignoring and not making me feel wanted or needed etc. You would be surprised if you met me as I am not someone who one would normally devalue like that. (Not that anyone deserves it) but I mean I don't do anything that would automatically embarrass anyone etc. It all is a very long story as I have been trying to deal with this for a very long time. I would sometimes even imagine that I lived in America as I heard that in some states, in the U.S. it was within the law to take family members to court for non- physical abuse but mental anguish., which can take a heavy toll on a person, when there ignored and excluded in family matters. As ignoring and not including is another form of abuse. That's what has happened to me .I'm sure if they were confronted about it by a stranger they would go straight into denial or pass the buck, anything but own up to it. Or turn the blame on me as though I earned the rejection, somehow. They would hate to ever have to admit, that they are indeed callous with this treatment they dolled out or not dolled out depending on the perspective. If I was to say to one of them that they were cruel for doing this they would immediately launch into a tirade of "stop causing trouble" or a similar remark, trying to lie there way out of it and not taking responsibility for there mean behaviour. I think they see themselves as innocent wonderful people, which is a joke because I think they have emotionally abused me. I think that is quite serious but in no way could you say that it was an exaggeration. I do not like to, exaggerate, I am just telling it like it has been, I have barely been able to get through my life sometimes because of all the negative effects this has had on me.