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I married my love of 10 years. but every since we got married, our relationship has taken a turn for the worse. My partner and I don\'t like each other but we love each other. WE have that love/hate relationship... but we both are stubborn and try to hurt each other by saying hurtful things. I feel that just cuz she is the bread winner, that i am her slave to things. yes she buys me things here an there, and she ever gets anything for herself cuz she always pay all the bills and makes sure our child is taken care of... but on decisions, i have no say. she always has to have the last word, and there is no communication between us... and if there is communication, it\'s only arguing and yelling. We love each other but now it\'s to the point were we don\'t feel that love is enough anymore. She blames it on me and i blame it on her. Did i make a mistake? or is marriage like this in the beginning.. We have only been married since june of 2013.
sdcleaningsvcs sdcleaningsvcs 26-30, F 17 Answers Jan 8 in Dating & Relationships

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marriage has been known to ruin many relationships

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Hey that's not going to help this poor guy...be more considerate!

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Gal*

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my marriage was good then went bad, its a crap shot with other people, you dont know until you know

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That's what happened to me to. It was definitely a mistake to get married

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really? how long did it take you to realize it? i mean don't get me wrong... i love her unconditionally, and she loves me too. we have a child together and wanted to expand our family more. it's just we don't get along... we fight over stupid things which turn into a big fight... and ends up with feelings getting hurt, us not speaking for a few days, and then i get depressed... like right now.. we are fighting over a note.. and she then said some really hurtful things and now we are going on day 2 of not speaking... so i donno what to do or say anymore. she tells me that she is sorry that she can't be the person i want her to be when in all actuality, i just want her to love and appreciate me.

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Unfortunately it didn't take long to realize it, I just didn't do anything about it because I thought things would get better through time...it didn't...it got worse. Now a divorce would put me in the poor house so now I just have to live with it. Generally marriage is a bad thing for the one who is expected to make the most money. It's just too bad I know that now and not when I decided to get married.

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yea same here.. if we get a divorce it would be me and the child struggling... i don't want to leave her... i just want to be happy with her... i love her. she makes me happy, but the arguing that we do and the disagreements are bruital... i just want everything to be okay but i can't help but feel like i'm working more on this marriage than she is..

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she feels that everything is on her shoulders as far as money and the bills... which for right now it is.. but she knows that i've been looking and struggling to find work to help her but it's like that's not good enough...

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Same here, I'm the one doing everything...and it's making me sick. I think aftger a while the one making the least knows they will make the most in a divorce so they figure they can take advantage of you. I just want everything to be ok to...20 years worth...but it won't be. She's a totally different person than I married...I want what I married not her!

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see, i know the type of person she is... but there was something that happened to her in her last relationship that put a bad taste in her mouth and to be honest with you, i feel that i am being punished for whatever her last relationship did to her. she is still the same person when we were dating and when we got married, it's just... maybe we are getting too comfortable with each other in just letting any and everything come flying out of our mouths to each other. i dono.

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3 More Responses

you sure did purdy girl

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im sorry to say hun but I think you have answered your own question there.

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yes a very big one.

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Not necessarily. Marriage takes even more work than a relationship. Work harder.

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Maybe he's just trying to adjust to married life?

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Maybe you did. You might be another one of those people that were not meant to marry or marry yet. <br />
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Your story is as tragic as it is common and doubly so when kids are involved, and I can relate. It's true that marriage takes A LOT of work, but I'm sure you could put your head through a wall with enough work, but are you really better off for it? I wish you the best of luck.

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you might not have made a mistake; you may have both gotten married thinking that you're home free now, no need to spice things up anymore. But marriage takes effort and hard work to keep it alive, and it's not uncommon for couples to take each other for granted or assume they don't have to do what they did before to woo each other. You both need to set time aside for the both of you to just relax and focus on your relationship.

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Have you discussed this with your husband?<br />
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We don't know anything about your marriage.

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i've updated the info

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How long were you friends before you started dating ?

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not very long... we met when we were in our teens, had a relationship for about 4 years, then broke up and had been searching for each other for over 10 years... and now that we had reconnected, we got married. our love story is so sweet... it's your idea lifetime story that you would see on tv. so why is it so hard for us to get alone? we both no we love each other, but now it's like that love isn't enough

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Hmmm...that's a tough one to answer. Since you knew each other and dated previously what has changed about yourself that seems to be causing the riff ? The time away from each other seems to be the deciding factor. How long did you date after you reunited ?

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we dated for about 2 years before we got married. and to answer the 'what changed in me' is that i have became very depended on her. i used to be very independent as a single mother, but when she stepped into my life again, i placed it all on her which i know was wrong of me... but she didn't mind cuz when we were together in our teens, i was the sole one that took care of both of us for 4 years while she goofed around.. i have became selfish when i married her. i can say that... we aren't struggling that bad with money and bills.. i mean the bills are being met on a monthy basis but we don't have any play money either. we have a 6 year old child and are supposed to try for another next month.... since june when we got married, we had made roles for each other.. she is a workaholic so she decided to be the bread winner... which left me to be the stay at home mom and house wife.. which i love to do... i make sure everything around this house is done and the child is taken care of, as well as do all paperwork and take care of the animals... all she has to do is go to work. but now that we see we want bigger and better things and that she has said she feels the weight of our stress is solely on her, i have been looking for a job to help her with money. seems like the root of our problems is money and non communication... we have got better at the communication part but not where we should be. i like to talk out our problems and she just says 'it is what it is' 'we have an unhealthy relationship' 'this is who we are' and i disagree with her. i feel that we make our relationship the way we want it to be... we fight all the time over stupid stuff.. my hand in that is that i get very emotional when we fight and it angers her. i just feel like the one person i should be able to talk to you or have a honest convo with should be her without it turning into an arguement.

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Co-dependant relationships are poisonous. You need to find a happy medium in your relationship from the sounds of it. Working together to better the cause instead of relegating tasks on one another would be a good start.

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i agree with you. well let me ask you this then... the reason we are not speaking now is this... the other day she said that she was transferring family pictures to her ipod so that she could have her family close to her at work... well as i was making her breakfast and getting her stuff ready for work, i went through her ipod to see the pics of everyone... and out of 48 pics.. not one of them was me.. she had her uncles, sis, bro, mom, step dad, neice, our child, etc but non of them were of me... so i got in my feelings for a minute and told myself.... well, i can do this one of two ways,,, i can go wake her up and yell at her asking her y i wasn't in the photos or i could just simply right i note for her before she leaves for work stating this: 'i went through the pics on your ipod.. you said you wanted to have your family close to you.. i guess i'm not one of those family members..' and then after leaving the note i took our child to school and came back, totally forgot i had written the note, and started deep cleaning our house.. she woke up, read the note, got mad at me and called me childish, and asked me y i couldn't just be adult and ask her about the pics. i explained to her that it wasn't that big of a deal, that i just wrote a note explaining how i felt at the time and then i forgot about it... she got all mad at me saying hurtful things and then stormed out the door. and when i tried to talk to her calmly about it and explain to her that it wasn't that big of a deal, she just kept saying 'ok' 'ok' like she didn't care.. so now we are still not speaking let alone when we do it's with an attitude. i have asked her to stop with this and just let it be and she seems like she can't. ....do you see... it's the stupid things like this that is tearing our marriage apart..

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Like I stated before, co-dependent relationships are poison. Either you find common ground or end it. You will only make yourself miserable and the child will suffer the most. You have some tough choices to make in the very near future.

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3 More Responses

Not enough Information.

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i have updated info

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You say you Love each other but Love isn't enough. Your just Comforting yourself. If you Really love each other you wouldn't be constantly Hurting each other. It isn't that Love isn't enough ,you just don't Love each other Enough. Often people that have been together a long time just stay together for Convenience,or because they are insecure and afraid they can't find anyone else. All marriages have difficulties,but not constantly. You Marry to be HAPPY ,not to be Miserable,but it takes guts to Leave.Some people stay together Miserably their whole Lives.It depends on what KIND of life you want. Good Luck. :)

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It sometimes feels that way, marriage is hard. Have you tried counseling?

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we tried to have her mom cousel us but it only worked for that brief moment.. she does pay all the bills, she does make sure we have everything we need, but i want that honeymoon stage. it's like we never got that. i'm a very affectionate person, i love to show my love and care for others all the time. i am one of those people that you would say put everyone first before herself. she is more of a, 'if it doesn't affect me then i don't care' type of person. we are defenitly two different people. but i though opposites were suppossed to attract?

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You definitely need an impartial counselor not a family member. She sounds like she has "control" issues and you will not be able to change her. Sounds like you guys are doing the "*** for tat" blaming each other and putting eachother down, that will not get better on it's own. It can work but you have to seek professinal help. Not everyone's marriage goes through a honeymoon stage unfortunately but that doesn't mean you cannot have that later when you start resloving your problems and start appreciating each other.

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i totally agree! i have asked her to go to counseling and she states that we dont have the money for it. instead she tells me what is wrong with me that i need to be put on meds cuz i stress out and get depressed alot.... i'm not for taking meds... instead i would rather talk it all out but she is not that way.

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What is worse about it?

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we argue over stupid stuff, and that stupid stuff turns into a big argument. i love her, don't get me wrong. sometimes she tells me that she's sorry she is not the person that i need her to be... when in all actuallity, i just want her to make me feel loved and appreciated. Is it safe to say that i feel lonely but am never alone?

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