Does holding grudges cut your own blessings off? Should I try to forgive my mother and move on?
It's like this. For some reason I feel 50/50 for my mom. Like I have some love and some hate there and I think the reason is because of all the things she's said to me negatively and this one big thing which was accuse me of her ex bf and let him put me out of the house all because of some things he made up on me. This was when I was 17 on up til about 20 maybe with my dealings with her. I also have these dreams where I'm fighting her and feeling good about it and when I awake I feel terrible because who wants to be hitting their own mother. I hate my dreams, but at the same time I believe I'm having them for a reason. I guess because I kinda blame her for the early part of my life and I can't seem to let it go. She've done so many things, like accusing me of her ex bf(totally not true and how could you call yourself a mother with that being said or thought about it), she always told me I will never be nothing, that I'm not all of that and I need polishing. She use to make it her business to say no man will want you because you haven't accomplish anything and this was about 4 years ago. Since then I'm just now starting back talking to her & living with her for some stupid reason. I guess the saying is true, some ppl love abuse. I know I'm still struggling to find a job and get back on my feet, but I still beat myself up as why I would even go back to her. And it's like she likes it. She likes that I can't get around or do things, I guess to have some kind of control over me. I'm trying not to hold a grudge before I move next 2 months because I don't want to hate her and when I have a daughter she ends up hating me. LIke, I want a good relationship with her, so that I won't be held accountable for mines with my daughter.