Two Dubliners are walking home from the pub one night and stop on a bridge to relieve themselves. "brrr," the first man says, "this water is cold!" "Yes" agreed the second man "and deep too"
Teacher: "Sam, you talk a lot!' Sam: It's a family tradition". Teacher: "What do you mean?" Sam: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher". Teacher: "What about your mother?" Sam: "She's a woman".
What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night? Lays awake wondering if there's a dog.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one orders of beer.
The second one orders half of beer.
The third one orders or quarter beer.
The bartender says "you're all idiots"
And pours them two beers.
Yeah! Someone told me santa is not really! I thought to myself.....it can only be a joke.