What I really wanted was a FAMILY. A close knit loving family. It never happened. My son and I are close, but I wanted the husband to be included, too. My only hope now is that I'll get to be included in family as a grandma when the time is right for him and his wife-to-be.

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I really don't know. I've started over a lot of times. I just hit bottom again recently. I wanted to be an audio engineer, but in the process of getting those skills and learning the trade I lost confidence and started questioning myself again. Now I'm thinking about working on an offshore rig, because **** it. Why not? Better than any plan I've tried to follow so far.

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I know what you mean. many things come up when i ask this. the only pleasure i know i will get is if i eat mcdonalds, or have sex, or shoot heroine. but holy **** i hope there's more pleasure in life than that. because thats messed up.

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