Kahlil Gibran said it beautifully in his book "The Prophet":
Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
i would think that freedom in a relationship is when you and your other half feel you can be yourselves and not feel pressured to be anything else. I could never conform to someone else's idea of what and who i should be, but then I would never expect someone else to conform for me either.
However, for me there is natural conformation when two people begin to become insync with one another - but still enjoy being individuals.
I think that you should stop talking in terms of "freedom" and start talking in terms of "trust". Everyone makes changes and compromises as part of a healthy relationship - that's actually half of the fun - but if you don't trust your partner not to hurt you then you should do the relationship a favor and get out. Regardless of whether your mistrust is grounded in the other person's actions or not, you may simply need time to work on you.
Trust is vital in any relationship. And where there is trust, questions of "freedom" no longer become an issue. If you cannot trust her, you will never be happy.
There is no freedom in a relationship. People change who they are to accomodate the other person and right there is when the freedom starts to disappear. Then other demands will come around and before you know it you are no longer in control of everything you do and everything you say. I refuse to be tied down and answer to another person.
I feel that freedom in a relationship has very little to do with freedom to get away or date other people as many people fear that it does. Freedom is more about allowing the other to be themselves and do what they do without trying to restrict them in any way. I believe that freedom has more to do with accepting the other so they can be free when they are with you and less to do with giving them the freedom to get away from you. If you approved of them exactly as they are and in whatever they do, why would they want to get away from you?
The fact of the matter is, you can only attempt to take freedom away from her, you can't ever actually do so. She is her own person and is completely free to make her own choices. Be her best friend, support her in her choices and accept her as she is and she will use her freedom to be with you because you're awesome to be with. That is my humble opinion.
I think I have a lot of freedom in my relationship, so I'll just use some things we do as examples and hope they help you out a little.
I think you can have freedom in a relationship and still have obligations to each other. Freedom is not forcing her to see you every day if it doesn't fit into her or your schedule. The obligation part that is part of the relationship would be that you should have at least one phone call a day. Not a long phone call, but one. Some days I'm so tired that I just call and say 'good night' and fall asleep, and that's fine. Just remember that you are both in a relationship and of course you worry about each other if you haven't seen each other because you feel out of the loop, so at least a phone call is necessary almost daily.
Other than that, I don't think there's much obligations because as long as you love each other, you'll instinctively work towards loving, respecting, and being considerate of each other.
The freedom that you should give her is by letting her hangout with whoever she chooses and not trying to change her if it's things like her beliefs, her way of speaking, her clothes, basically whatever makes her really her. Let her know if someone she hangs out with worries you, because that isn't encroaching on her freedom, that's just expressing your feelings/concerns. The only time you would be jeopardizing the freedom in a relationship is if you start doing things like limiting her time with her friends or whatever she does.
Basically to make your relationship work and have freedom, remember how your lives were before each other, and now work to accommodate each other into those lives. Don't work to make her life fully mesh with yours and don't work to fully mesh your life with hers. Her friends are hers, yours are yours. Meet them, get to know them a little bit, then let them be.
Freedom in a relationship, does exist...
It's where you allow her to be herself....you don't try to change her....you allow her to keep all of her friends...you don't restrict where she goes, and who she is with.....(for those who are insecure...if you are treating someone right, they will want to be with you)....You encourage her to go after her passions, and interests, not try to keep her barefoot and pregnant....You respect the fact that she has feelings and opinions, that are different from yours....
I don't think everyone changes, to accomodate the other person... I think some dysfunctional relationships end up that way....Of course, there is compromise, and if your heart is in the right place....this won't be as difficult as it sounds.
Well said :)
Relationships are give and take and about compromises.... if you truly love this person, you are willing to make decisions together, and you consider the other persons feelings. It doesn't mean you have freedom to date others or just disappear for days without a phone call. I think you need to find what the balance will be in your relationship by talking it over with your girlfriend. What makes you both comfortable?
communication is very important in any relationship... so share your feeling with her!