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It is not possible for me to idolize the spouse of a "severely abusive" parent. The so called idolized parent is also being abusive by not protecting the child and leaving the abuser!

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As a child i idolized my mother. it is only as a teenageri started realizing she was to.blame for not.protecting us and as an adult that i could come to.terms with that enough to speak it out.

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Likewise. Best wishes to you, dear

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you as well.

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Because as a child you do not know any better. Most kids believes their<br />
family is normal until they see others and realize it is completely dysfunctional. To you she was your safe heaven from him, when reality is if she was really protecting you she would have left him. I am sorry to hear about your situation, i hope you have come to terms with the reality of it all to prevent this cycle to repeat itself. I wish you all the best.<br />
Most women stay because of the abusers control over them, the gain of an abuser is to assert complete control over the people around them by using manipulation, threats and violence. There is no love in that sadly. Merely like brainwashing someone, i bet he threatened he would take you if she left, many women had nowhere to go, and financially they were trapped. Many had no idea of where to go for help, abusers always make people isolated and completely dependent on them. Its a terrible situation for all victims involved.

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My mother was the worst. She was straight from hell. She never told me that she loved me. She never told me anything positive and I got straight A's in school from Kindergarten to 8th grade. She never supported me. Always critisized me. I was adopted by my dad when I was 2 years old. He is still my best friend. No matter how good or bad the situation, I have always been able to go to him. I was so glad when he left that lady. I don't even consider her a mother. Any animal can birth. That doesn't make it a mother.

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In my situation, no, I didn't, and I couldn't imagine anyone else either, for the other parents is allowing this horrible abuse to happen and justifying it in their minds.<br />
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It sort of crushes any complete idolization, but it makes you sad as well, because this person who doesn't care that you are being severely hurt is your only hope of change, so you cling to them, but not because you want to. Nor do you have imagine positive aspects about their personality and actions that are nonexistent.

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You are attracted to the control by not wanting to be the victim.. thus becoming the victim

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As a child, I knew and felt only hatred, there was no love in that house, and even into my teens, when I tried to get my mother to leave, and she didn't, I lost any feelings I could possibly have for her, as I then believed she left me in that environment, because she favoured my father over her child. I left home and never saw either of them again for over 40 years, but in my older years, I can now understand my mother lived in a different time, that she had never had the rights of women today, and there was a great shame attached to a failed marriage, not to mention the sick influence of the church which told her she had to stay with her husband when I tried to free her. I finally made contact with her, he was dead, which was a good thing, but she's still alive, she 95 years old and lives completely independently, so she got to have some freedom after he'd passed. I can't say there's a great love there from me, because 40 years was a long time, but she's an old lady and I'm not a bully so I keep in contact, although I live four hours away from her so I can't do a lot other than call her. It was a horrible way to start my life, it damaged me forever, but I survived and did myself proud as a person, but it would have been nice to have been shown some affection, oh well, that's life I suppose.

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