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UtesFan UtesFan 31-35, F 17 Answers Jul 31, 2012

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As someone who has been the "other random woman" on more than one occasion, I have to be honest and say if he is being unfaithful to you once, odds are very heavy that he has or will do it again. Best to walk away I think.

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You *****!!!....no just kidding...sorry couldn't resist. It takes two to tango

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Actually the comment was deserved. I've done it. I'm not proud of it. I wish I was not like this. Yes it takes two, but if I had been a better person it wouldn't have happened at all.

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You are too hard on yourself. If you had been a better person, it still would have happened, but with some one else. I think you are fine like you are.

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walk away and don't linger. When you are truly in love you don't even think about cheating. He will not change.

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Consider that, from the point of view of STDs, YOU have also been "sleeping with other random women."

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...all the risks, none of the bennies...what a bummer.

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Walk away. What if one of those random women have an STD or AIDS or something and you get it?

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Maybe O.O

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its payback time and he owes you a life cheque - cash it in now - make his life a living hell - and if he leaves - youve done yourself a big favour and lost nothing at the same time - end result - YOUR A WINNER !!!

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i can take virtually anything .... except betrayal ... and venus steps aside to be replaced with thor

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if he loved you in return.. he will never cheat on you.. :)

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So you love him, but you've just found out that he's willing to conceal big things. Like who else he's having sex with. That's a big thing.



He did not negotiate this beforehand.

The one thing I believe in is that it's not o.k. to have sex with other people without making sure your primary partner isn't going to be hurt by it

(Since my spouse has said no to an open marriage and I do not want to hurt her, I'm not going to be having an open marriage anytime soon.)



So, while you care for him, he conceals big things from you. Is this what you want in a long-term partner? I would not.

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it really isnt that simple im afraid basically lover is like a tennis match u have to put the ball back in his court. now i no u said u love the sleezball but stop and ask urself a few questions

has he shown any kind of remorse?

does he still use other women?

most important does daddy own a 22? jk

wat does ur heart honestly tell u thats where ur answer awaits

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How you can even ask a bunch of strangers what's in you own heart is beyond me. You already know the answer - are you just looking for confirmation?

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I am looking for the exprience and wisdom of others to help me in a situation where I have never been before. It is not all black and white.

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Ok - ok - I understand - my wisdom: look deep inside - if you're not ok with him sleeping around 0 dump him and don't look back. Love him or not he's a dawg - the sooner you realize this the better. (I'm so sorry, but it's true)...

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I appreciate your honest assessment. I really do. I never thought I would be this kind of woman. I feel so caught up in him. This hasn't been some fleeting 2 month relationship...it's been nearly 4 years. Do I give him the chance to now be exclusive?

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Sweetie - I don't know you, but I tell you from experience - you're 'projecting' your needs and desires onto him. Frankly, he sounds unworthy of your loyalty - You can be a martyr, or if you're not a willing participant ( a tool) ... my frank and honest opinion (STOP).. That's why I said originally - in your heart - you already know the answer. DTMA - (Dump the ************ already)... (sorry for being so blunt)...

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walk? no! RUN! as fast and as far as you can! (or just kick him to the curb)

and DON'T believe the "oh baby, I love you, I'll change, I promise!" that's a load of bunk!

the only thing he'll change is his effort to not get caught!

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Have you agreed to be exclusive? Or did you never actually say that. If he was unclear on what the boundaries were then maybe Give him the chance to be monogamous. If he knew the relationship was supposed to be monogamous then I would move on because he did to consider your feelings. Is he even willing to give up the other women? It depends on what you can live with I guess , but how would he react to you doing the same thing. There can't be a double standard.

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Thanks for this. No, it was never expressly stated as exclusive. I've wanted it, but he kept his other experiences from me so as not to hurt me. He did however fess up when I asked directly. He did say he is choosing me now and wants to try the whole exclusive thing. I want to believe him, but everyone here says not to.

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All of this makes me sound so young and stupid. I am 35 and am smart...just maybe not so much when it comes to love and sex.

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I would give him the chance. If he is choosing you now let him prove that he really wants you. Tell him that you will let him go if it does t work out but to be honest with you and not cheat on you. Tell him not to hurt you. He obviously cares enough to spare your feelings so may e he is being honest. After all what does he get out of being with you that he can't get from other random women. It is obviously more than sex to him because he does want a relationship.

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You aren't stupid, you just need to stick up for what you want and believe that if this guy doesn't teat you how you should be treated you will find someone who will. You just have to be string enough to walk away if you need to, but for now just give the guy a chance to show you he wants to be there. He obviously likes you more than just a random piece of ***. Otherwise he would have let you go and stayed in his situation where he has other women. He can get sex, but can he get love.

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You are much more forgiving and understand than most. :) I am assuming this may be something you've had some experience with before. It is more than sex. Over the past 4 years we've become friends. I know that might sound silly, but I think it's important to state. Thank you.

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I have some experience with this type of thing. I have been told I am a very forgiving person, I get it from my mother, I swear she is a saint.

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I appreciate a thoughtful answer. This all blew up about three weeks ago. We are still finding time together, but I just can't get rid of that feeling of inadequacy. Logically, I know it is his problem and on some level had nothing to do with me, but more about his own need for experience. I just can't help but feel so used.

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No, be stupid and stay with him. Get STDs and let him use you and walk all over you.

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