Have you ever been the "other woman"?

Why would I wanna give myself that kinda headache? Just look for someone who ain't attached! :)

I am the other woman (and you can read my stories here on EP). I knew he was married the first time I had an affair with him almost 30 years ago when he was 35 and I was just 22. Why did I do it then? I was young, I was attracted to him, and I did it because I wanted to. I also knew his wife and knew there was something wrong with their relationship. I was with him for 2 1/2 years. Then I realized what every OW learns and I left him. He never lied to me or promised to leave her for me.
She never knew about the affair, although she should have. There were more than enough clues. If she had, she could've fixed her marriage then, but she had blinders on because she didn't like sex and had already become a refuser. Acknowledging the affair would've meant change and she was not interested in that.

But 7 months ago we got back in touch. His marriage was completely sexless and he was so lonely and starved for any affection at all. We fell in love (really for the first time; our first affair was really just sex) and he is in the process of leaving her for me. It is very sad for all concerned. After almost 40 years of marriage his wife realized that she should've paid more attention to her husband. But it's too late.

So now, even though she is well aware of me, she knows he won't give me up. Your OW still believes the lines your husband gave her. She can't believe she's been lied to. I hate to tell you what your husband has told her. You probably wouldn't recognize yourself. Do NOT be reassured that your husband has told her it's over, although it probably is WITH HER. But this is NOT likely to be his first affair, nor his last. You have an opportunity to repair your marriage but only if he will tell you WHY he's cheating. Most husbands will act as your husband and give up the 'flavor' of the month rather than go through the hassle of divorce unless they've really fallen in love with their mistress, or the marriage is already seriously flawed. Good luck. I'd recommend you read "Too Good to Leave/Too Bad to Stay" to see if you want to save your marriage.

A handful of times, professionally, I am sure.

Unfortunately, I have. When the relationship began, I had no idea he was married until after I became pregnant with his child, he was practically living with me. Its a long, horrible story and I feel an extreme amount of guilt for believing his lies. In the end everything has turned out well, for his ex-wife too. Because of his affair with me, she was able to see the abuse she suffered and get out of the marriage. After speaking with her, I was able to gain the strength to leave him and the abuse I was suffering and the abuse my son would have suffered. We are actually good friends now and lean on each other for emotional support.

Noper Doper
A personal choice of it not being my style.

I have been the other woman, but I didn't realize it at the time. I can tell you that I would not have been nearly as attracted to him had he be single. His wife made him a complete person (I never actually met her, thankfully -- it would have broken my heart because I would never intentionally break up a relationship). But when she left him (because I was not his only infidelity) he became a shell of a man. In your case, I think the only reason she still wants him is because you do. For me, it was a major mistake, but it seems that for her, it's a contest.

No.

I have a friend who is always the other woman in relationships...something I disapprove of. When I asked her why, she said that she only likes to be with married men because they are safe. I just kind of stared at her and she knew that I didn't know what she meant by that, so she explained. This is what she said: They are married so most of the time they go home to their wife. Therefore you can really have your own life. They help you pay your bills, buy you things, and treat you like a queen. And they are safe because you know that they won't leave their wife. It called playing a player. She said that she knows that if a man cheats WITH her, he will cheat ON her, and even if he were to leave his wife, she would not remain with him. I was in shock. I asked her about emotional ties with the men. She said that she doesn't let herself get emotionally attached. She also said that when she does meet someone that she would like to marry, that she will already know everything there is to know about cheating husbands. She also said that if it weren't her with these men, it would be some other woman. This woman is a good friend of mine, and although I DO NOT LIKE WHAT SHE IS DOING, she is a good person. I separate the action from the person. This sounds like a very empty lifestyle to me.

I have offered a lot of "being other woman" but I just rejected all offerrings .. ! As I could imagine how bad is gonna be if the thing happened to me instead ...

What I could suggest you is, Everything happens for reason, If he cheated you, Then the person who is even worse more than the woman is your husband himself !
The cheating is betrayal and unforgivable .. except, he has the very important reason to do such thing! but seemed like he has none ... He isn't worth your love and honesty, If I were you, I wouldn't return to the cheater ever ! but that's just me tho ;)

Sadly I made that mistake a long time ago...I knew he had a girlfriend before we started going out but didn't think it was serious since he always seemed to be out and about without her. Then we got to know each other better and I liked him, by now I knew they lived together. I was young (only 21) and impressionable, he was my first and I regret that. He was using me and at the end I was hurt but as they say "Live and learn".

That little "adventure" has left me scarred a bit, now I'm married to a wonderful man but even though I trust him I know (or think I know) how easy it is for a guy to just go out and look for someone to have fun with. The experience has left me suspicious, bitter, paranoid...

Sorry for your experience, believe me I wish I could reverse mine.

Yes I have, but before you judge, I did not know. I would not knowingly go into a relatinsip with a married man. How many women would, usually by the time you find out you have some emotional involvement.
He told he was single, had never been married. He said he had been in a couple long term relationships, and had been burned very bad twice. He was attentive,loving,caring. Got along well with my kids. Called me every morning, at first would come by after work just to kiss me and say hi,see how my day was. Then come back after supper and stay till 10-11. Then he started going to the kids sports activities with me, and staying over nite. ONe time he stayed 4 days in a row. I started questioning things and would catch him in lies. Was having huge doubts, so thought would push issue and brought up living together just to see what he would do. Well he couldn't because of his 2 dogs---he knew I could have pets at the house I rented. But he wanted to, just had lots of excuses. The transmission went in my van. He was nice enough to help me out. But I took andvantage of the situation. He was letting me use his blazer, after I took him to work, would not even let me put gas in it. I searched thru everything. 1 day he forgot his wallet, I finally had my proof---I found his health insurance card ;wife carries insurance. I did not let him know I knew. Waited until weekend, when he once again was to be "going out of town", but didn't. Rented a car drove past the house. Waited like till 5pm and went and knocked on the door!!
Even that didn't stop him from calling and coming to my house. Declaring his undying love, he didn't love his wife, wanted to be with me, would leave her. Gave him ultimatium if thats the truth you have until end of week to tell her, pack your things and move in here. NO did not happen like I knew it wouldn't. Ended up getting protective order because he would not leave me alone, called 25 times one day. Came by house, or would go to the neighbors and sit on their porch and watch me. I ended up sending his wife a copy of the voicemails he left me, telling me no one else was gonna have me. I still don't understand what woman does not even question where her husband was for 4 days straight, or all the times he stayed all nite, or would leave at like 4 "to let the dog out". Would you just let him back into the marriage bed??

Yes, no... I don't know, I have a feeling I may have been, but I'm not sure, ugh... I can't stand the thought of being number two. Ever ever ever.

Ew, no. Never!
If he can do it to his wife, he'll do it to the other woman later on.

Yes i have been on both sides. I lived with a married man for almost 6 yrs who kept telling me he was getting a divorce. I finally broke it off with him because of mental abuse.....he continued to follow me and call me. I got harassement chrgs filed and he finally stopped. And went back to his wife. I have also been on the other end.

Unknowingly... Yes, I have.

I dated a man for a few months who worked in my town on weekends but lived about an hour away. Called each other regularly, we wrote to each other (before the days of internet and email) and even met once in awhile in his town during the week for dinner.

Then he hit on my friend, she told me about it... set up a date with him and brought me along to see what he'd say or do. He stood her up. We decided we'd go for a few drinks anyway that night, went to a bar and there he sat with another woman in his lap. We ignored him, but I later found out that the woman in his lap was his wife of 11 years.... She'd come to town that night for a surprise visit.

She was clueless about me or any of the women he'd been screwing around on her with.

I, of course - ended it with him after that night. I have no idea why a woman in the situation you describe would continue to want a man who told her he wasn't interested. Unless, perhaps- he was lying to her about the situation and told her it was "an act" for you - along with many other lies he may have told her to convince her that he REALLY wanted her and was trying to get rid of YOU gently.... and she believed him.

Sadly, yes, I have. Unlike the women above, I KNEW what I was doing both times. One wife I even knew and considered a friend. How horrible you say! Why? Because I wanted to. Passion, lust, karma? There was an incredible attraction between us from the first meeting. We also had a lot in common, and are still friends after all these years. With the first man, we were lovers for about nine years, some off and on. He was never faithful to me, nor i to him. But the SEX was fantastic! I was never jealous of him, never expected him to marry me.40 yrs later, there is still a bond of frienship, altho the sex has basically disappeared.

The sond man was the only time in my life that I ever experienced "love at first sight!" He walked into a room at my new job, and I felt like I had been hit by a thunderbolt! We flirted, and I knew he was married. He knew I was very interested. I moved and got another job. I dropped him a note with my new phone number ONLY. About a year after I first saw him, we had a brief affair. It was amazing, but I knew it was not lasting or serious. He had many obligations; I was not demanding. WE went our separate ways. Years afterward I might run into him at a public function and the spark was still there, but nothing ever happened again. But I could recognize his cough across a crowded room and know he was there. A strange little spark between us. He eventually divorced, but did not remarry. Years later,I read about his rather early death in the newspaper. I cried.

I have never regretted either affair, and could never explain either one. They both just seemed inevitable. Passion? Karma? I don't know.

I believe in karma. Don't be a player and you don't get played.

well, i've been the "other girl". we'd been really close friends before he met his girlfriend, but apparently he really loved me as well. i wanted to be in love with him, and i suppose i was. i thought he was going to leave her and we'd be happy but it wasn't coming to that so i stopped it before it got worse than it already was. it was pretty bad.