I could go on and on writing about how childhood bullying still affects me as an adult, so I will try to condense it. <br />
I was a shy child, smaller and a year younger than most of my classmates. I also went to school where most of the kids lived in very rough circumstances. I was overprotected and my parents were also quiet and not assertive, so I already was at a disadvantage before I ever walked into the school. The real harmful bullying did not begin until 6th grade. Ever since, I have been battling depression, anxiety, substance-abuse, etc. I have recently discovered I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, after years of being treated for Bipolar Disorder! I have endured a lifetime of emotional pain from the bullying. It pretty much took over my life and because of it I know that I didn't succeed very much. I became a loner. I didn't want to get involved with things. I became hyperfocused on my children being mistreated by others and overreacted at times or didn't react enough. I am suspicious of other people and I always watch for them to bully me, also. I am 49 years old and I am still afraid! I've had numerous therapists and been on nearly every med in the book. I became an addict in an attempt to rid myself of my pain and feel happier, because after the bullying, I had alot of trouble experiencing or expressing any pleasurable emotions. In one sentence: Bullying has pretty much taken a talented, capable, attractive person and turned her into a miserable, depressed, fearful shell of her former self. It ruined my life. I am still looking for peace.
i too have been chasing psychiatry for years and have been medicating for bipolar. i tend to blame mania for my rage episodes. i just logged onto Facebook tonight and saw that a girl I grew up with was connected to one of the worst of the bullies and it made me want to throw up. it actually makes me happy, sometimes, to see that his life hasn't gone very far. im a 41 year old woman ... still having to prove myself. i am sick of it. i never talk about it but if it does come up, i come undone. i too am hyperfocused on my child being mistreated. i want peace too.
I am 48 & feel exactly the same. To make matters worse Im married to a narcissist who (until recently) I thought was the love of my life. He has been a horrid person to me 25 yrs & because of my childhood traumas & bullying I thought I had no self esteem & felt blessed that a man even wanted me as his wife. I clammered for any spec of emotional sweet crumbs he would throw me. I still dont know who I am because Ive been so busy being what he wanted. I too just seek peace....
A footnote to my previous answer: I was a scared kid, too shy and frightened to defend myself from bullies. I wish I could advise the special ed kids I teach to hit back and shove back. But a lot of parents do not want their kids to do that, so I don't say that. Not feeling sorry for myself, but bullying is an experience that takes away a person's self-respect and feeling of worthiness.
I too was a shy child n got bullied when i was a kid till i was a teen but im 23 now & trying to over come it, my religion has given me peace so i feel like i overcome it but i still have moments where i feel im about to be bullied when im in a group or get a look, but i dont care anymore, cuz i know now that nobody can do anything to me unless i let them, i feel i let go of the past but still its with me sometimes but i hope i & u all will be fine & overcome it
Teach the child to be on the outside of the issues. that's the best way.
all women who are with narcissists should be rid of them the next available second! 48, You, are headed into the best years of your life, be done with him.
This!!! This!!! Oh my god, this is so well written. This is my life. Thank god I am not alone!!!
Reading these comments is a bit heartbreaking. People walking around wounded from something that happened many years ago... without the tools to help let it go. CBT--tried it, all it did was make me feel frustrated that now I knew I "shouldn't" feel like this anymore, but had no tool to break that bondage to the trauma.<br />
I was bullied in public school (by teacher, principal, and fellow students), I won't go into detail but even though it was only for a year, it left a deep mark. I'm 44 now and have only within the past year been able to disconnect from the trauma. I still have work to do but my quality of life and well-being is exceptionally better, it's miraculous. <br />
I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD and anxiety about 9 years ago. I had a psychiatrist, a psycotherapist who specialized in PTSD, among other self-help stuff that didn't help at all. None of it made a dent, rather it just stirred up the memories and made me rawer emotionally than I've been since I was 12.<br />
It's a lot of suffering to deal with PTSD, try to live in a world that constantly triggers you and you have very little choice about how you feel or respond because the trauma is so entrenched that the reaction occurs before you even have time to think about it.<br />
What I have learned in the past year that has helped me on the road to real recovery is that I am not broken. Nobody broke me. My brain has actually been working exceptionally well at doing what it believes is protecting me. When we are bullied, it is a traumatic event that is perceived as (and often is) dangerous and the acute emotion ensures this memory is stored firmly, along with the emotion of the time. As you get older, this memory is used as a gauge by our brain, and whenever it encounters anything similar to the original bullying event (even someone looking at you sideways) provides support to our subconscious that we are in danger. Our brains are designed this way to protect us. It sharpens our senses to the point where things that are no longer dangerous are perceived as dangerous. We are prisoners, constantly cued to detect and perceive danger at the slightest provocation. We are powerless, it seems, simply moving through life, getting triggered and feeling all the same old feelings over and over again.<br />
What we need to do is eliminate the negative emotion that secured the trauma in our brains in the first place. I've found a couple of ways to do this, though I am sure there are many more (EMDR comes to mind, google it if you haven't heard of it). One of the things that helped me is WHEE, check that out too. The other, most impactful tool I've found is called FasterEFT. Many free videos on youtube that instruct you how to free yourself. The idea basically is to rehears the trauma and then interrupt the emotion with acupressure stimulation. You learn how to quickly move from the trauma memory to a positive feeling simultaneously. The good feeling quickly replaces the negative emotion and yo
Sorry, my comment got cut off. Continued from the previous comment:
The good feeling quickly replaces the negative emotion and you are trauma-free. By interrupting the negative emotion with a positive strong emotion you "collapse" the negative emotion and it is gone. Believe it or not, you can then recall the memory and instead of feeling bad, you actually feel GOOD. You actually KNOW at this point with emotional proof that the trauma is OVER. When you have accomplished this, you will notice that people don't look at you sideways anymore. You will notice that the pressure in your chest and shoulders has lifted. You are provoked to tears over seemingly minute things anymore. People can talk about bullying and it doesn't make you feel sad. You stop rehearsing the old trauma in your mind because there is no power left in it anymore.
An example. I have always had difficulty with authority figures, especially if they are critiquing my work. Criticism has always triggered me deeply--makes me feel like I'm an idiot, worthless, stupid, piece of crap, you name it. One night I worked used the FasterEFT acupressure method and rehearsed a memory of an abusive female teacher (she called me an idiot, punched me in the head and knocked me on the floor for laughing in class, threw chalk at me, told me I wasn't smart enough to go to advanced level in high school). When I got the worthless feeling from rehearsing the memories, I interrupted that with the acupressure and then immersed myself in a good peaceful feeling. Back and forth, in the trauma memory, then out of it and into the peaceful feeling, all while doing the acupressure. In about half an hour, I could rehears the trauma and not feel worthless. In my mind the memory shifted and the teacher apologized to me. I forgave her, and I forgave myself for holding onto the trauma and beating myself up with it all these years. I felt GOOD. No matter how I tried to drudge up the bad feeling, I couldn't.
The next day, and every day since (about 8 months now) I have zero triggers or bad feelings around my boss. It is nothing short of miraculous. Just using a simple technique in half an hour I undid the power of a memory that has kept me triggered for more than 30 years.
Thank you. Im going to research your information & start immediately
Did you find anything that helped? I totally forgot about this site and just logged on today and read my old message, along with the others. I hope you are doing well. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know.
I would like to say that all the comments that I have read here have made me realise that I'm not on my own. I didn't have a happy childhood and bullying was part of the problem. I was brought up on put downs and any negative comment by the people who were suppose to care to the teachers at school were believed. Although I didn't welcome names and comments I just accepted it.<br />
As an adult I am walked over if I allow it. I'm too nice for my own good. I'm paranoid and feel hated by everyone. Making friends is a nightmare because I can't seem to make the connection with people. I find myself trying to contact old friends but that only makes me feel better for a short time because I live miles away from them.<br />
I'm constantly going over past social events and wondering if I have offended anyone. Will they talk to me again?<br />
My son is in junior school and I worry about the friends he has or doesn't. I hurt for him when he is not invited to parties.<br />
Anyone reading this would think it hilarious and that I should pull myself together.<br />
I'm in my forties and I think will I ever be rid of the loneliness that I feel everyday.<br />
Past events disable you and no matter how many depression tablets i pop or counciling i receive I can't shake this secret hell that I'm in.<br />
I will try the suggestions given on this page. I know I am a good and kind person and I know that believing in myself is difficult when I have a mental recording inside me that hinders any progress.
i understand completely. Everything you've written, i feel too. I left school 20 years ago but it hasnt gone away and i really struggle with people still. I wish i had a magic answer to all this, but i dont :(
Am trying CBT currently, so we'll see. take care
MY highschool years were horrible lol and to make matters worse the teachers were pretty horrible also. My small engines teacher was an alcholic who drank to excess while teaching, my history teacher was ******* on of the students and it was well known by all including the teachers he would drive her home after school well I dont think she went home! The geography teacher was very physical to the point of hitting and chocking students me for one until one day I hit back and landed a good one and knoched him out and I was the one who got kicked out. Oh well those were the early 70s. I hope that those teachers reflect often on thier abuse!!
I think it makes you stronger maybe not better. I have been bullied all my life sadly in relationships with men, my parents, colleagues, at school and at work even friends and in-laws<br />
. I was sexually abused as a toddler and was extremely withdrawn which makes you a target for bullies. My question is why is it still happening to me now at 47?<br />
I did not answer the question as you can see, I had my own question.
When children are bullied, why is it that the bullied child is the one considered to have the problem? I'm 65 and I'm still grappling with that question.
I always wondered that too. I was always told because I'm so quiet that is why I was picked on and should speak up. What a load of crap.
I was bullied most of my life im 23, my nick name in high school was shrek, im still bullied today by random people on the street as a result I have no friends and I live most of my life in the house as im scared to go out in public. I have depression and im suicidal. ... how have I coped? Self mutilation, drinking and smoking
Its a Saturday and I woke up feeling pretty good. But as usual, the random emotion of depression wandered about and smacked me in my face. I found myself crying for no reason at all. But I've often read,that when you find yourself getting sad...you have to ask "Why am I sad now?" I started to think of my childhood. I often feel very resentful of the kids I went to schoool with. I'm 28 yrs old now and I guess you can say I'm very shy, nice, easy going personlity. I'm very pretentious on to how I come off to ppl. I guess its because of the bullying I endured as a child.
I remember as a little girl in the 8th grade I had a hard time growing my hair...as a result, I wore wigs. I wassitting in class and as usual the other kids were very rowdy. The teacher was teaching to kids who did not care to learn. I was minding my own buisness when all of a sudden I heard a group of boys sitting behind me contemplating if I was wearing a wig or not. Internally, I became very nervous. I looked at the clock hoping that somehow that the bell would magically ring. That's when I heard the "ringleader" say "I dare. You to do it." Before youknow it, I felt one of them tugging at my wig. The class roared with laugfther. I was mortified and yelled "stop". But then I felt tugging from different directions. To my relief the bell rang. I was chaperoned to the guidence counselor by the useless teacher who did not try to stop the incident. I cried my eyes out to the unsympathetic counselor as she stared at me emotionless. I did not get a hug or a "its going to be okay." She was so cold. As I sat there, I saw one of the boys who did one of the tuggings at the front desk through her office window. He glanced at me and I saw a look of worry and regret on his face.
This incident was one of the worse bullying I've encountered, at the same school, I even had one teacher call me a horse. It was absolutely terrible growing up. Now, as a adult I have yet to have a college degree. The reason being, is because I suck in math. Growing up, I was always so terrified with being teased that learning was the last thing on my mind. I'm suffering now because of it. I can't even do elementary math. (Sighs) I wish there was some kind of magic pill that I could take for all the years missed out on education. I'm academically stunted.
glanced at me, and I saw a look of regret and worry on his face..
Hi, I'm probably going to post my own story down near the bottom, haven't yet decided yet. But I read through yours and just felt like giving you two things. First of all a *hug*! I don't know you but I feel your pain, I've been there and I hope your getting help with the mental suffering...
I can't help with that. But perhaps I can help you with the academical part of your problem. My pill to you sadly doesn't contain a time machine (if it had I'd probably used it to travel to the past, high five my young self and kicked some bully ***! ^_^ ), but at least you can learn now what you neglected then.
This place is a free website (there are no fees (hidden or otherwise) anywhere, ever), it primarily teaches math but is moving into other scientific areas as well.
It has a very easy to use interface and is designed to give instant feedback to the different math problems it tasks you with. It also includes video descriptions for all the different subjects so you can go back and watch a problem being solved and explained by the people running the site. I've personally learned a lot from using it.
I hope you can use it, and have a wonderful life!
I know exactly how it feels to be bullied about your looks..I hate seeing photos of myself and i too have been told by random girls that im ugly. How coped ...self improvement i workout,cardio and squats and crunches. Gym helps! i dont smoke, i hardly drink but when i do i get plastered, i buy all the expensive makeup brands, i dont drink fizzy drinks, i drink pints and pints of water. Nothing feels good enough though but i do feel a hell of a lot better about how i look than i did before. I also have depression and have thought of suicide. im going to counselling and slowly starting to believe that im not ugly anymore and that i do have something to live for. Im sure you are or can be the same ! <3
That's sad. I'm sorry to hear it. You don't look like Shrek! No one does! When I was 15, I was told that I looked like the "Honey monster", from an advertisement, but, I was quite a good looking 15 years old girl, but because I'd been bullied since the age of 5, I felt bad about myself. It's strange that we believe these absurd things about ourselves that are told to us by people who hate us! Go out! Don't let them spoil your life, they're not worthy of your life! Seeing that this was written 2 years ago, I hope that things have improved for you! XX
I'm 60 and I haven't. Bullied constantly from 9th grade to graduating HS by a pack of boys, cost me my selfesteem and the ability to look forward to any real goals in life. I just wanted to get away and hide. Teachers ignored what was going on and socalled friends turned on me. All of this led to drug abuse in my twenties to escape.I have never gotten my life together consistently.<br />
Unfortunately, suicide looks more and more like how I will end my life. Would prefer a natural death, but starting over at 60 with limited funds sucks. Hope it turns out otherwise for me, but if it doesn't I'll be at peace with it, more or less.<br />
When I see kids violently acting out against their school or hurting themselves, I know why. I know a lot of what they're feeling inside. I managed to live out most of my life, but inside I can still feel it. It never went away. Before the bullying, I never thought about ending my life. Since it happened, I've seriously thought about it maybe 4 times. Like now. I feel I will be relieved when I can put this life behind me.
Please don't do that. I totally understand how difficult it is to live with the trauma of being bullied, but read my post up above. There are ways to remove the emotional power from those memories that cause you so much pain. Memories only feel real because of the emotions that are stored and make them feel real. Once you remove the old negative emotions, the memories will lose their negative power and will fade away to their rightful place: the past. It is possible to be happy from now on. If you need to talk, hit me up. It's ok. You were put on earth for a reason, and it wasn't to be bullied. You are a masterful creation. If I can help at all, please let me know.
I grew up in a small town; the clicks one might belong to were limited. I was the fat girl that pronounced her "s" differently and developed hyperhidrosis in grade four. For those unfamiliar with hyperhidrosis, it's excessive sweating. In my case it was my thighs, hands, and feet. Needless to say, I was continually made fun of from the time I got on the bus until I got home at the end of the day. This all started on the second day of grade one and tapered out in grade six. I was called everything imaginable relating to weight and mocked for the way I speak. If the sweating was noticed in class, someone would often announce it and a disgusted reaction was always received. I was pushed in mud and on ice, down the hills, spit on, and excluded for being single. This seems trivial in the elementary years but one of my most vivid memories was of the class, frequently running to the benches at the end of the ba<x>seball field, and sitting with their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" on the bench. They'd even pair up with best friends to make their point. This was a game they played because I was overweight and couldn't keep up. By the time I reached them, they had filled the bench, even lying across it. I was told that no one wants me because I was fat and ugly, often spoken with the mocking pronunciation of the "s". I'd go back to the tire swing and cry for the remainder of the lunch break. Teachers never sided with me; they called me a tattle-tale or tell me to stop crying. If I fought back the teachers cared then, but not in my favor. I later turned to cutting myself as a means self-punishment and distraction. I also grew up with a controlling and neglectful dad but that's another conversation.<br />
Today, I'm diagnosed with Complex PTSD and currently on the anti-depressant, Cipralex and the muscle relaxant, Mylan-Clonazepam to help with social anxiety. This is not the first time I have been on anti-depressants; a few years ago I was taking Paxil but discontinued due to complete emotional numbing. The hyperhidrosis is still in full swing which greatly interferes with social encounters. Currently 27 years old, I can say I've never been in a relationship because I'm terrified of the vulnerability and potential judgement. I struggle to make close friends though acquaintances are not a problem. Part of my self-therapy over the years was always to focus on academics. I often feel disassociated in my maturity between being an old soul and that scared first grader. I am bitter, for many reasons, and I have trust issues as well as high social anxiety but I've gotten to a point where I feel I might be ready to see a therapist and put a silver lining on all of this. <br />
Currently studying sport and recreation management, I'm working on becoming a certified personal fitness trainer. Had I not been bullied I don't know what route I would have taken. I find solace in keeping animal company; volunteering with the SPCA offers
I was bullied all the way through primary and secondary school, as well qas being emotionally and physically abused at home by my mum. I started to fail in school whereas before I had excelled, attempted suicide at 14, and left school with nothing useful to better myself with.15 years on, I've suffered depression, can't speak to other people and have a very hard time even leaving the safety of my house. The best thing I did was cut my mother out of my life but I have no idea who I am, what I'm supposed to do, can't even make decisions. I tried CBT but couldn't bear being so close to a stranger. I wish I could be normal for my kids sake but people underestimate the long term damage bullying has, particularly if the bullied have no support from anywhere.
from Hans&Fritz<br />
No I don't feel it is possible to put bullying behind you. Like yourself, I have had therapy but was always given meds, too. I was bullied throughout my school life, from elementary school through college. It seems that most students who were bullied were not bullied in college, but that has not been my experience, nor that of some others I have seen. I am now a teacher, and when I happen to be walking in the hall and the kids are changing classes, I still get that oldtime feeling: anxiety, fear of them pushing me, hitting me, shoving me aside and telling me to get out of the way, you ----head, or worse names. I try, I do try to put<br />
it behind me, but I just don't know. Anyway, I send good thoughts your way.
I was a slight kid that took a lot of crap from my contemporaries in elementary and middle school. I have a lot of anger over being thin today and a little peace in the fact that they are all overweight slobs with impending heart conditions. Yes, I am still angry. There...I said it and I don't take it back. Its not going anywhere.
In my experience the advice given by - StandUp2Bullies - is the worst advice that you can give to any child who is being bullied. My father told me the same thing. The problem is, if you do try and fight back and you "fail" for any reason, (In my case, because they are bigger than you and there are more of them than you), you have let your father down and yourself down. I was so ashamed I could not tell him what had happened. It's very hard to climb out of that hole. I'm now 50 and have only just been diagnosed with PTSD from being bullied at school. I keep telling myself that my father meant well, but back then all I could think of was that I'd let him down. I can see now that I was totally outnumbered, but back then I saw myself as weak. In our society a man is not allowed to be weak. A man is not allowed to lose a fight, even if the odds are against him (most popular movies (e.g. Jack Reacher) perpetuate that myth). My father passed away 15 years ago, so we can't have this conversation. I'm not sure how you overcome the long term effects of something like this, (it still keeps me awake at night), but what I do know is, telling your child to fight back with violence of any kind is the wrong thing to do!!!!!!
As a kid, I escaped by living in my own world: reading, crafting, drawing, climbing trees, rollerskating, learning the violin. I sought out wholesome "poultices" for my soul.<br />
But to this day, I'm an outsider; some of that roots in my being an INTJ, but a good deal of it goes back to having always been taunted and rejected in American grade school. It leaves you scarred for life, even if you're not a total cripple. ;)
I am 50. I was bullied in the late 60's thru the 70's. It was so bad. I never told my mom or mommy(my mom and grandma) it was so bad. They even broke into our house and stole my swimming trophies. I was so loved at home. I couldn't tell
To be honest I am not sure i have ever really dealt with it. Cope yes. To start drinking was my way. Then sex then gambling then running away. <br />
Here I am, 60 years old with nothing as I could never stand and take abusive behavior at work etc. I have had 100 jobs and am starting a new one again tomorrow. <br />
As I look back at the bullying by parents, alcoholism and beatings and emotional abuse, I can see why I react. I recovered from acoholism, gambling and sexual women excursions. <br />
I gave my life to Jesus and now he is my hope and where I cope. I spend much time worshiping him and trying to believe he always loves me inspite of every tiny little thing i do wrong. Sometimes it is all I can do and other times he has to do some incredible thing to make realize it is true, again and again. <br />
I chased money for success to PROVE I was not just some welfare brat as the kids in school called me. I have recently come to see i could never quite grab hold of it as I was always running from success and abusive personalities in my work place. <br />
I turned to helping others overseas and thought that might do it. However, at the same time I married a filipina who is now dying. This has been a horror show for me. Three marriages, one son born with a terrible disease, now my wife dying of an incredible disease. <br />
Overcame sexual abuse, physical abuse, alcoholism, gambling and sex addiction, overcame my mothers suicide, my dads emotional abuse and some religious abuse. By overcome --- I am still here. <br />
I don't drink, drug or want to kill myself. However, the thing i have not been able to overcome is all the grief and loss. I did find going to the Philippines where people are so different and they respect the white people did something to me. They acutally like me !!! Many times because they think so highly of us. Others because they want us to help them. They think they can get from me. <br />
The most profound experience was when I made balloon toys for kids. they crowded me for hours. Their tiny smiles and reaching out to get one. It was overwhelming to see their little hearts of love all around me.<br />
The point is this.. can we ever get over how it stole our identity from us. I think all we can do is accept who we are inspite and build whatever happy life for us we can. Try to find things that bring happiness to our inner heart and stay away from those who drag us down. Far far away. <br />
I told my brother yesterday after he used me one more time i dont ever want to go anywhere with him again. he took it to mean goodbye so i will leave it there. <br />
I told my son after many years of now birthday or Christmas card and his not wanting to stop drugging the same. <br />
The only thing I can say is that I am the one who has to stop the abuse. I don't allow people to use and abuse me anymore. I pray lots and actually have a church that truly touches God. Jesus is my best friend. he never leaves me, condemns me or rejects me. <br />
Love is the only answer. Lov
Ive never gotten over it.I just learned to bury it & keep smiling. Im so damaged I didn't even realize until 3yrs ago that Im married to a severe bully 25yrs. His treatment of me wasthe same as I recieved growing up at home & all through school until I dropped out after 9th grade in 1979. I never have had confidence to go back. I work 3 times as hard at everything I do just to try to avoid criticism & to be appreciated but it doesnt work. Others take credit or it goes unnoticed. I have discovered that I am a magnet for narcissists too because theyre the only people I was exposed to regularily as a child & their mistreatment of me seemed normal except Im always sad. I dont know how to fix the damage. I only know how to smile & pretend it don't hurt ....
I was bullied from first and secondary school. My parents enrolled me in a Tae Kwon Do class while ending secondary school. I trained for 4 years. It did help my confidence as a child but as an adult I suffer from the abuse. Every day in school I tried to exist and have peace but I struggled to find it. I was an only child and didn't have the skills to protect myself against bullies with words etc. I was a perfect target to be bullied. <br />
Today, I'm 46 years old and do what I can to work through my wounds. I do notice that I come across a lot of adult bullies. It's interesting how child bullies grow up to become adult bullies, if they haven't learned from mistakes. <br />
In every challenge in life I always ask, What am I suppose to learn here? As an adult from being bullied I still have wounds that come up once in a while and the pain can last for a couple days. With me, it's a continual journey to find a way to let go. I'm hopeful that one day my wounds will heal. I do a lot of reading on the subject. You also become stronger from a challenging circumstance and become very aware. <br />
I wish you well on your journey and hope you and others find peace.
I do not socialize I turned 30 in the fall of 2012 and the flashbacks and memories are so vivid. I cannot even find refuge in my sleep anymore! As the bullies have now decided to get me in my dreams. I wake up angry or sometimes crying and wishing I was never born. I had a terrifying home life and school was a house of horrors. I do not socialize. I can not hold a job. Unless someone has been bullied they dont get it. The medical professionals, and councellors like to blame you instead of the ones that did this to you. The bullies go on with their lives and the victoms life dosn't go on outside the four walls that they live in. I have tried for years positive approches, self help books, prayer, meditation, trying to create positive memories, and positive social interactions. Whats the use all I have learned is that people are narrow minded, cruel, and are a waste of my time. I have treadmill and a complete home gym I have been a runner and solatary athlete all my life. It still however does not stop the hurt and memories. Another recommendation is to draw hummiliating, and vengefull pictures of the idiots who picked on you. Or a voodoo doll can temporarily help. I dont have any solutions as I am still dealing with the aftermath and am sick of this trial and error thing. Laws need to be changed so us as the victoms get our lives back bullies should be charged even if it is 5, 10, 20 or more years later for the emmotional tourture, physical abuse and other acts involved in bulluying. Even though it dosnt completely give us our lives back it is still a bit of justice to see the bullies lives come into turmoil when they have to miss time at work and lose money and threre lives because of being jailed think of them like war criminals.
Being bullied does not build character. Being bullied makes you a victim. I honestly could write a book on how badly I was bullied but people at school (starting around 3rd grade until graduation) but my own brothers as well. My younger brother was the one suggesting I should kill myself, although many kids at school did as well. Although I am married with kids now, it look me years to find someone. I never had sex until I was 27 and wife just doesn't understand how I feel about things. We are both in agreement we not tolerate our kids being bullied and we already had to hit the school once already and I made it quite clear consequences would be had. It was stopped by the teacher but I know it might happen again and I am ready. I simply will not put up with. As for long term effects, I have no real friends, I distrust most people and when bullying happens to me at work, I have to be a real ******* to make it stop, thus causing me promotions and advancements. I end up on lay off lists easily and I have to change jobs every couple of years as a result.<br />
I can't fix me, but I can make sure it never happens too my kids.
I was bullied both from my cousins, their parents, classmates at school, and then humiliated, belittled, and verbally/vocally by my mother. I'm 32 years old, and the pain still lingers. I've been to many therapists over the years, and they simply can't get it. I began working out and cultivating myself both mentally as well as spiritually when I turned 14, and it has helped somehow. I did make it through highschool, but I'm still struggling to get a college degree. If I keep fighting, I may well graduate in two years in Environmental Management. I've had several suicide thoughts, but when I resolve my self to do it there always comes this question: What will God ask me when I'm in his presence? That always scares me, and makes me find alternative solutions. <br />
It is tough though. I still feel hopeless sometimes. I started writing some science fantasy stories(same genre as Star Wars) six years ago in order to understand what was going on in my life. These stories deal with many of the questions I've had since childhood: environmentalism, bullying, the importance of the feminine in healing society, being half German-half latino and how does one side influences the other in temperament. The problem I now have, is that because I'm also an introvert, I tend to become self-absorbed. I don't know if there's a connection between being bullied and becoming self-absorbed later in life. I find pleasure and a degree of confidence talking about nerdy stuff, like solar panels and R2D2. It is way simpler to me.<br />
One thing that pains me though, is that bc of this and other aspects of myself such as my beliefs(I'm Catholic), my German roots and other things such as me not believing in premarital lovemaking(sex), make it more difficult for me to have a girlfriend and get married. To feel loved by someone else on that level.....I miss that.<br />
What do you make of my situation people? Do you see me getting married and start a family?<br />
Oh I forgot: if you have time read this article on bullying and mediators I found on yahoo. It deals with a method of fighting against this through the support of a mediator, in this case another student. LEt me know what you think about this as well.<br />