Guy takes his dog into a bar. Tells the bartender it can talk. The bartender calls him a liar and tells him to leave, so he askes the dog who the greatest ba<x>seball pla<x>yer in the world was. The dog says "Roof... Roof-roof!" so they get thrown out. as they stand on the sidewalk the dog looks up at the man and says "Uhh... Dimaggio?"

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See if you like either of these: <br />
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A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. <br />
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"<br />
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The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lady! -- I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law!<br />
I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail, and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!" <br />
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.<br />
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The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a presc<x>ription." <br />
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Joke 2:<br />
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A priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that read, "The End is Near! Turn around before it's too late!"<br />
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"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled a driver as he sped by and gave them the finger.<br />
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Suddenly, from around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.<br />
"Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?”

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I'm completely lost, but I'm making great time! An Optimist sees the glass as half full, the Pessimist as half empty, the Engineer as twice as much glass as we needed. "Quitting smoking is easy, I do it every day.." (Mark Twain) I wish I could say here that I was finally able, after a lifelong fight to be able to put booze, cigarettes and "loose" women behind me, but once accomplished, it turned out to be the worst ten minutes of my life.. Of all the things I've lost over the years, I think I miss my mind the most. (oldie but moldy:) The term: "Military Intelligence" is an oxymoron. Don't let the bedbugs bite! =P Nice girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.. I have the body of a god! Yeah, it's Budda! It's always darkest before everything goes completely black! I feel like I've been "Shot at and missed, but '**** at' and hit." Whenever you come into extra money, something's about to break. "Things happen in 'Threes'" And I know it's not a joke, but in remembrance of all my 'fellow' nurses out there, a creed: "We've done so much with so little for so long, we're now qualified to do anything with nothing.." Everyone here brings joy, some by coming others by going. You're just jealous the voices only talk to me.. I can't be broke, I still have checks left! Oh, hell, that's enough..*click!*

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1. Zen buddhist monk is in new york, and decides to stop at one of those famous hot dog stands. Hot dog guy says "What do ya want?" Zen buddhist monk says "Make me one with everything."<br />
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2. Hot dog guy smiles, makes the monk a 'dog and hands it to him. Monk hands the hot dog guy a twenty, and the hot dog guy sticks it in his cash box and turns to his next customer. Taken aback, monk says "Pardon me, but shouldn't I be getting some change? Hot dog guy says "Change comes from within."

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sorry i do not tell joke?

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When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

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