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ItEndsHere ItEndsHere 18-21, F 9 Answers Feb 1, 2013 in Abuse

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It is not possible for me to idolize the spouse of a "severely abusive" parent. The so called idolized parent is also being abusive by not protecting the child and leaving the abuser!

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As a child i idolized my mother. it is only as a teenageri started realizing she was to.blame for not.protecting us and as an adult that i could come to.terms with that enough to speak it out.

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Likewise. Best wishes to you, dear

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you as well.

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Because as a child you do not know any better. Most kids believes their

family is normal until they see others and realize it is completely dysfunctional. To you she was your safe heaven from him, when reality is if she was really protecting you she would have left him. I am sorry to hear about your situation, i hope you have come to terms with the reality of it all to prevent this cycle to repeat itself. I wish you all the best.

Most women stay because of the abusers control over them, the gain of an abuser is to assert complete control over the people around them by using manipulation, threats and violence. There is no love in that sadly. Merely like brainwashing someone, i bet he threatened he would take you if she left, many women had nowhere to go, and financially they were trapped. Many had no idea of where to go for help, abusers always make people isolated and completely dependent on them. Its a terrible situation for all victims involved.

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My mother was the worst. She was straight from hell. She never told me that she loved me. She never told me anything positive and I got straight A's in school from Kindergarten to 8th grade. She never supported me. Always critisized me. I was adopted by my dad when I was 2 years old. He is still my best friend. No matter how good or bad the situation, I have always been able to go to him. I was so glad when he left that lady. I don't even consider her a mother. Any animal can birth. That doesn't make it a mother.

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Codependency. It's a desire for comfort without the evil, other than pretending things will get better.

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In my situation, no, I didn't, and I couldn't imagine anyone else either, for the other parents is allowing this horrible abuse to happen and justifying it in their minds.



It sort of crushes any complete idolization, but it makes you sad as well, because this person who doesn't care that you are being severely hurt is your only hope of change, so you cling to them, but not because you want to. Nor do you have imagine positive aspects about their personality and actions that are nonexistent.

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You are attracted to the control by not wanting to be the victim.. thus becoming the victim

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