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Mostly his mother, but his siblings do not interact with me because they don't want to make their mother unhappy. His brother-in-law once called me a ***** for no reason (I assume prejudice)... Can you overcome this and stay in a relationship? I never want to interact with his family because I do not like their bigotry.
LaraS11 LaraS11 26-30, F 10 Answers Sep 16, 2012 in Struggles

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I am a Christian and I do not get people like that...not sure how they can call themselves good Christians and then treat others badly. Unfortunately I agree with you when you say you cannot ask him to choose you or his family it has to be something he has to do on his own. But I will tell you if you are looking for a future with this guy and you cannot see it happening or being very difficult because of his family then as hard as it may be now just get out when its just you. If you do not see them changing it will only get harder if you guys end up getting married and having kids...because then it will go from you to what religion your kids are going to be

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I keep imagining that I'll never have to deal with them and we can avoid each other completely. You're right, that's not going to happen. Thank you for the advice.

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While having their acceptness is important and makes things easier, it is not theirs you need. The only thing that matters is how you feel about eachother. If they love him at all then his happiness is what is important, and if you make him happy they should keep their own opinions to themselves. Unfortunately, he may have to eventually choose between you and them , if he is serious and wants to maintain a relationship. You should speak to him and ask if talking to them will help and explain how you feel about their treatment. Let him know that you do not want to come between him and his family. And if you two agree to speak to them, then let them know you have no intention on coming between them, but that you are also not going to change who you are to please them. He likes you for who you are, and has accepted you that way, and if they can't accept it you are sorry. After all you are trying to accept their treatment of you. And you have done nothing wrong, other than not conform. Why would they want their son with someone, who changes their values and ideas, at the slightest bit of pressure, and has no spine. And furthermore, if you two do work out and have children, what kind of mother would you make to a child, if you had to teach them that if people don't accept you for who you are, then change to make others happy. Not a very good role model huh?

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You sound like a logical person. These people are nothing like that. They would rather see him unhappy than be with me. I am so tired of going up against them. Unfortunately, before I could tell him that I didn't want to make him choose, his family have taken the stand that he must eventually.

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The reason I am asking this question is because I am scared that he will choose me, then grow to hate me for losing relations with his family.

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Been there and done that. My husbands family in the beginning loved me. But I made a few mistakes before our marriage and then they began to hate me. He chose me and that was that. But over the years, they saw that I had changed and not think more of me than him. Go figure. He will feel a sense of resentment at some point but if you two are meant to be, then so be it. I chose my husband over my family and have sometimes felt resentful. But if you are with a person who reminds you , in a good way when you around them, by their actions, that you chose correctly. Then the hell with everyone else. So if he does choose you, make sure that you do something everyday that reminds him why he did. And work on trying to gain their acceptness, and to try to keep him in touch with them. If you really love him. it will be worth it. I know because I am reminded everytime I look at our child.

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:) I'm happy for you. I really want everything to work out. I'm a little scared of his brother-in-law that called me a *****, he seemed a little violent. I didn't do anything to bring it on, so I think I'll have to avoid him. Other than that, perhaps one day they'll accept me/maybe he won't resent me for it.

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Wow..that's not a Christian. Don't sweat it..just talk to him and let him know how you feel.

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He knows and he thinks he can manage both sides...I am not sure if that's possible.

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Do all the things the Bible teaches Christians to do... like not judging people... turning the other cheek etc... then when you just can't handle it anymore break up with him in front of his family and tell them they should take another look at Matthew 5:11.

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Then don't ~.~

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