To add more details: We are married. Had a healthy sex life. Are living together, but sleeping in separate rooms. Have deep respect for one another. We are trying to see what way to approach a permanent arrangement; with our kid’s emotions and feelings at heart and interest. He is in love with me, and I love him (just not in love anymore).
unpredictablyme unpredictablyme 31-35, F 23 Answers Dec 12, 2008

Your Response


If you are talking about with your husband...then I think it probably would defeat the whole purpose of a separation...It's to sort your feelings figure out your game plan, and to clear your can't do that if you are having sex with him.

If you are talking about with someone else, then I say no....because you are still bound to your spouse by law, and by your vows in front of God. In my opinion, that would still be infidelity.

Best Answer

Since he is in love with you, but you not with him, I would think that is unfair to his feelings for you. That's leading him on. I don't think most people, who are in love, can separate that love from the act.

A couple years ago, I was in a relationship for over a year. He was afraid of fully committing and we "semi" broke up. But, we were still having sex. I still kept feeling as if the relationship would work because he obviously still cared about me. I realized later that although he did still care for me, continuing to have sex was prolonging the inevitable.

If you are planning on divorce, and still care for each other, that is the best possible situation. I would suggest that you and your husband start seeing a family counselor right away. You both are postponing the inevitable and he may still be holding on. You have to let him go so he can start moving on and realizing that it's over.

I would also suggest that once you talk to the counselor, ask them about telling your kids the right way. You can then move on and start co-parenting. This way you still support each other and it will be a much smoother transition.

But, you should stop having sex - that's what a separation is. No more involvement with the other partner. Hope this helps!

Best Answer

nope..... i mean if you can have your cake and eat it to then why would you do anything different.

unless you are just looking for a good time and kick him out of bed right after... maybe even put a 20 on the night stand and walk out ...

Best Answer

I was in a separation period with my wife and we still engaged in sex on occasions. Everyone needs the human touch. You are co habitating so if it happens I don't see the harm. You are still married. If you are seeing someone else then don't have sex with your husband! If you aren't seeing someone else, have all the sex you want with your husband. If he sees it's only sex and not love then he'll get the picture. A lot of people equate sex with love but they are two separate issues. Just for the record, you may regain your lost love for him if you take it slow and digest your feelings a little at a time.

I had fallen out of love with my wife and re-discovered it while working through my separation, sex and all.

Good luck.

Best Answer

Sometimes love fades. don't walk away from someone just because you "fell out of love." Wait a while, try to make things happen. I have seen many women who think their husband should be a white knight, riding a white horse and making them happy. then on the other side are those guys who think their wife should cater to them body and soul. Why not pretend to love him again, to be in love again. Try to stir some passion into the relationship. He is the father of your children - you need to give it a try. If it doesn't work out , , , , Good luck.

Best Answer

Marriage is basically about love, trust, intimacy, and all what comes along.

Being married means having all of them or at least some and trying to achieve some.

Here is the question, during your current relationship status, will you or your husband have a relationship, with another person given that there is affection maybe??

If the answer is yes, then you are actually hurting your marriage in front of your kids, leaving them with the idea that marriage is not that of an important commitment!

May god help you chose to do whats best!

Best Answer

If your husband is still in love, but you aren't, I would say no for the time being. To me, sex is the closest you can get to someone you love, and that might lead him on (unless his views on sex are different that that). A good talk would be best, so you two can hash out your feelings, and then maybe come to some sort of agreement about sex if you still want to be separated.

As for sex with someone else, I would also say no, just because you two are still living in the same household. That might complicate things even more.

Good luck!

Best Answer

Being seperated myself, I couldn't with someone else. I am still technically married and believe it should between two people that love each other. Do you mean with your estranged spouse or with someone else?

Best Answer

if your married then you married . Its that simple. Wait till its finalized.

Best Answer

only if you both understand that it's nothing else but that or else it would just be a big o mess if he thinks that u might still want to stay with him...if you just leave it as respect for each other nd no intercourse u get used to that idea...if you guys decide to then maybe u would want to do it on a daily basis because not only you are telling you and your husband that its fine but if your kids find out you will be giving them false hope....

Best Answer

YES!! I believe we are designed for sex.

But, have "wasted" too many years with that same attitude. Not wanting to cause pain coz of love. Keep that but work something out. "Meat is meat and man must eat."

I realize that doesnt "free" 1 to do as you may wish but, step out and get some.

Best Answer

It's purely a personal choice--I wouldn't-and don't-I'm in the same exact situation as you--love him as the father of my children-definitely not as a husband-he knows it-so I would say--sex for sex--well--that's not my thing-but-I guess it's a to each is own.

Best Answer

My opinion and that's all it is!

As long as you are living together, no! But once you are truely pysically and legally sederated and living apart, well I think that's a different story! But you have to decide for yourself what you can live with. Also if you spouse was of a mind to try and get custody of you kids, you need to be very descrete! He could use that against you in court!

Best Answer

Sure why not? There probably wasn't any before the separation, so why not have some afterward?

Best Answer

Thats entirely up to you and your husband. Is your separation permanent or not? There are lots of different factors that need to be considered. it could go either way, but if its a permanent break, i don't think there should be.

Best Answer

Well - I think it depends on many factors.

1. Were you intimate, etc. prior to the separation?

My husband and I are separated and were barely intimate prior to this, but we still live in the same house which makes for an interesting combo.

2. Why did you separate?

My husband's drinking and us not getting along - so there is a lot of anger between us, and even if he descended from heaven today all sparkly and shiny with a magnificent penis I wouldn't have sex with him

3. How are your emotions - do you know what you want, do you keep going back and forth, do you believe you made the right decision, etc.

I separated with my husband because he would not seek treatment. This was the last straw. When he quit again, then went back to therapy - I just was done. I need time to clear my head, really decide what I want and what the bottom line is. Sex brings a lot of emotions with it, and for me, I would probably have sex, he would want me to think our life is gumdops and roses and nothing would change.

So - in my case, NO. No way - unless something MAJOR happened (not holding breath).

But in your case - after reading your posts, etc. sounds like you two still love each other.

I think sex blurs the line too much.

Best Answer

Uh, I would think if you're having sex with your soon-to-be ex, it would make things very complicated. On the other side, if you're having sex with someone else - just keep it on the down low til the divorce is over with.

Best Answer

If your goal is to work things out and get back together, I'd think sex would be fine. If your goal is to break up permanently, and you are just using him to satisfy your sexual needs, then I say stop. He's probably thinking he still has a chance if you're still having sex with him and you are really just leading him on and playing games.

Best Answer

If you can manage intercourse while sleeping in separate rooms I'll be very impressed!

Best Answer

no way i'd let my husband near me with that thing, but i think a lot of people continue sex with their soon to be ex.... so long as the intent is to not reconcile, you are golden. NOW, sex with someone else!! Sure, why not? I think the law considers it infidelity and god considers it adultery, but what the hell! good luck:)

Best Answer

Related Questions