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laceset laceset 36-40, F 24 Answers Jun 26, 2010

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Oh, my question--I go years with my family either speaking or not. They are all insane and if I play the part they love me and when I don't--no card on my birthday. They are the most horrid people on earth and it took me fifty years to let them go--and all the friends that I accumulated based on their interpretation of the world. I used to think I was nuts myself and then some shrink said--they were so crazy that even as a child you could see and didn't go there. I'm not sane by choice.

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Yes, and it is still ongoing because I am allowing myself to be hurt by their lack of communication. My mother doesn't like my husband and the reason is "just because". He and I have moved to England and I've not received one phone call or text MSG from any friends or family- evidently England is on another planet to them or they can't be bothered to sort out international dialling.



My 21 year old son is getting married in two weeks and he's not spoke to me in over a year now because his fiancé got her feelings hurt when I asked her to stop sending me emails with txt type abbreviations that I didn't know how to read as well as to try and use punctuations since each email from her was one loooooong sentence with no breaks. She believes I have called her stupid and so my son is defending her honour and I've been exiled from their lives which included his 21st birthday, engagement party and all wedding events. Because of the latter the rest of the family, such as my two sisters, find themselves in the middle of the drama and because they live near him (not too mention see him often), and I live "so far" away, then they don't speak to me either so they won't feel shamed into telling me news or learn anything of me to share with him.



I also asked my older sister if she couldn't make more of an effort on my birthday than just the email that read "happy birthday" from her iPhone. She has my number, my address, and I showed her how to Skype or video me on google but because I shared my feel

Links with her I am now,in her words, "expecting from everyone what you always do...I am not you" email and we've not spoke since she also included I brag about my travels.



I am 43 years old, raised 2 boys as a single mom and married in 2010 after having been single for 13 years. I worked 16 hours a day 7 days a week to provide for not only my boys but for nice gifts or gestures for friends and family alike and now that I have a husband who provides for me, has shown me places all over the world and I don't have to work to pay debts finally. I have been ignored now for the past year for no longer being at their mercy financially, on rainy days, taxi driving for them, planning parties, etc that just when I found a man to love me this much the rest of my world fell apart. I have my husband and a wonderful life in England that I am grateful for, but I wish I had my family too and their support and happiness as well.



I appreciate all of the comments I've read here and hope I can find strength to let them go as some of you have done. I suppose my mother and sisters is one step but the loss of my son is the worse. He hasn't even acknowledged me as part of his life or contributions for helping him become the man he is,etc on their wedding blog. It aches beyond crying everyday and my husband doesn't know how to help as he has no children of his own. I have tried to apologise for her hurt feelings but isnt that something she allows hersel

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Yes. I decided to become independent, have my own life. I fell in love, got married and lost my mother (my abuser) and my sister, as they saw my independence and the life I have made for myself as 'slights against' them. They think everything I have, say, do, is somehow to remind them of what they don't have.



They have always been very jealous and competitive with members of the family. In all honesty, my life is better without their stress and nonsense. That sounds horrible, but letting go of the toxicity in our lives can make a big difference in how we feel.

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I'm just releive to find out I'm not the only in this situation. It took me all my life to put them aside and I was and still guilty thinking I did not do enough to help the situation but I'tired now of this. That's too much...

Yet VERY SAD

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yep. i made the poor decision to leave the town i lived in, get an education, a job, a stable family and not become a drug addict or alcoholic. there is a whole lot of people, including my grandmother, that have shunned me for this

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yes, I do not understand its my life not theirs. They only call when they hear of something bad going on, or somebody dies. It is so bad that I feel that witchcraft was performed on me because I had a lot of financial struggles and still do, my career was destroyed, but God will restore it. my son stayed in and out of jail until he was 30yrs old. Even though my mother is deceased I feel that she took dislike and hatred of

me to her grave. She always tried to hold me back.

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I'm shunned by all my family. And I didn't even do anything wrong. My step mother for fourteen years lives in another state and doesn't even acknowledge I exist yet my full blood sister (her favorite) is fully acknowledged and praised and has been throughout my life. I emailed her, asking for the things that I left behind when I moved, she asked me what I wanted I told her nothing specific...she read the letter and has NEVER messaged me back, and it's been over two months since that letter was read. My dad and his side of the family made me homeless and claims all he wants is my respect. But I don't respect a man that abandons his children, cheats on his wives, and becomes a cop just (then texts constantly on the highway) to look good. He ignores my messages to him as well. He won't even hold a conversation he'll be online, read the message (sometimes), and then get off and never respond. Then when I had my baby they all of a sudden wanted a relationship. My grandma is worse than my dad, she's a huge manipulator. When it comes to my dad's side of the family, I don't believe they ignore me because of MY decisions, I believe they ignore me because I am NOT like them. When it comes to my step mom, she is nothing more than the type where my efforts are never good enough for her she would beat me down all the time about how I never did good enough...I'll accept that...but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to have neither father NOR mother or ANY family at all that is psychologically SAFE to be around.

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Wow! even though this question is two years old it is fresh on my mind. My family acts like I don't exist and that's getting alright with me. I moved a way from home when I was 18 years old and all I hear is how much they resent me for -----. It seems after 40 some years they could at least treat me like a human being. I am in the process of telling myself I've been on my own without their help and have my own life. I have always felt sad and lonely over this. however, If that is our relationship then so be it. I'm busy trying to be a human being to myself and others. They have their own life and I am glad they are all together as a family after so many years. I have nothing they want or need except to be part of a family. I've made my own family of people who know and love me. Sometimes life is not what we think it needs to be for us. We just have to accept that it is how it turned out and know when to cut loose. Thanks for your comments on this page. It has really helped me turn loose---43 years?

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i studied medicine for few years because my dad is a doctor himself. Whilst studying, I realised it was something I'm not passionate about.

Since young, I' ve been more creative and very passionate in arts. I decided to be a brave person, and decide for myself to study fashion designs. My dad ignored me since then, giving me negative flance and stares. He has never been proud of me. I failed one subject whilst in uni and said I was an embarassment to the family. He always said " you can't do it anyway" and when I decided to so fashion he said i never did anything creative or have any talent so what makes me think i can do this. He hardly knows about me because he has never been interested in me.

It's always been a conditional love from him. I had to get his approval then he would show his acceptance. He never once got me birthday or christmas present and when my mum told him to go to my 21st birthday lunch he said hell no.

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yes my family have made me an outcast for my honesty. Id rather be a realist and honest with people than be a back stabber, shame most of my family are. They have all put it down to my mental health as i suffer acute depression.. makes me laugh really as im the sanest of the lot. The worst part is that not being contacted by my family has not effected my life in any way whatsoever. which is sad in a way just proves they were never there to begin with. anyone else experienced this?

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I hAVE been in recovery from depression for years and since joining al non 2 years ago, I finally made a break with most of my family of origin, except my older brother. I made a decision to dicontinue contacting them as the relationships were very one sided and I did mostly all the giving. Rarely ever have they visited me or initiated a phone call. I am now not even informed of family members who are in a life threatening situation after having been hospitalized, it as if I am obsolete or non existent! I am nearly ready to ditch the entire family as it only continues to cause me more and more pain. any one else in this predicament. No wonder I dealt with depression, it was definitely greatly infulenced by the environment I was engulfed in. Wow, its hard even in your forties to detach from those you have always wished would acknowledge and accept you but dont'. I wish there was some way through the pain, but that is just what I must do, go through it and feel all the loss and hurt. That is where the healing begins. Hope someone else might let me know how they have dealt with this srtuff. Its such a huge hole, but life does get better and we all move on~! Grace and Peace!



Anonymous

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The way through the pain for me was to realize, understand and accept that I did not, nor do I now, deserve the pain and horrible treatment I received from them.
I tried again and again to reconcile over the years, but I finally realized that it was all one sided. They saw themselves as having done nothing wrong, it was all in my head, I was paranoid, I made it all up, misunderstood them.
There's no way to reconcile honestly with someone who won't acknowledge their role in the dynamic that makes the situation.
I spent 7 years in therapy, including participating in a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Treatment and Support Group.
Even now, less than a year before turning 50 years old, I still develop relationships with people trying to win the approval of my family, by-proxy. I seek out, unwittingly, people who are just like them, reliving the same situations, trying to do the right thing, to be accepted. I'm recognizing this more and more often and more easily and I'm trying to break away from this pattern.
It's a life long process, recovery from family abuse, but it does get easier as time goes on and I've learned to appreciate myself a lot more in recent years.
I wish you luck. Don't give up, just keep moving forward, but trying to recognize the patterns of the past.

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no. They never ignore me, they just give me negative attention.

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No, but I must admit there are a couple I ignore because they are toxic to me.

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Oh I think family are our worse critics. I made a decision to live as I wanted to and through out the last few years my family was upset and did not agree withmy choice. In 2008 I was told i was not part of the family and please don't contact them. Well if one is considered dead then one shouldd ensure that the treatment becomes semi reality.

I managed to get them to believe that I had died in April of this year, They were lamenting and tearswere flowing strong amongst my birth family and relatives.

Suddenly they realized I was gone for good.

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My family ignored me and my boyfriend. I think he wasn't "white" enough for them

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No. The ones who ignore me today pretty much always ignored me.



That would be tough, though being ignored because of something that I did. Most of the time with my relatives there would at least be fighting or ridiculing going on. Ignoring someone is very hurtful. I know.

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My mom walked out because of some decisions my dad made. Not very fair to the rest of us though.

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I have my whole life , fed into their negativity and always gave in when they'd ignore me and act like i didn't exist until they needed something from me , so happened that one morning i didn't help my mom out with her friends daughter, im partially handicapped from having a hip replacement by the way but they always liked to act as if i never had anything wrong and id have trouble getting to sleep at night due to my knee it started hurting a couple of months after my surgery , some people are just toxic, a waste of your time trying to be accepted by people that are just out for their own happiness and well being, a family that wants to disgard you like that isn't worth your time nor effort , you need to know when to draw the line and say its enough i have and im only 25 years old plenty of people told me enough times to just stay away and not give into the cruel/harsh treatment they attempted to put me through, its not worth the negativity or trying to earn their acceptance. Unfortunately we have to learn the hard way but sometimes its for the best that you just give up on the things that can't be fixed.

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13 has always been my lucky number as this will be the thirteenth answer to this question I have just three words that can sum it up "All of them" Paschar

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I have a 42 year old son that does not have anything to do with his family. He lives 2 hrs. away yet complains its too far to drive. He always has an excuse not to meet someplace for dinner. He does not return phone calls or e-mails. He was not at all like this before he broke up with his girlfriend over a year ago. He did become depressed after that and the family rallied behind him to get him through it. Now nothing. Any advice?

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