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Dunno why, but I've been progressively been getting more depressed today. Honestly, I'm having some (minor, nothing I'd act on) thoughts of suicide. Right now I just don't want to relapse, or add more scars to my body... I wouldn't even be able to count the ones I already have. I just can't stop thinking about my past, and current living situation, no matter how hard I try to distract myself. EDIT: I'm feeling a lot better - not perfect, but good enough, it helped a lot just knowing you guys cared enough to talk. Thanks everyone, even the people with super ****** advice =P JK, you were all wonderful.
SmokeyAlyssa SmokeyAlyssa 18-21, F 19 Answers May 4, 2012

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Pray and ask the Lord God to take you away from that terrible stuff. <br />
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Go to church and receive help from the people there if needed.

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Good for you for reaching out before acting on any of your urges. That's not an easy thing to do sometimes, but it sounds like you truly want help. I struggle w/ some of the same issues, and can give you some of the advice & tips I've been told & try when feeling down. 1- Remember your life does matter. Also that just because (if you have been, that is) hurt by someone in the past - doesn't mean you deserve to cut/still hurt now 2- Remember you are so much stronger than probably even you know 3- Sometimes I try distractions like painting my nails, acting opposite & doing different nice things for my body (even though at the time I definitely do not want to) like, hot showers, lotions, perfumes, or if it's anger I'm feeling holding ice, punching pillows/my punching bag, or looking at funny videos on youtube, OR 4 - If you're still struggling send me an e-mail on here, because sometimes we just need a person to listen, understand, and remind us that we matter. Feel free to do so if you want to :)

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I've never been one to do nice things for my body, I just distract myself, and go online to talk to people (I'd be too scared to talk to someone in person)

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Yeah I know what you mean, because I haven't been one to do very nice things for my body either. That's why I'm trying to start to. I can understand feeling nervous speaking to somebody in person - I used to feel the exact same way. As long as you're doing things that work for you that's great. Feel free to talk to me on here by e-mail or w/e - anytime you need someone!

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I rely on a great support system and have one friend who is my safety net and I am hers. We have a code for when things are bad and have a pact to contact the other one, no matter what. I've also learned that vitamin D3 is a powerful antidote to sudden onset depression. Good luck and let me know if you need to talk!

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As an ex cutter i can tell you this first try expressing your self try getting out your feelings through writing poems and self ex<x>pression write about all the things that you are trying <br />
<br />
to forget then write about how it made you feel when that happened to you ,try making stories about someone that hurt you in the past and since you cant harm them physically without doing jail time do it through words and through writing poems<br />
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example of something that i did in penzu when my ex hurt me<br />
he came in mad as **** he grabbed me by my arm saying to me do this! and do that! i took the cuffs from my purse and i led him seductively to the bed once he was on the bed i quickly cuffed his hands he enjoyed this smiling up at me until i pulled out the knife that i had strapped to my thigh he asked babe where'd you get that knife? with wide eyes and a faded smile now you will feel the pain i felt when you hurt me i replied back then i stabbed him.<br />
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try torture on paper it satisfies me well when hurt, sad or depressed here is my fav site to write on try it no word limit and its free<br />
penzu.com/<br />
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if that doesn't help try these great stress relievers<br />
<br />
http://666games.net/Violent/SubCategories/Action/Torture/

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I really only like to write when I have a creative spark going on in my head, and while those games do look appealing... I just don't feel like playing anything right now. Thank you though, I'm actually an ex-cutter too, I'm just trying to keep the "ex" part. Thanks a lot for the thoughtful reply, it means a lot that so many people are going out of their way to at least try to make me feel better.

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I have a family member who has been thru this...<br />
I wonder if you would try something for me..its crazy but if you have a camera start to take walks and take pictures of things you find pretty or that my intrest you..<br />
Then take your pictures and look at them..find the things that move you..make you see the world in a different light..enjoy the little things in life..I lost my daughter and I know what feeling lost feels like..but you just might find your way when you see the world in a different way..<br />
My family member has moved on to better days..she now has a beautiful family and she make cakes and she enjoys the joy she bring to others thru them..she enjoys the little things..I hope this helps..<br />
If I can help ya...pm me anytime...

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I'm usually stronger than this, but today my emotions just started going out of whack... Kinda wishing I had a camera now... Thanks though.

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Don't worry I'll order you a big package of happy pills to kick your sorrow to the back door. :)

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... I'm trying to stay away from pills right now?

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I think you need to learn how to let go, that stuff is gone and buried. You can only move forward Alyssa, trust me I know. My past was painful too but I had to persevere and find the strength and will-power to go on with life and smile, it may not sound like the easiest thing in the world to achieve. But don't dwell over it, give it time since it heals all eventually and you'll be able to fight back the darkness.
Anyway is there anybody you can turn to for help? There's always someone.

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I don't have any close friends, and the few friends that I do have I wouldn't want them to know of my current mental state, especially since I've known them for just a couple months.

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Are you kidding me? A couple of months is A LOT of time to know your friends, granted friends never last that long unless you pick em right. But I think if you tell them this will be a testament to your friendship, if they seem to not care or give you BS then they aren't your friends. If your bond is true, they will see this through with you to the bitter end.

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I have trust issues, mainly because as a child everyone who I trusted, and looked up to, ended up hurting me repeatedly... See my confessions (linked in the details of the question) for more details.

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I most definitely will. But please don't commit suicide it's never the end of life for you, just find a reason to live, ANYTHING I don't care what it is but you can't kill yourself. You'll wind up like all the others who slit their throats to serve Satan in hell. You don't wanna give up do you? It's not completely hopeless just find the right help, look up phone numbers, references, anything you can find. Help is always out there Alyssa just gotta know where to look. :)

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I'm in the same place as you are. Hang on to the hope of becoming what you want to be weather its drug free or successful even when you think it can never be. It will come true if you keep thinking it will.

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I'm really terrible at "thinking it will" when I get like this. I just tend to rapidly degrade... I'll try though.

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i know but its important to keep that flame alive. Its hard for me too trust me

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Yea listen **** all the nasty condeming n judgemental people in this world learn 2 see the beauty intelligence and worthyness of ur gud self n start 2 enjoy the beauty of your world take a trip 2 ur nearsst wood/forest or seaside or hill wotever no u r not alone we also feel ailenated like u but that is something we have 2 go thjough it makes us stronger u r special believe mate

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I chuckled when I read this, thanks... Your spelling is so terrible it's funny &lt;3

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Well i do my best 2 please but i am dyslexic

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Sorry if I offended you =X

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well.. ive been down that road. i almost commmitted suicide. until my bestfriend walked in and stopped me... what i do. is i write in a journal. everything im feeling... or i read a good book

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I don't really have close friends... and I really don't have the motivation to get up from this chair and get my notebook. =X

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Happiness is a choice! Make it yours. I always remember this "I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes until I saw the man with no feet"

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If happiness was a choice, then I wouldn't have ******* grown up with the family that I did. Abusive dad, completely detached and insane mother. I didn't choose that, just like I have no way of moving out of my mother's house given my financial situation.

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It was your situation not your happiness that you were in. Most of us don't get to choose but we can choose how to cope with it either constructive or destructive. Depends on you how to handle it.

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I don't have any experience with coping with things in a healthy manner, in fact I wouldn't even know where to start.

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coping doesn't come from experience it comes from desire.

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You CAN change things! Don't just be a victim. Depressed? Go help someone.. do a kindness for someone, and the depression goes away like magic. Exercise helps, too. Stand up for yourself. There are people who can help you if you will honestly reach out.

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Already went for a jog today, too tired/lethargic to do anything else. And I do try to help people here, but right now I'd likely do more harm than good.

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Why, Alyssa? Tell me why hurting yourself feels good? You want to take control, hit back, I understand that. But harming yourself isn't the way, long term..you're obviously not a dummy, you know this, right?

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Cutting, for example, releases endorphins, which are essentially the body's painkillers... They release a feeling of euphoria.

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For god's sake, honey... just smoke a bowl! It would be a lot less harmful, I think. Please don't put more marks on your lovely skin... how will you explain this to your lover one day?

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Please, my ankles don't even have skin anymore, it's like pure scar tissue. Plus, I don't have any weed (the one drug I'd be willing to do), so yeah.

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Is there no one near that you trust... trhat you have fun with? You need to get out of this funk; do something, anything to divert your mind. Do you have music? Do you read? That's what always got me through; I played guitar and read. It's wonderful to escape for a while.

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3 More Responses

yea watch a funny movie

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Comedy when I'm in this state of mind usually just annoys me, thanks anyway though.

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