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I am a step-parent of a nearly 21 year old female. Said youngster has been given her own one bedroom MIL house in the back, separate from the main house. She has been given money for school, and supported all along the way with everything, to include a car, insurance, etc. She has a large dog which she lets run free and he leaves presents in the back yard. For nearly a year I have time and again asked for the presents to be removed on a regular basis, and finally, a month ago, out of sheer frustration, said she was to clean it up as it occurred. I can't cut the grass, water my garden, etc., without dealing with the piles! Today I said enough, either keep it clean, or the dog goes. Is that unreasonable?
wordsareforever wordsareforever 66-70, M 14 Answers Sep 4 in Parenting & Family

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no not at all my family wanted a puppy and the rules are "no untraining the dog while I'm out and clean up the crap every day" we have 3 children aged 8,11,& 12 Patrick 11 goes out every other day and cleans up poo and then gets on with whatever he needs to do after, my advice? clean up the poo and put it in her car...... unwrapped then sell the dog.

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It's kind of cruel to the dog. Find another way

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I really wish - I have said do it every couple of days, walk him, and even bought the scooper for her, and a flashlight so she can see at night. The only other way I can see is for me to do it, or just let the piles gather. I am not going to take care of her dog. I am open to any suggestions.

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Why punish the dog?! It isn't doing anything wrong your step-daughter is the one in the wrong here. And why isn't her mother saying anything? It's more likely she'd listen to her. Take her car away

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Well that's an excellent idea. Although, no car means she can't go to work, and no work means she wants more money. Thank you though, I will discuss that with her mother.

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Something that will affect her as it seems she gets a lot of financial support! Doing something here might make her finally take responsibility, and the dog won't be the one punished but your step-daughter will be

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Unreasonable. She needs to go... Seriously though it's gone on too long..

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I realize she might be special to you, but to me, she's just another ungrateful adult child. Unfortunately if you don't encourage this adult child to become an adult, you'll be stuck with her living for free for the rest of your life.

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sounds reasonable to me.!

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Sounds to me like she needs to take responsibility for the dog! But I also don't think the dog should be punished for her short comings! Getting rid of the dog could feel like punishment to it especially if it all ready has a loving home! I think you should push her harder before anything rash is done with the dog!

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I would not do anything rash. I would personally find a good home for the dog. Pushing is not an option, and working with it for nearly a year qualifies as enough time spent trying. I'm open to other options.

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I see where your coming from! I'm a dog lover and to tell the truth am thinking mostly about the dogs well being! It's sad that she won't just keep it clean, atleast to keep the dog as part of the family!

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Not unreasonable at all.

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Sounds more then reasonable. I understand you helping her out housing/financial but, she needs some responsibility her dog her responsibility.

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Sounds right to me

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That's a lot more patient than I could have been. Kudos to you. :) You haven't been unreasonable in the least.

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Not at all.

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You've already set the bar so low for this step daughter it will be hard to gain any ground back from her. Put the dog in kennel and let her and mom squeal about it for a couple days. Then once they calm down, tell them the dog is just in kennel and if you let them bring it home you better never see another poop pile. If that doesn't work, put the dog up for adoption.

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Sounds like an idea.... for a divorce :D

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It would work. Sounds like you need to ring their bells for a change instead of them ringing yours.

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I hear you, and I know the bar has been set low - way too low. However, unilateral action is seldom the answer to a problem... it usually creates another one. Unless of course, she refuses the last notice. If she does, then at that point, I will put the dog up for adoption. I do appreciate your words though... allows me to think through things from different angles. Being a step-parent is like trying to get through a minefield that has not been mapped.

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