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how can they shut down emotionally and not feel a thing? i wish i could do that but i just cant! once ive formed an attachment its hard to just let go like he did
tryingtokeepmyheaduphigh tryingtokeepmyheaduphigh 18-21, F 9 Answers Dec 2, 2012 in Dating & Relationships

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actually thats exactly what aspergers does to us<br />
we are unattached, and to find someone like me who does attach is rare<br />
if i get hurt i am just as capable of detaching as any of the others

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do you have it too? it confuses me because the first time he broke up with me he came crying back, literal tears. this time - nothing. its as if last time he couldnt have lived without me, once he got me back he broke up with me a week later. i just dont understand, he either has the ability to feel or doesnt, right?

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wrong ... if he feels like i do then yeah he can get hurt ... but if its a continual struggle for him to even have a relationship, then just like what happened to me, he's gonna get more used to detaching and less likely to want you
if you are special you may be someone who can overcome this and show him enough love and patience that he will stay

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hmm. what can i do to win him back? is it useless? hes completely cut me out and is living his life at uni, he comes back at christmas but i dont know what he wants with me anymore. we used to be so unbelievably close. that sounds right about the struggle, he told me that the relationship was adding stress to his work load and he couldnt take it anymore, all ive done is try!

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That is what hurts me the most. When my husband wants to he can easily turn his love into hate without batting an eye. I have seen it. And it isn't an act. I always felt if I left him, he would never come after me. Even after 21 years of marriage I know he will never fight for me. The weirdest thing is I actually feel that he loves me in his own weird way but he can turn that off like a switch if he so desires. I have seen him though, he will suffer in the dark with a deep depression and then just throw himself in his true love, his work. I guess the answer is they can easily let go of us because they never really were in the relationship in the first place.

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HEy just found something for you on people with autism.It States that autistic indivials are insensitive to others because they are preoccupied by their condition which makes it difficult to emotionally attach to others.

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should i talk to him do you think? his socialising is awful but he does do it

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well my 22yr old son with adhd who meets some of the aspbergers symptoms has a very hard time seeing things from others perspectives and has lousy social skills but talking never hurts.Try it and see if you can get through to him but try to ubderstand if you don't.

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yes he did find it extremely difficult to see things frm my perspective! youre telling me everything that is true about him. i called him a week after he broke up with me and he sounded very distant, very withdrawn. he didnt want to talk to me on the phone for long but he was polite, why could this be? i know that hed just got home from work and was alone so wasnt with another girl. i havent contacted him since due to the fact that i dont want to come on too strong, am i right in holding back? i know socialising is difficult for him but if he wants to talk to me..surely he would by now? its been another week

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In his mind he may have let you go to in some way protect himself from something he may not be ready for.Perhaps he just needs some reassurance.

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how should i reassure him?

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Just ask him if he has any doubts about the relationship as a whole and see if there is anyway you can help.

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but he already broke up with me 2 weeks ago :/

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Ok so make that had or ask him what he decided to end things.

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hmmm well he comes home for christmas which is in a few weeks, i really want to see him in person as i havent since we were together. i dont know how to get him to see me, hes such a stubborn person.

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thankyou very much for remembering me! it means a lot that you came back to tell me about this, ive slowly come to realise that although he did blame me for everything, that it was completely insensitive of him. youre right, he never could see things from my point of view and when i cried to him he only told me that it wasnt a big deal or to calm down, when he just didnt understand how i felt! i thought that he was an exception with aspergers because you can barely tell that he has it, but he had ticks and twitches, does this mean that it is more prominent? and where is this article that youve read, may i ask? it sounds very interesting!

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You are welcome.I read stuff constantly so I'm not positive where the article was.Possibly Huffington Post.Just look up Empathoponia.Have a great day!

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Hey just found the article again.One of my twitter friends posted it.look up Mark Goulston.com then go to usable insight then empathopenia.The article was written Dec.6.

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Yup, just like my Ex Kathryn.

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I have a step cousin with asbergers and he has no interest in relationships or sex. He is just into computers. I am shocked that someone with asbergers desires another intimately. I am not fully educated into asbergers but what I have learned so far is that they are unattached to everyone.

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you are right usually, i am a rarity, an empath with aspergers

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ohhh i see, yes. he's 19 years old, his whole world revolves around piano and classical music. he has had sex with 3 girls (including me), one of them he described almost as rape because he didnt want it. and he is extremely shy, i feel like he is something so special and so delicate but i guess if he cant love me then..he just cant. he blamed me for everything

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Yep! That sounds like my step cousin. He's in his 30's now and he will be alone for the rest of his life.

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Do you like intimacy?

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haha well, id be with him if hed give me another chance! he was so stubborn he wouldnt even listen to what i had to say when he was breaking up with me, behind the tears i was trying to tell him that i understood but he just wouldnt listen. yes, very much so. he used to like being intimate but im not sure i guess

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I didn't think they were capable of being intimate. I learn something new everyday.

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Oh so not true they have the same desires but their poor social skills make it hard to achieve.

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I've been diagnosed with aspergers.<br />
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Letting go, can be rather easy for some people.

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Easy. They just don't like you anymore

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