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I'm interested in someone. Let's call him Joe. He really wants to date me, but we live a couple of hours apart and he works weird hours right now, so we need to wait a while. He knows about another guy (who I'll call Nick) I was talking to online and was interested in for a while before I met him. I've told Joe I've been trying to get a hold of Nick and end things so I can just be with him, and that although I was somewhat interested in Nick, he never totally had my heart and things had already been going sour between us, so he has no reason to worry. Also, Nick lives on the other side of the world, and even though there was some mutual interest online for a while, chances of anything ever happening in real life were slim to none. Is there any way I can make Joe feel less jealous of Nick as well as less insecure? I really care about him, and even though he knows that, he still feels this way and I don't think he should. Does he just need time, or is there anything else I can say?
GuitarGirl19 GuitarGirl19 22-25, F 16 Answers Jul 23, 2012

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Stop talking to him about Nick.

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I didn't mean to, it just came up. And he kept asking the questions. I tried to drop it.

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I didn't say stop your previous talking about Nick. Stop talking to him about Nick means, stop doing so from here on out. If he asks, tell him you're no longer talking to Nick.

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Gotcha.

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Wipe nick out of your life , if he is the other side of the world , you met him on the internet and never in person , what's the problem ? i would advice you delete your profile for meeting people on the internet , that will prove to joe that you are only interested in him and not meeting other guys. Tell him how you feel about him . But be caucious if you have never met him before , don't rush in to anything. Because you can't be sure of your feelings as you have never met him and it is a virtual relationship.

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Stop contacting Nick. Give your full attention to Joe. Joe is right in front of you. Nick is miles apart. Your choice.

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It's been said a few times, but bears repeating - the more times you talk about the other guy, the more he's (quite naturally) going to assume that either (a) you have some reason to feel guilty about him or (b) he's constantly on your mind. Stop talking about him, and if the new guy brings him up, just say "nothing really happened, and he's out of my life now".<br />
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Bear in mind the possibility that "Joe" doesn't feel jealous (you could be imagining it because you think it's something to feel guilty about, which it isn't), but your behaviour could make him think he should be.

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Hmm, by making him your boyfriend instead of a potential future boyfriend.

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First, stop trying to contact Nick. If it was headed towards the end he'll know it's over. <br />
Start trying to put Nick out of your mind as much as you can. Remember the fond memories and put the rest away.<br />
Look Joe in the eyes, or as best you can given the distance, and tell him there is nobody other than him.<br />
Then let it go. You can't change the way Joe feels and thinks. He has to accept that Nick was in your life, in some form, and is now NOT in your life anymore. If Joe remains jealous well, then, that's his issue to deal with, with your support.<br />
Lastly, why on earth are you, at this age, even thinking about finding someone to be serious with?

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It wasn't planned. We just started talking out of the blue on a site similar to this one, got to know each other and started feeling something. Then started talking face to face on Skype... that's all I can say. I wasn't actively looking to find someone to be with.

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Sorry, that was a bit harsh on my part. I know full well you can't help who and when you fall in love. I hope it all works out for the best.
Just be yourself, be confident with Joe and he'll see the truth.

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Nah, you weren't too harsh. I realize how it all looks from the other end. I left out those details, so it's no biggie. Thank you for the kind wishes, though.

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Hmmmmm...... That's a little like asking how to make a guy not a guy. <br />
But if he's not already mature & secure about such things, you might try being up-front with him about your feelings toward him alone, about your willingness to resolve any lingering doubts or conflicts in an open, respectful, but frank dialogue, and you can set the example by never being insecure or jealous of his past girlfriends. <br />
Failing that, you can take your cue from my first line and either get a girlfriend, a gay male friend, or a pet. Good Luck!

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I already did all of that. I told him how strongly I feel about him, that if there's anything from my past that he needs or wants to know, I'll be open and honest. Neither of us have had actual relationships but we've both had people we've been interested in. We're also both virgins. But still... I told him I'm not jealous of his past interests or even the fact that his best friend is a girl.

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Then you've done about all you can reasonably do.... and more than most would. Now all you can do is let things unfold. If you keep true to your words, and you both have the care &amp; respect to treat each other honestly, you should be fine. Again, good luck.

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Thank you. =)

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I just think its gonna take time to prove your interest in him. You really can't make someone else secure though, that comes from within. Be honest no matter what you're feeling and let the rest fall into place...good luck with it :)

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Don't mention the other guy again, and if Joe asks tell him you ended it.

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