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She stated that I didn't approve of her work. when in reality I was really proud of how hard of a worker she is at her current position and I was trying to help her realize that she has tons of potential to go back to school and do what she loves. I purchased special lotions to help her with her dry feet. She wore work boots. She said that I never liked her feet. I asked her to put her hair down couple times. Even though she looked beautiful with her hair up...she looked amazing with her hair down. I explained all these things to her that I was trying to help and was still labeled overbearing. is she right?
Peterondeck Peterondeck 31-35, M 6 Answers Apr 30 in Dating & Relationships

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Yes. You need healthy boundaries.

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What kind of boundaries would you suggest.

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Read about codependency.

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You are indeed overbearing.

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I understand in some aspect. I was just trying to help her because I cared.

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What you did, was put a "but" into your affection and appreciation for her. Example: You do a great job at work, I am proud of you. (You could have left it at that..you didn't here it comes) BUT you should go back to school to realize your potential. (Thus, she is not good enough. Let's do another. She wears work boots. You could say: "babe, do you want a foot rub?" (No, you just buy lotion for her dry feet. Thus, you never liked her feet.) You got the hair thing. It is in the words. Be kind. Think about her feelings. You'll know better next time.

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Good points. Thanks

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In my defense I did follow through with the foot rubs on many occasions and even sent her to the spa to help her relax. I think the lotion was take out of context.

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It may have been. Of course, I can only comment and react to what I see from your question. We are only getting your side. There may have been underlying factors in her mind. Who knows?

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It sounds like you were overbearing.

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Sounds like a bit of a fabricated reason...

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And that was my initial thought. She said she never had someone care so much for her and do such good things for her and yet labeled me overbearing. I was overbearing to a certain degree but not to the point of ending a relationship. I was trying to help.

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I've usually suspected, when I've found myself in similar circumstances, that there is some physical thing which they are dissatisfied with--but they won't tell me for fear of causing irreversible damage.

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That's a good point. Maybe she felt like I was trying to change her. I had no issues about any of the things. She complained about her job about her feet so I took action to try to remedy her concerns.

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I see what you're saying. I think it's not quite what I was getting at I'm afraid. I meant (in some of my past post-relationships): I've worried it is me that is dissatisfying to her in a physical way. She doesn't want to tell me how she is dissatisfied with me, perhaps...

Maybe she is trying not to indicate to you something about you that dissatisfies her...? The thought is so sordid and cynical that I hate to mention it, and I know it is so only because it is a certain painful notion I fall victim to frequently. Unfortunately, though, I sometimes can't seem to figure out any other reason an ex breaking up with me could talk to me as coyly and manipulatively as I vaguely suspect them as having intentioned over our break-up's dialogue (I've never broken up with a girlfriend, interestingly)...

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